Adjusting to being a stay at home mum

[Tasha1990]

Not sure if this is the right pkace to post...Im 23 first time mum my ds is 7 months and I have just had to quit my job because of personal circumstances. I've worked pretty much since about 16, I feel like im loosing the plot! Im stuck indoors pretty much every day with ds even though I do try to get out all my friends and family work so finding somthing to do is difficult, its stressing me out and as a result I tend to cry a lot and to stupid things too! Anyone else been in a similar situation? I just dont know what to do i've even tried baby groups locally but end up feeling uncomfortable, anyone have any suggestions/ ideas of what I could do?

Hi,

I have a 6 year old and a 20 month old and am a stay at home mum.

For me personally I find I have to have things planned to do and a good routine otherwise I just end up miserable. I have a loose plan of what we do each day.. Monday am swim, tues am toddlers etc

Like you I don't have any one around to offer support during the day. Family & friends all work. My husband is in the forces so away during the week at least.

We go to a regular toddler group one morning a week. I think you just need to be brave and not worry about going. It will do you both good to get out and meeting new people. I'm sure there will be other mums there who feel the same. Just go for it. Maybe invite a mum & little one around for a cuppa?

Have you looked at what's on through surestart?

Plus is like to add - talk to your Gp of health visitor about feeling low.

When I had my first ds we live on a military base where my husband worked so we were a long way from our friends and family. I really struggled and would be constantly in the phone to my mum crying.

I went and poured my heart out to my gp when my ds was 9 months old. I thought I had pnd. My gp was lovely and basically said that anyone in my situation would find it hard and that it was perfectly normal and ok to feel like I was. I felt like a weight had been lifted by just letting it all out.

1. Find the local coffeeshop where mums tend to hang out and go there regularly. At the very least it will get you out of the house, at the most you will meet people there to chat to.

1. Look out for Mumsnet meet-ups in your area and if there aren't any, consider arranging one. I've always got on far better with MNers I've met at meet-ups than mums I've met at baby groups.

It will all get easier and nicer in the summer and when the baby gets old enough to take to play areas. Winter is a hard time to be a SAHM.

Im a sahm too and it can be difficult. Sometime the days drag or I feel lonely or I struggle with how to pass the time but one thing I do is to make sure I leave the house at least once a day. Even if it is a quick trip to the shops or to post a letter - just something which means I have to get dressed, make myself look half decent, get some fresh air and exercise, and see people!

I also take DS swimming once a week and to a toddler group once a week - off the back of these I have made friends who I now see outside of these sessions.

Coffee shops / child friendly restaurants are good - as said above, even if you don't get talking to anyone at least you'll be in an environment where you feel welcome & comfortable.

My friends work too though I sometimes meet them for lunch during their lunch break - is that an option?

And plan trips to the park, zoo, library, museum, shops etc.

Thanks ladies. Winter just sucks, I think im going to give the baby group another go. I do try to go out at least once every two days, I would do once every day but I live in a basement flat with a spiral staircase which makes it difficult to get the enthusiaum to just pop to the shop or something equally as quick. For some reason whenever I try to search for surestart in my area it just comes up with nursery funding

So do you struggle with getting the buggy up the spiral stair, is that the problem? (I hate spiral stairs!) Have you thought about using a sling? It's good when they're small because it's less hassle to pop out, on and off public transport, etc. Or a very lightweight buggy. If logistics are putting you off getting out, there might be some way to improve the logistics to make it easier.

Yeah I hate them too! I moved in just before I found out I was pregnant and thought they were pretty cool at the time -.-, I have to put ds into his pushchair before I go up them and pick the whole thing up to get him up otherwise its take pushchair up then go back down for ds a bit of a hassle...I've tried slings but as he weighs around 21lb he is slightly heavy and it does my back in ( not that carrying him and a pushchair up together is much better but I do get relief once we are up) I am meant to be getting new stairs but its taken so long I've given up hope!

Check the www.nct.org.uk for local toddler groups in your area

Also a sahm. LO is 9months. We moved to 400 miles from family when LO was 3mo. DH works away during week. I have no family/friends where I live now. I had PND.

I make sure that I leave the house twice a day. I have a lightweight buggy (£20 from argos) as well as my proper buggy. Since LO was 5 mo, I go to three baby groups a week. Two of them r a 45min walk each way. LO naps there and back (proper buggy). In afternoon, I walk to the shop/park/round about, just go get out the house. If I didn't, I would go mad.

It was hard to get into a routine. But I feel so much better for it. Google classes in your area. Try to get out every day. It is hard, but u'll get there.

Thanks ladies. Winter just sucks, I think im going to give the baby group another go. I do try to go out at least once every two days, I would do once every day but I live in a basement flat with a spiral staircase which makes it difficult to get the enthusiaum to just pop to the shop or something equally as quick. For some reason whenever I try to search for surestart in my area it just comes up with nursery funding