Bereavement

[lars]

I have just lost my father this week and I am completely devastated by the bad news (unexpected). I have come on the net just to try and take my mind of things for a while but I find that I just need to write about how I am feeling that I have lost my best friend ever.
The children are coping very well and just appear to carry on as normal and are back to school.
My mother is shell shocked and still trying to comes to terms with my father's death. All the family are taking turns to comfort her and help in anyway we can. She is worried about the very small state pensions she gets, how will she manage,etc. It seems so unfar that she should have to worry about everyday expenses at a time like this. I don't really know what she will be entitled to and don't even know where to start. Any advice on this matter would help.

So sorry for your loss (((hugs))) I don't know about what she would be entitled too, sorry, wouldn't she be eligable for widows pension?

lars, I have been through exactly the same, I lost my father who I was very close to and was in tears reading your post.

My dad's death was also unexpected. If you would like to contact me please feel free to do so - [email protected]

Lars so sorry to hear about your Father, it must have come as a big shock My sister died unexpectantly, even though she WAS ill and it was just awful. Those first days, weeks I cant remember much. My Mum was distraught and my Dad went quite loopy which is hard to deal with when you have your own emotions and feeling to contend with too. Have you had the funeral yet? That is always another hurdle to get over. I dont know what else to say, look after yourself and I am so sorry.

As far as your Mums pension is concerned, maybe when she is feeling a bit more 'normal' again she could get in touch with social services to see what she is actually entitled to

Hi Lars, I'm so sorry to hear your news. No wonder you're devastated. A big hug coming your way.

On the practical matters, my step-father died 2 years ago and my mother found the Pensions office very helpful, I think the info about them came from the funeral directors who were excellent. It was them that told mum that she was entitled to £2000 towards the costs of the funeral because she was under 60 when her husband died. I have no idea why that was, it seemed bizarre. But the Pensions people were really good, they were really quick with info for Mum and it turned out that she was eligible for more than she expected.

Good luck with everything and take care of yourself as well as everyone else! Hugs again.

Also with regards to money she may be netitled to life insurance if they had a policy?

I wanted firstly to say how sorry I am for your loss, it must be a very difficult time for you and all your family at the moment, but you all sound close which I hope gives you all the emotional support you need.

On the second point, financially, it maybe that your fathers pension may have been transferrable if private scheme. It will also be the case that your mother entitlement should increase as widower. The best place to turn in terms of what your mother is entitled to from the state is CABS or social services. Also as a lone person in a house she will be entitled to a reduction in council tax, if she is not already enitled to a reduction due to being on the state pension.

I understand that these matters seem so irrelevant at a time like this, and hoping that your the pain eases as time goes on

here ia link to the pensions office

pensions office

Lars I am so sorry.Big hug. My dad died on the 19th Feb and it was a huge blow as he was only 65. There are things that are only just beginning to hit me now. All the things he will never know about and so on. But even more on my mind is worry about my disabled mum who is 3 hours away and I am the only one. Its very hard isn't it. You feel pulled in all directions. Just make sure you don't spend all your time worrying about others and give yourself a little time too. Maybe even make your own little private ceremony as a way of saying goodbye.

Ds gleefully sang that granny had two people who had died now (her dog died last year) - they way kids react to death can be frighteningly blunt.

When we went to register the death the registrar gave my mum a stack of booklets all about money and stuff. I had a look at it and it was really useful. I'm sure your mum will be entitled to stuff long term. The biggest worry for us was the cost of the funeral. Fortunately my dad had just received a large pension payout so he basically paid for it himself.

I have found myself talking to myself about the whole thing driving back from the school run. Sounds loopy but helps me get things straight in my head.

Big hug.

Thanks to everyone that has posted on this subject. Your kind words and advice has been helpful at this difficult time. Funeral yet to come, will be next Friday.
Message for Rae1973 Thanks for your support,I will be in touch soon. Larsxx

Lars - I am so sorry to hear your news. My dad died unexpectedly two years ago and I know how devastating it is. The financial worries are an additional strain. Agree that the Pensions people are v helpful, we also found my parent's bank (a small branch who had known them for years) were also very good. My sister (who lived v near) had to go through my Mum's finances with her - like so many of her generation she had let my Dad deal with everything - and had little idea of their financial position (which was, in fact, worse than anyone thought).

It is probably too early for your Mum but when you think she is ready get her some information on Cruse. They really helped my Mum. She is very anti-counselling but they arranged for someone of her age, also widowed, to visit her once a week. She found it a lifeline - just to talk about how she felt with someone who really knew. They also have group meetings which she went to for about a year.

And remember you need to grieve too. Don't get so wrapped up in supporting your Mum that you don't give yourself time to come to terms with what has happened. I didn't look after myself at all and ended up very ill. So take good care of yourself too.
X

lars, so sorry to hear about your dad. This may not be relevant, but does your mum drive? We didn't realise when my dad died that because mum was on his insurance, she was no longer insured once he'd died. She drove around for over a month before we realised.