Feel so alone!! HELP!!

[Mummy93]

Hi everyone I'm looking for some help/advice anything really to make me feel better!
I have a 2 yr old boy and an almost 3 month old girl, live with my partner and been with him for 5 yrs. I always wanted to have kids, we had them young, we are both 20. We decided to have 2 kids close together and that was it, so then once they are older we won't be that old. I'm a SAHM as my partner works full time and supports us all. When it was just me and my boy at home things were ok, there were good and bad days as I'm sure is normal. We decided to have another once he reached the age of 1 and it happened very quickly. I had an emergency c section with my first and a planned one with my second. Since having my second things seemed to turn bad.... Being the age my boy is (2), he is a complete nightmare, he doesn't listen to a word you say, doesn't understand simple instructions or chooses not to understand. He cannot talk so his way of communicating with us is by standing there and screaming to get our attention which is driving me mad. Simple things like going out is hell! I have to chase him around the house and pin him down to get his coat on and get him into the pushchair so I choose not to bother going out and have isolated myself in the house for 10 hrs a day while my partner is at work. My little girl (3months) has been hard work since the days she was born, she is a very sicky baby and have changed her milk several times which doesn't seem to be helping. She cries constantly all day for no reason that I can understand. She doesn't sleep till 1am which I myself have to deal with her and then we are up again at 6am with our boy even though he won't go to bed till 10-11pm! We have recently brought a puppy which seems to be the worse decision ever! My little boy won't leave him alone which results in the dog play fighting and biting him and my toddler goes back for more everytime and won't listen when I say no, we have tried everything. The naughty step, sending him to bed, time out's he just won't listen he is covered in scratches and bruises through the dog and it doesn't bother him. I am going insane being at home all day almost every day during the week. When people come over I feel I have to put on a brave face and a fake smile to show everything is fine and my life is perfect and is far from it! I am scared to leave the house with them both fearing that if we are seen by other people when my toddler is having a tantrum that I'll be judged and show I'm not coping and a typical young mum- hence the reason I don't go out. I have told my partner about how I'm feeling and all he has to say is that I over exaggerate and I need to go out and other people won't think that, but that's all I think when I do leave the house. My partner doesn't help much during the time he is here as he is tired from work understandingly but he sees it that his job is harder than mine, and that he'd rather be at home and it's easy. He's never been on his own with the kids all day, and when he's left for an hour at most I find the house is a tip and our boy is doing things he's not allowed to and nothing is how it should be. I absolutely hate my life and dream of running away and never coming back! I love my children but at the same time I seem to feel as if I resent them for taking my life away and making my life hell! Does anyone else feel this way? Am I depressed? Do I need help? People offer to have them for a few hours or overnight but as soon as they come home it all starts again. I burst into tears almost everyday when my partner leaves for work for the fear of being alone all day. Me and my partner are constantly arguing, we very rarely have a conversation. We sit in the living room in silence unless one of us asks each other to do something for the children. Someone please help! Im seriously on the edge!

Mummy even if he screams for an hour it will only take a few days and he will realise and learn a bedtime routine. My toddler goes at 8 - 6am if she wakes up before then she gets put back to bed and told it's not morning. Again this seemed harsh at the time but she learnt. Routine is so important, it will calm and structure you both. No daytime naps either of this will impede on his bedtime

I think you need to get some structure to your days - I always foudn days when I knew what I was going to do much easier.

Firstly, find out about all the baby and toddler groups in your area - library, church, soft play - google Peterborough play groups or similar. Also, Netmums is good for local info like this (better than MN local I think).

Then - all the parks and playgrounds you can get to.

Try to have something on every morning and afternoon. If there's nothing on, plan something for inside the house - have a duplo morning, or painting - that kind of thing. DD used to love painting and then messing around for ages (longer than she spent painting!) 'washing up' - yes, the kitchen floor got all wet but it kept her occupied for a good half hour.

I used to make everyday thinks an outing, like going to the supermaket - that would be a morning activity.

It takes 3 trains and around 90 mins to get to my mum's but I do it every fortnight or so - the journey is exciting for DD, took a backpack filled with books, little toys and snacks. My mum has a lot of toys acquired from other grandmas and charity shops and things on offer in Lidl - could you and your mum build up a small selection to keep at her house?

these are all just suggestions and not all will work for you, or with 2 children (I just have DD), but hopefully something in there might help!

Oh and reward charts - you say they didn't work with potty training, but that might just be because he's not ready to be potty training, so they may work for other things? Or the pasta jar - have a small jam jar and every time he keeps one of the 'rules' (sitting down at lunchtime, not chasing the dog - whatever you want) you put a piece of pasta in - when it's full he gets a treat (not a material treat necessarily, but a trip to his favourite park or something like that). Don't take pasta away for being 'naughty'.

It's hard with little ones, isn't it?!!

Op I know how you feel.

My DS is very boisterous, I stopped going to play groups, soft play, meeting friends, And practically became a recluse, it only made him worse

He has a lot of energy that needs burning off, and as daunting as it may seem the only way of him doing this is by going out, for a walk, to the park, to the shop, at least once a day.
If you do this his sleep will improve!

I have a 12mo too and it takes a lot of adjusting to work out a new routine with a little one and a toddler but you can do it.

Make a plan for tomorrow, be determined to leave the house by 10am, or whatever time suits. Start getting ready at 9am of you have to. Take the double buggy and the reins. And the sling for baby.

It's hard and I still feel very anxious about leaving the a house, DS is 3 now and still hard work but things have improved over time