Potty Training Still Not Working at 3.5yrs....I Admit, I'm Getting Frustrated

[FixItUpChappie]

I know getting frustrated is counterproductive. I just don't know where to go from here with it TBH.

My nearly 3.5 yr old can poop/pee in the potty but doesn't want to. He just doesn't care about it.

on recommendation from MNers we took a Christmas break from the whole thing - didn't speak about it at all for 3 weeks. Then last week we restarted with a new incentive plan...3 pees or poops = hot wheels car. I made a nice chart complete with car stickers...he was thrilled! I put him straight to underwear too, no more pull ups. this is our 3rd attempt at tackling the potty milestone.

It went great for about 2 days now we are back to not wanting to weeing/pooping his pants...not caring at all. today he pee'd in his underwear 3 times and pooped once before I put a pullup back on. He wasn't even telling me when he had gone...just waited for me to notice a large puddle on the floor/smell issue.

I when I ask him how he feels about poop in his pants he says it yucky. when I ask him if he'd like to use the potty or be in diapers he says diapers, but I can't get a specific dislike about the potty out of him.

In had my DH try to teach him to pee standing (like a fire hose) in case that helped...no, it didn't.

where should we go from here? Stop again? just keep at it this time? pull ups? no pull ups? how often should we ask him if he has to go? I don't want to nag constantly....? If I make him try he won't sit and it's all a battle for nothing.

Any and all advice welcome!

I should add we are a week into this latest potty system.

Hi
My 3.5yr old DS is also not potty trained. I find it really frustrating too. But he hasn't even been to the toilet on a potty even once. So I think you've got the makings of success there already.

I would definitely say, it was time to push on through. No more pull ups (apart from at nighttime for now). The accidents you have had today are him testing you as much as anything else, to see how committed you are I think. If you just keep going, he will sense your resolve and realise it is something he has to do.

Now time for me to take my own advice.....

Agree with above

and have you got a loo seat for him so he has a choice of either?

no idea - but mine is exactly the same, and the same age.

The frustrating thing is I thought we had it cracked a few months ago, but we got fed up of the smell of him sitting on the potty in the living room so made him use the toilet - it's slowly digenerated until now he's just like yours - pooing and weeing himself and just not caring.

Incentives only work to a certain extent - ie. 1 cartoon for a poo/pee and he actually rations out his wees so that he runs off and does another one when the cartoon ends. Alarms, or marching him off ourselves kinda worked - but again he'd only do the bare minimum, then wet himself in between visits.

He has control, he knows when he needs to go, he's just decided that he doesn't want to participate and nothing is persuading him - not carrot, and not stick.

So I'm no help at all... just another hopeless would-be potty trainer, fed up of cleaning poo from trousers, and wee off the settee.

thank you! yes he he has a Thomas potty seat that goes on the toilet. I've taken some deep breathes -will not stop again, will put undies back on tomorrow and just keep it positive. I hope I haven't set us too far back my getting exasperated today

Oh Chucky...cross posted - sorry to hear your in the same boat but also a bit relieved (sorry)

DS is now 4.5 and took a year to potty train between 3-4 (and he's still not 100%). He just wasn't bothered and reward schemes didn't seem to help. He was generally better with wee than poo and I spent months washing out or throwing out pooey pants but has now not had a poo accident for some months (though til very recently he would still do one in bed occasionally). He will still just NOT go, even when he is crossed legged and hopping about and the toilet is right there. We're now trying to get him dry and night which is equally challenging! All I can suggest is perseverance, try NOT to get cross if you possibly can and keep lots of dry clothes in the changing bag so it doesn't upset the day's plans if he has more than one accident. It may help when he gets to school or pre-school and he sees the other kids doing it.

I am glad to know I am not alone, my son is four in March and still not potty trained, not even close.

He is autistic which doesn't help, his speech is pretty much only echolalia (he repeats things like a parrot but doesn't communicate).

We are trying again in the February half term and I have a great bribe but I am unsure if he would understand the concept of getting an item for doing a certain thing so that probably wont work either.

Today started with me cheerfully saying "hey lets go potty and get all dry and cozy!" and him responding with "Noooo!! I don't want to potty, noooo! - refusing to even sit down" claiming he didn't have to go. So he agreed to go after breakfast instead - but pooped and pee'd in his underwear literally just as I went to retrieve him to try again. At least I stayed positive. I just reminded him we pee and poop in the potty and carried on cleaning it up.

[exasperated emoticon]

Have you gone mega over the top with enthusiasm when he does do it? We had to cheer and sing a silly song we made up about going. We also kept saying how big it made them and named a friend that always went. Have you tried watching poo goes to pooland? It is on utube and it might encourage him to send his poo to join his friends - mad I know but I think it helped by dd1

Might not be any help but I just went for straight out bribery of the chocolate button variety - 1 for a wee, 2 for a poo. An immediate small reward can be more effective than storing up successes for a bigger reward with little ones I think.

I agree a reward every third time might be too hard to grasp at this age... DS got a small chocolate bar every time he did a poo on the toilet for months, which did the trick. Trying now to wean him off them, but tbh I think I'd rather he had a chocolate bar a day until he's 18 rather than go back to cleaning up poo!
Good luck, its so hard!