Feeling low - where do I start to sort this out?

[LightminTheQueem]

I feel like I can't see the wood for the trees at the moment and could really use some help with where to start. DD2 is nearly 9mo, still bf to sleep, still waking 3 times a nigh for milk, screams and screams if I try to settle her in her cot in the day (occasionally will manage it with much shushing) and then only sleeps for half an hour each nap. She's in a pinching, scratching phase, so cuddling or bfing quite painful. She's had an upset tummy for weeks, lots of changes of clothes, first GP appointment is in three days. She was having formula to prepare for stating at CM in a few months but I've given up on that since the tummy problems and am second guessing whether that was right or not. I don't know.

Am trying to do all cleaning, laundry, most of the cooking myself as DH is fairly defensive and will just argue if I ask for help and then moan and demand a lot of gratitude if he does do things. To be fair be does cook and wash up, and does things with the kids but no cleaning, washing, bed changing etc. I get everyone ready for the school run, which usually means waking earlier than he does, and he lies in at weekends unless I go in and demand to get back in bed. I don't really know how it got like this, we used to share it out more and I don't know how much to ask for as he does work ft and I'm on mat leave.

DD1 is unhappy at school, tears every morning, lots of coaxing to try to get her to go in every day. Really I just want to say 'fine, stay at home with me.' I'd rather have her around.

Where do I start with all this? It's just getting too much, and I can't see how it's going to be any better when I go back to work in a few months.

Phew! I felt exhausted just reading all of that. I can't see how it's going to be better when you go back to work in a few months either to be honest.

As for where you should start; while my heart says you should start be kicking your lazy butt husband to the curb, my head says you should maybe start with DD2 and the sleep deprivation that is causing you. Mainly because lack of sleep can make everything else seem overwhelming.

My son had similar sleeping issues to your DD for a little while and the advice I was given be the community nurse was to feed him more solids. She felt as though he wasn't getting full enough from milk and that was causing him to only sleep for short periods of time. Could that be an issue with your DD?

As for pinching/scratching she is old enough to learn some limits there. When she does it, give her a firm no! and put her down. Doesn't have to be for long. Then pick her up again, rinse and repeat for as many times as it takes.

So maybe for the next few days you could just take baby steps and work on those two things. Solids and no scratching/pinching. Or if not those, two things of your choosing.

How Old is Dd1?and about DD2,does she wake only to feed or actually stays awake?

Lyllie - thank you. I can't even tell if it's normal any more! I do offer her solids, but it's pretty sporadic and she'll eat 5 or 6 spoonfuls at most really. Am worried since this funny tummy that I've given her something that doesn't agree with her so I've probably offered less today. She's usually pretty tired by dinner so doesn't have much then.

Mysister - DD1 is 5, in yr 1. DD2 mostly wakes just to feed and falls asleep while feeding. But if I try to put her down too soon she will wake and cry for more milk, won't be put down awake (she used to manage it but not now). Sometimes she will be up for longer and I usually try to settle her for a bit and then get DH to help.

Yeah the tummy could definitely be something that doesn't agree with her. And if it is an intolerance or allergy it could explain her irritability and disrupted sleep. It might be worth doing a back to basics food trial. She's at a great age to do one. You could try Failsafe or the RPAH elimination diet. Obviously with the breast milk will mean you won't have to worry so much about nutritional issues while she is doing it.

My daughter had a dairy and wheat allergy when she was little but grew out of them as she got older. She can be a little sensitive to them now if she eats too much though. The only way we knew was that she kept getting recurrent UTI's and a specialist picked up that it could be allergy related.

Here is the failsafe link and it has a bit about RPAH too I think

failsafediet.wordpress.com/the-rpah-elimination-diet-failsafe/

I just picked up on the comment about formula - if she is 9mo and starting at the CM in a few months, she won't need it. She can have full fat cows' milk after 12 months and even if she is starting before then, will likely prefer to manage with breastfeeds in the morning/evening (my 11mo DS does this and is absolutely fine, he's always hated formula so I just gave up bothering). Just wanted to give you one less thing to worry about

And I sympathise with the pinching and scratching phase. DH and I restrain and clip nails short every few days, hair tied back, no jewellery - it's all damage limitation around here...

Thank you for the links, Lyllie. I've cut back to fruit and veg for now just so she has easier things to digest. I'll check out the elimination diets.

kong - I was thinking that about cow's milk. I just worry that it will be too late and go wrong and make it harder for her to settle with the childminder. That's my worry with the sleep too really - I want to make going back to work as easy as possible but at the moment I'm up all night and still mainly bfing!