6 year old saying he wants to leave/ have a new mummy

[GoodnessKnows]

My DS says this when he has a consequence for having done something wrong (being rude and having something confiscated, usually).
He threatens to leave and even goes so far as to get his lamb lamb and head for the door!
I know it sounds silly, but if he can want to leave and think of it when he has just turned 6, I worry about what he will do in his early teens and beyond.

I'm a fair and kind parent but he also often tells me that he wants a new mummy. I pretend not to be bothered. But I am.

Even though he's only sent to his room (6 mins) or something is confiscated if he's really rude or naughty, he gets so angry and frustrated that he's even said a few times that he wants to die / cut himself up into little pieces. That I find highly concerning. I called CAMHS recently. They didn't seem to be particularly worried.
Is this really normal for a 6 year old in year 1?

I found Camhs very unhelpful until I had nagged, complained and cried. it took a year. dd was talking similarly. she is a very unhappy child. she is finally getting help.go to your gp, talk to the school and keep pushing

My ds is in year 1. He has once about 6 months ago told me he wanted another mummy
It hurt me so much I cannot imagine what you are going through. Maybe speak to school? Or your gp?

Ah yes. My youngest 2 (aged 7 and 5) have form for this!

How do you react when he says he hates you/wants a new mummy? Because if you give rise to the situation, i.e. "oh no DS, you mustn't leave", or "don't you dare talk to me like that!" then he's getting attention from acting this way.

The best thing is to stay totally calm and say something like "Well that's a sham because I'd miss you darling". Then ignore, ignore, ignore. If my DC are sent to their rooms and are saying these things, I don't engage at all. If they are still saying these things after they come out, then I suggest a quiet activity and give them space. Eventually they calm down enough to talk about why they were so sad/mad/upset.

With regards to saying he wants to hurt himself, whilst it is distressing to hear, it is most likely something he's heard in the playground and is repeating in the heat of the moment. Check nothing else is bothering him (at school for example), and then try having a chat when he's calm.

Thank you. Yes, my hunch is to get urgent help as he's so young to have feelings like this and diesbt seem to be able to tolerate or associate a mild consequence with his own behaviour. I've tried everything - rewards of umpteenth varieties. It hurts me but I want to help him ;(

My 5 yo dd has said a few times that she wants to die and wants a new home.
I've thought of it as her trying to express that she is very distressed by something, & while it upsets me that she is distressed I haven't been worried by it. Sort of like the next stage up from toddler tantrums?

No, telling you he wants to die or cut himself in pieces is not normal at all. How often does he tell you he wants a new mummy' once per week? Once per month? DS1 told me just once in 10 years he wanted a new mummy. At that time he was 3. DS2 never in 7 years. So it's not a normal phase.

I could call CAMHS back and tell them you fear you're facing a situation that might escalate and that you need strategies on how to solve it.

Maybe meanwhile, you should show that you're bothered when he tells you so. That you're terribly hurt and sad, because you wouldn't be able to imagine life without him. Ask him what he would like his mummy to be: less shouty, more playful, ....
Speak to him and let him know your feelings otherwise he may convince himself that you don't care and then you enter in a spiral.

I've our second CAMHS assessment next Monday. What can I expect? I've heard nothing good about CAMHS in terms of them offering help.

There is child/adolescent mental health board on Mumsnet www.mumsnet.com/Talk/child_adolescent_mental_health, where maybe people with more experience with similar situations may help. Several of them had to deal with CAMHS so I am sure they can explain how these issues are treated.
You can either post another thread there or ask this to be moved by reporting it to MNHQ

Ds2 (5 nearly 6) says this with great frequency - as did I at the same age. I had very big emotions as a child, and I loved my mother dearly. I said it cause it was the most hurtful and awful thing I could think of to say and therefore hurt both her and myself (because I hated myself for upsetting her).

I'm quite a calm adult, and I don't worry about the same behavior in ds2 cause I remember exactly that rage and the need for a reaction. Like me he calms down again quickly and then we have a cuddle.

If your child is self-harming then yes, seek help. Otherwise (personally) I wouldn't worry too much.

Thank you both! I'll seek out that post for CAMHS advice / experience ... And feel better to know it's not so unusual and may, please gd, pass.