Any advice on how to raise boys?

[NoSnotAllowed]

DS1 is 2.2 and DS2 is 10months.

Up until now DS1 has been really good with DS2 - not overly affectionate but the odd kiss and would bring him toys/books.

In the last few days though it seems that DS1 has really started to resent DS2's presence - he's pushing him over, hitting him with toys and if I show one bit of attention towards DS2 then DS1 is in my face demanding hugs.

This is so unlike DS1 who has always been very good at playing independently, and whilst he's always affectionate he has never been clingy.

I just feel guilty all the time about who is/isn't getting enough attention :(

I'm really hoping its just a blip but does anyone have any tips on raising boys to get along rather than resent each other?

From your OP, I think the issue is less that they are male, and more that they are siblings.

Read Siblings Without Rivalry. I wish I'd read it when mine were as little as yours!

Thanks sanity. I didn't mean they were being troublesome because they were boys, just wondered if there were tried and tested boy-specific methods if that makes sense.

That book looks really interesting. Definitely worth a read I think!

I like this book too

www.amazon.co.uk/Steve-Biddulphs-Raising-Boys-Well-Balanced/dp/0007153694

Lots of exercise.

They will fight, don't take sides or try and sort out their arguments. One minute they will be rolling around on the floor hitting each other and the next huddled up on the sofa best of friends.

They will be the best of mates, my two 12 and 10 are upstairs in a virtual world. My two still like rolling around, jumping on each other... Now I just shut the door and mumsnet...

I also recommend Steve Biddulph's Raising Boys.

One thing he suggests about parenting boys that has really stuck in mine & DH's mind (we are veteran parents of three now almost grown boys) is that when boys are playing in a group they need to know three things:

• who is in charge
• what are the rules
• will those rules be enforced fairly by whoever is in charge

I'm sure these points would apply to girls as well, but it has always seemed sensible advice to me.

I also agree with lots of exercise & fresh air, and try to make sure you have one on one time with each of them. Also keep up the hugs right into the teenage years - even if they are brushing you away.

Mine still play fight at 20, 18 & 16

I agree with Dededum. The key is lots of exercise and fresh air. Tire them out.

Boys are like puppies. Feed them, walk them, clean up after them. They will return the love with snotty/slobbery kisses.

If all else fails, hide in the kitchen with Mumsnet whilst they run amok. Occasionally throw custard creams at them.

#parentingguru

Has your little one just started standing/ walking? I think my older DS found this a new threat, but rest assured it is a stage and will pass. My DSs 3.8 and 16 months have been through some tricky phases but now younger one is more stable on his feet and able to stand up for himself we se to be at a better stage. Good luck!

I need to treat my 5 yo DS like a Labrador. Regular meals, a good run for an hour a day, and be firm but fair. The Steve Biddilph has some good pointers.

My two are 8 and 5 now, and it is such a delight to see them sat together (almost stuck together!) playing lego or star wars, to find that one of them has snuck into the others bed and they are cuddled up fast asleep, or conspiring together over some masterplan to overthrow the Parental Units.
Of course, they fight like cat & dog at least twice a day. But the end each day with a kiss and a cuddle. (House Rule: Don't go to bed angry stay up and fight)

OP, it gets better! Many a time I've wistfully thought how different our house would be with gentle calm girls, but actually I wouldn't swap my boys for all the tea in China. Boys are rough, noisy and smelly so much fun!

I don't know how to manage mine, 2 and 4 yrs so watching this with interest. They fight a lot. And make each other cry.

I think that DS1 has probably realised that Ds2 is here to stay.

I agree with everyone who said lots of fresh air and exercise. Also, try to give the older one attention when the little one is asleep. I know it is tempting to try to get the cleaning done, or the cooking, but the housework will still be there when they start school.

I wish I had played more and struggled less to do the housework. It is the one thing I really do regret. (Mine are in their 20s now and are the best of friends).

Seeing that they youngest is only 10 months I don't think you have the option of letting them fight it out like puppies- you need to manage the older one (extra attention, making him feel grown up, love bombing, vigilant eye) so as to keep the little one safe.

And frankly, I don't think just because they are boys you have to accept constant hitting and punching once they are older if you don't happen to like having that kind of behaviour around. My parents put a stop to it every time- my 3 brothers grew up just fine. Just patiently put a stop to it again and again until the message finally sank in. You can enjoy physical activity without hurting somebody else.

Wow thanks everyone.

Feeling a bit better about it all today, there has been a lot less intentional violence from DS1..

Yes, DS2 has just started cruising so think he's making his presence a bit more known to DS1.

Can I ask, do you not get involved in any of their fights, or is there a line that once crossed means some form of intervention?

I can't wait until they play together :)

And yes, I quite often hide in the kitchen eating chocolate and eyeing up the wine in the fridge wish I could fit an armchair in there!

I don't put up with kicking or punching, anything overtly aggressive. "Keep your hands and feet to yourself" is a mantra I utter about 50 times a day!