Building confidence in children - any neat, easily implementable ideas ?

[Twinkle1984]

I'm looking for ways to increase my 3 and a half year olds confidence. I would rather avoid buying lengthy books on the topic, and want quick easy ideas...

So far I have come up with :

1. Being featured in a kids magazine - sending in a picture
2. Having an art display wall at home
3. Having parent and child sketchbooks as a dual activity (found this idea on pin)
4. Special time (already do this)
5. Birthday card on cbeebies
6. Lots of praise, no telling off unless dangerous activity (already doing)

Can anyone think of any others...

I would ditch nr 1, 2, 3 and 5. and change them for:

1. do an activity he decides, whatever it is
2. ask him to help you with a task (baking, grocery shopping, ....)
3. Hug him and tell him he is a great person
4. take a ball , go to a field and play football so he can be better than you at one thing
5. Enroll him to a mini Taekwondo class
6. why no telling off unless dangerous? So does this mean he can throw all the books on the floor, eat chocolate cake for breakfast, lunch and dinner. I think rules and "NOs" are important to raise confidence

He won't receive more confidence from seeing things on a wall, magazine or TV from or about himself. He will build confidence with his own actions.

I wouldn't bother with 1 & 5 either. Ask him to help you a lot - e.g. at the supermarket, let him choose the apples, bread, etc.

Enrol in a class of some sort (my two do little kickers and it's really boosted my eldest's confidence when he kicks a goal etc).

We do have an art display wall in our kitchen as mine like to see what they've made on display but it's just there for their enjoyment more than anything.

Encourage him to interact with others - e.g. in a café, I encourage DS1 to ask for his own drink, to say thank you, to say bye when we're leaving, etc.

Does your child go to preschool/nursery? Pre-school really helped confidence here.

If by no telling off unless it's dangerous you mean letting him do things outside your comfort zone - go for it.

I never had any choice, my (still at 15 quietly confident) DD1 simply climbed everything. From 3-11 she happily frightened other parents and sometimes even older children by being up the big kids climbing equipment or any available tree.

How do you build confidence in a DC who doesn't have it, I don't know, I just always expected my DDs to give things a go and mostly they do.

DD2 is physically very confident, but emotionally less so. She is much better at making friends, but the flip side is she cares what people think. DD1 is, by nature and necessity, far more self reliant.

Sorry my daughter is extremely well behaved that's why she is never told off (hardly). I can count on 1 hand the amount of tantrums she has had since she was born!

We do a lot of activities gym, swimming etc and she is in nursery. She has definitely not gained any more confidence since starting.

She already helps a lot and we do things together every afternoon. She gets tons of praise, this was recommended to us 6 months ago by her speech therapist.

She is still very unconfident, that is why I am looking for cute ideas.

And yet

Forget 1 and 5!

Always praise the effort they've made, not the outcome.

Don't just praise all the time, really, dont! It is undermining to their confidence- after a bit they don't hear it. Lord knows why the ST recommended that.

Do things alongside her, so she can see how it's done, rather than just explaining.

Let her see you fail. Children have to learn it's okay to fail, and that we can only learn through failure.

Some children are just more cautious and reserved- let her be who she is, without 'jollying' her out of it- celebrate who she is not who you'd like her to be.

Model confidence, braveness (that's not the word, it's a mental block I have on the real word, sorry!), assuredness, trying new things.

Make sure she knows what the boundaries are for behaviour, and always keep to them (though it sounds like no issues there)

Sorry, I don't know why I got the idea is was a little boy.

Maybe give her some space so that she can have some initiative. In nursery, swimming and most of the time in nursery you are told what to do, or to be quiet, to wait for your turn (even if she is quiet), . Invite some friends from nursery and let them do things quiet or messy (a tent with sheets in the living room, a spider net with some wool, ...). Give her choices. Or if she likes fancy dresses , invent some stories, role playing, give her your high heels and lipstick , and play that she is the mother and you the child, .....

Tell her you enjoyed playing with her after a play session. Praise her indirectly, by telling her she made you feel good and happy, not by telling 10 times per day that she is a good girl. Maybe she doesn't want to be a good girl who always do as told, finish her plate, never get dirty, ....what I mean is praise her for what she does, not because she did what you wanted her to do.

Of course, if she is a shy child, who likes quiet play, there is no problem at all. Why do you think she has issues with confidence?

I guess it's more social confidence rather than self confidence? She hardly talks outside the home if parents are not around. She is confident at activities such as climbing but not with others. It was suggested to me though that maybe self confidence had impacted on the social side? I'm not sure to be honest...

Perhaps you could have people over to play, so she feels comfortable (own environment) and can concentrate on the social side?
She's still very young to be worrying about social confidence- children dont really play with others at her age, just alongside others.

1 other thing- have you had her eyes tested at all?
My DS was extremely shy of others (v confident with me and his dad)- turns out he couldnt see faces, so other people scared him, as they 'loomed' out of the background, and he heard their voices, but didn't know who they were IYSWIM. Now he has specs, he's a happy, confident little chap!

Are you socially confident and does she see you chatting to people happily even if you don't know them.

Are you happy to do daft things, go on the swings, water shoots, fairground rides.

I knew two very shy preschoolers, the one with the out going parents grew out of it by reception. The one with very reserved parents still thinks I'm scary at 12.

I'm not scary, she's been one of DDs BFs since they were 2, she's seen me 1000's of times. She drives me nuts.

Have you practiced role play with her?

My dd that had speech issues due to glue ear completely changed personality from virtual selective mute to super confident once she had her grommits put in as she turned 5. TBH her hearing was only just boderline to qualify .

Has her hearing been checked recnetly?

I've heard that too Splashing, and think it makes sense. It's more encouraging to comment on how much a child seems to enjoy something in their own right so our opinions and judgements on them are not part of the activity.

Help them be self reliant - butter own toast, tie own shoelaces etc.
The more they can do for themselves, the prouder they are of themselves. Allow them to face disappointments and deal with them. Better to try out for a part in school play or a piano exam etc and fail than not to try. Make sure they realise failure isn't permanent, but totally normal and part of any learning and development.People who learn how to cope with disappointment and failure are far more successful than people who are shielded from it.