Have there been moments with your children of which the memory still sort of haunts you?

[emkana]

There have been a few incidences with the dd's where I feel that I have totally overreacted, shouting too much and about stuff that wasn't really worth shouting about in the first place, and the dd's being very upset and bewildered by it.
I still feel haunted by the memory of these incidences, and it's troubling really, in a way I would like to apologize to them now for being like that at the time, but then they wouldn't remember anyway...
Btw those were the times when I was either pregnant or had a newborn, so that explains a bit why I was like I was, but I still wish I could undo some of those moments.

Plenty of shouting in this house too!

But one moment which does haunt is when I found dd sticking a pencil into our new soft PC screen and without thinking I said 'Don't do that! Daddy will kill you!' She burst into tears and wailed 'He can't kill me, I'm only a little girl'. I was utterly devastated.

Shit I wish I hadn't brought that up again. I'm now crying

My ds2 age 4 whilst i was shouting at ds1(14) and dd1 (12). Said whilst crying " Mummy families are supposed to love each other please stop shouting" God I cried.

Have also shouted, will you f*cking shut up.....

DD replied, mummy, we don't say shut up....

obviously ok to swear though.

I feel really bad about this as I don't swear that often, but it shows that sometimes I just lose it, and that frightens me, never remember my mum ever losing it, she was so patient, but I'm not...

The other day, we had some friends round and were drinking a beer in the back garden. I have been quite down and I was trying to tell my friends that one of the things I miss is having a holiday where we can get up late, mooch round cafes and bars, etc. "You still can have holidays, he's old enough to take with you almost anywhere" they said (well-meaning but missing the point). I was so wrapped up in feeling bad, I just spat out "Oh, it's not the same since we've had him" and looked down to see ds looking right at me. He held my gaze then looked away and wouldn't speak to me for a while. He's 2.7. I am crying now, typing this - I just feel so bad because I didn't mean it the way it came out, and I know he wouldn't understand the context, and I can't forget the way he looked.

ooh mrs BC

You're only saying what I think silently in my head from time to time. Exactly the same issue - where has my life gone since I had Stripe? I was 32 when I had her, and had been with dh for 15 years, so we'd done lots of travelling, mooching and getting up late, as you describe.

Occasionally I think "God, another 15 years until we can do that again". I'm sure he won't be affected by what you said, but it's obviously affected you, you poor bugger .

I actually said, wearily, "oh fuck off" to my dd about a month ago. I'd been looking after her with no help for days and just couldn't deal with the whingeing any more. I feel awful about it actually.

(but as she's only 12 months, she won't remember!)

Being involved in a car accident with all three boys in the backseat. Thankfully they were all ok after the initial shock but it was very traumatic at the time.

Thanks mogs, but really, these things we say are part of the fabric of the subconscious, aren't they? I can remember things from his age. (Mind you, mostly about ducks and boats...)