Have there been moments with your children of which the memory still sort of haunts you?

[emkana]

There have been a few incidences with the dd's where I feel that I have totally overreacted, shouting too much and about stuff that wasn't really worth shouting about in the first place, and the dd's being very upset and bewildered by it.
I still feel haunted by the memory of these incidences, and it's troubling really, in a way I would like to apologize to them now for being like that at the time, but then they wouldn't remember anyway...
Btw those were the times when I was either pregnant or had a newborn, so that explains a bit why I was like I was, but I still wish I could undo some of those moments.

oh god yes and on most ocassions I have apologised to them, but when pg with DD2, I kicked one of DD1's toys right across the room cos I nearly fell over it whilst in a rush to get out in the morning.

The look of bewilderment and more prob fear will be with me always.

yup - once when I belted DS on the bottom ...

Thankfully he was 18 months and still in nappies .... so my reaction didn't cause him any pain ... it just shocked him

the thing that sticks in my mind the most is standing next to the bunk beds when dd1 took a flying leap over the bars, i caught her by the back of her clothes and her nose just skimmed the floor. the memory of that and what could've happened if i hadnt reacted so quickly still haunts me.

now though .... when I lose it .... they are old enough for me to apologise.
I don't think it's that bad for kids to realise that parents are human too - and can sometimes "let off steam"

Awwww, bless you. I do feel bad if I shout unnessarily but it doesn't haunt me as such, I tend to mull thigns over for a day or two and sort of work out what I will do if a similar situation occurs and then move on from it.

Generally speaking, I do think that us modern day mothers try too hard to be perfect in every sense and are very hard on ourselves when things go wrong and that we should be more forgiving and kind to ourselves, especially in times of stress like having a newborn/being pregnant.

Also children do learn that actually Mum is human and has her limits! Oh, and if I have shouted at the kids and are out of order then I do apologise and explain why I shouted (obvisouly not weeks after the event).

No big moments here, but many little moments. Mostly being impatient with them at bedtime and looking at them so inncoently asleep afterwards thinking I am a right cow sometimes.

dd1 ignored me and made to run into a road. i grabbed her by the arm and smacked her bum.

that haunts me.

not that i smacked her, but what could have happened if i hadn't grabbed her.

she never did it again, tho.

I am ashamed to say that I have sworn at my children when seriously stressed and hormonal!

BUT

they then know that they have pushed me too far, and so calm down. I think cos I so rarely do then it does shock them when I have 'lost' it.

I ALWAYS say sorry, and they also always say sorry too for being so rowdy to have got to me that much. Helps them see I am normal and human too, and that mummy isn't all perfect, and makes them much more sympathetic too....and they all know how to say sorry and mean it too, as they have learnt that everyone does something wrong but it is always better once apologies have been said.

I've never really shouted at dd or smacked her but I feel bad when I've got impatient with her, especially at bedtime.

But far and away my WORST memory is picking dd up from school on a day when i was really stressed and tired and forgetting to strap her into the childseat on the back of the bike. We have go to over quite busy roads and a windy route, goodness knows how easily she might have just been tipped out. I didn't realise until we'd got home.

imaginaryfriend, how old is your dd?
You have my admiration for never shouting!
(I have never smacked either)

Oh absolutely! I have overreacted on many occasions & felt terrible after, especially at times of stress. I then get the most awful feelings of guilt & that I am not cut out to be a parent etc!

I once heard my child rooting around in my handbag - I went to see what he was doing and he had a cigarette in his mouth and was trying to light it.

I quit smoking the next day, have not smoked since, nor has my partner, because seeing that was the worst thing I have ever seen. He was only two and it was years ago but I can picture it so clearly that my face is flushing with shame as I type.

Now every time I get a wiff of smoke and decide it smells nice, I recall that image to my mind and it puts me off for another year.

A few shouting incidents that leave me ashamed!

The biggest thing that i still think 'what if' though was this.
We have an old style wooden very heavy ottoman (is that the name) with gothicky pointed handles. It's hard to explain but the handles come down from the lid like pointed daggers. When dd1 was about 1 or 2 i was putting things in it and she was standing next to me holing on to it. I JUST put my head up in time for the heavy lid to crash down on my head. I literally saw starts and thought i was gonna pass out (and i enjoy childbirth me!). It was only after a few seconds reflection that i realised that dd little head was directly under one of the dagger handles and if my head hadn't been hit first, well i don't want to know
It's in the spare room where the dd's don't go but i will never go near it again with a child.
That haunts me!

from 0-6 years old with all of them - haunts me to this day

Oh most certainly........................

Giving him formula..............thankfully I took out a insurance policy, for his counselling.

Once I was very upset with dh (with half a good reason, iyswim) and absolutely lost it with him in front of ds, who was about 10 months at the time.
His poor crumpling bewildered face makes me thoroughly ashamed of myself.
LGJ, don't let that thread get to you. Easier said than done, I know.

lol

I will always remember the gut-wrenching, heart-breaking moment when I mistakenly steered my Sainsbury's trolley down the frozen aisle and perilously close to something processed and breadcrumbed.

Not my finest hour.

lol mogwai

Bad memory? Out of control gibbering wreck style row with dh whilst pregnant with dd - I think the trigger was his refusal to clear the shed THAT MINUTE

Meanwhile, MIL, staying with us at the time, interrupts my nutso tantrum to announce she'd like to take ds to the park as not good for him to hear his mum so 'upset'.

NOT a good memory. Fortunately MIL & I are on good terms & she's been there with dh & sibs etc etc - still not something I'm proud of.

My goodness how calm everyone is I have several incidents where I have shouted unreasonably and ds has looked at me very upset and probably scared and I do feel bad about them if I think about them too much - so I try not to think about them often - too late to change them now.

One thing that sort of comforts me though is that dh who is unendingly calm and unshouty has also upset/scared ds by saying something a bit more urgently/firmly than usual - in no way could it be construed as shouting.

When I do my normal shouty type of stuff ds takes no notice at all - so I do believe he is already learning that mummy and daddy are dfferent. I' not sure that is a bad thing necessarily - though I know I may have to live with the consequences for me in that I have much more trouble getting ds to do stuff than dh does -

Message withdrawn

Oh god I've suffered many guilty episodes but the one that still haunts me now is when my poor little DD knocked out her front tooth. It was the day before her second birthdy and I was making her a cake and some buns etc. She toddled into the dining room, went flying over the wshing basket and head first onto the cage containing our guinea pigs. I will never forget the noise she made, it ws like nothing I have ever heard since. She hit her tooth so hard that it came out intact with the root still on. I was absolutely hysterical and phoned my Mum to come down. We took her to the dentist but there was nothing he could do for her, it would have been too painful. By her bithday she had forgotten about it thank god, thats the good thing I suppose about things happening when they are too small to remember. I was plagued with guilt for years as until she got her second teeth through because I had a reminder of what had happened every time I looked at her. Fortuntely she's now 11 and has a nice full set of teeth and believe me I make sure there is nothing in our house that she can go tripping up on, I dont want to relive that experience again [blush. Of course I shout at her and lose my patience and then feel ever so guilty when I go see her in bed at night looking like an absolute angel.

emkana my dd is nearly 4. I'm not a saint for not shouting, I'm just not a shouty person, I'm pretty reserved. I do something which I think is probably as bad though, if not worse, I go into stoney silences when I'm really mad. Often I just wish I could let it out but it doesn't come.

DH likes to remind me of the time when we had just brought DD2 home from Cambodia and DD1 turned from an angelically-behaved, sleep-through-the-night angel into a tantrum-ing terrorist. After the umpteenth night of being woken by DD1 having a tantrum in the small hours, I found myself standing on the landing at 2am bellowing at the top of my voice "Just shut the f**k up!". Strangely enough, DD1 did.

As a sufferer of Pre-menstrual Dysphoric Disorder I have been known to have far too many disproportionate outbursts with my kids. DD has begun to learn that mummy has crazy moments and doesn't take it too personally anymore, thank goodness.
Both my kids have fallen off the bed at least once before their first birthday, thankfully onto thick-pile carpet, but I still berate myself for those incidents. That 'sick to the stomach' feeling watching them tumble and knowing you cna't catch them in time stays with you for ages.