Please help me claw this relationship back...

[AngelsInWinter]

I couldn't wait to have my baby boy in 2008 but things were very strained from the start. His "father" has never been interested, my parents threw me out, the birth was very traumatic, I was young and immature and struggled to bond. I've since had two DDs with my now fiancé and I love them to bits so I KNOW I don't feel enough for DS.

Now he's 5 and we really don't get on. He puts a downer on things, is only happy when he's getting something, and is over emotional and sensitive. Will say things like "I want to go to my bed and be sad" to get attention. A 5 yr old shouldn't be saying this :(

I will admit, I rarely spend time doing things with him and I don't enjoy his company. And trust me, I hate myself for this. I'm in tears now because I think it's too late. Please, can someone help me sort this with my son?

I also get a sense from your posts that apart from seeing your ex in your ds, you also judge your interactions with him, because you are judging yourself about this break in your bonding.

So when he says something not terribly important like "I want to go to bed and feel sad" you feel it has great significance, and because that feeling upsets you (naturally) you get annoyed with him for being making you feel like that.

But he isn't really- it's your past that is making you feel so hurt by it. 5 yo's do speak like that, they are still in the moment and feel things very strongly. It doesn't mean that they feel the same thing for very long and certainly not that you have to take what they say equally seriously.

Again, you seem terribly worried by the thought of him wanting to get things. Of course I don't know you, it may be that he is spoilt. But there is at least an equal chance that he is just being a normal 5yo, with the remnants of the baby instinct of survival still hanging around him, and that your worries about spoiling him are exaggerated. I would guess that you feel this anxiety- like so many other fears- because in your heart of hearts, with your knowledge of what went wrong in your childhood, you are terribly afraid of letting him down. Which is good. But try not to worry too much. A little spoiling does no harm.