About-to-be-a-Grandfather - guidance requested

[hamamatsu]

Shortly after Easter my daughter-in-law and son will be the proud parents of a baby girl. Great Happiness.

However, they live on the other side of the world and it is unlikely I shall see any of them for several months, although Skype will give me an opportunity no previous generations of my family ever had.

But how can I be a good/useful father-in-law to my wonderful d-i-l? I can cheer her on from a distance, but are there any useful websites, books, gadgets that can be recommended to a new Mum?

D-i-l isn't from this country and so she might not know of some obvious UK websites for the new Mum (and, being a man, neither do I).

Can anyone give me a shove in the right direction, please ...

Aw, you sound like such a brilliant granddad already! You have a lucky DIL :) The obvious website recommendation is Mumsnet itself! The talk forums are so helpful when you're struggling with a baby- for example last night I posted because I was worried about my baby and people replied so quickly giving me helpful reassurance and advice. If she's planning on breastfeeding then www.kellymom.com has loads of useful advice.

Everyone will have different preferences for books, but my DP and I found "Your baby and child" by Penelope Leach to be wonderfully supportive, informative and non-judgemental.

In terms of practical support, as you've said, its tricky when you're not there in person. I suppose you could order them a book on amazon and have it delivered to their address.

I have a 4 month old DS and I think the most useful thing anyone did for me in the first few weeks involved food! My lovely FIL cooked us a scrummy pork goulash and brought it round in tubs. He didn't stay, he just dropped off the food and left us to it. It was the perfect gift! I know you can't do that, but I wonder if you might be able to do an online shop for them or something? Or somehow arrange a delivery of good quality ready meals? I have no idea if that is possible from abroad but if it is, it would be awesome!

It might be lovely to send a cute little outfit that you've chosen yourself. That way, whenever the baby wears it, they'll think of you. I'm always telling my DS who bought him his outfits, and it makes us think about far away family and friends. I have to say that I've just discovered www.loveitloveitloveit.co.uk and they have the most adorable outifts!

I hope there are some useful ideas in their for you. I'm sure you'll be flooded with responses in no time. If I think of anything else, I'll post again. Enjoy being a granddad! x

Just be yourself. You sound really lovely

Being on the other side of the world might be AMAZING. you will be awake when everyone near her is asleep so you'll be there to talk to! I found I kept up contact with friends in australia in the first few months because they were the only people up when I was and it was really lonely and daunting.

congratualtions!

k

Ooh yes! You can be company at 2,3 and 4am if you have skype or google chat if she is up to that...I would write that in a congrats card...that if she ever feels lonely doing the night feeds or bored or tearful that you are only ever a screen away.

One book which I love is Anne Enright Stumbling into motherhood
www.amazon.co.uk/Making-Babies-Stumbling-into-Motherhood/dp/0099437627/ref=la_B001JRVUDE_1_3?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1389889663&sr=1-3

You can also be the go-to guy for fripperies she may struggle getting - certain meds, ointments, farleys rusks etc pending customs of course.

Congratulations!

My favourite present when dd was born was a thorntons choc hamper - loads of biscuit type things and chocolate.

All for me....

Baby presents also much appreciated but I did enjoy that hamper.

As the birth gets closer maybe send a few little things to let them know you are thinking of them - little outfit, packet of bibs etc.

What we do with American relatives is use amazon's American website - you then get free delivery etc and pay in dollars. Am guessing you could do the same with Australia to send gifts. Much cheaper and quicker than buying here and posting out.

I'm guessing dil is in the uk and you are elsewhere (japan?).

I think the best thing you can do is make sure you are there for your son, make sure he is pulling his weight / looking after the baby on his own sometimes and giving DIL some down time, etc,. The early months / associated sleep deprivation put strain on most relationships. Help your son to find some useful gadgets, websites / gain some knowledge and you will help your DIL more than any outfit etc.

For example if he can't cook, you could buy him an easy cookbook. Or I've often thought paying for a basic first aid course would be really useful.

Wow! Very many thanks to you all for the very helpful suggestions. I'm quite overwhelmed by the responses. (I've been called many things over the years, but "really lovely" is a new one).

Outfits? - Very good idea. A few months back I had decided to buy my new grand-daughter a Barbarians rugby top ... but only the other day I had a nagging thought in the back of my mind this might not be the most appropriate of gifts; some of the outfits on the loveitloveitloveit site look more in line with what my d-i-l is probably thinking. I'm now having second-thoughts on the scrum-cap and gumshield gifts, as well.

Farley's Rusks!! I haven't had one of those for nearly 60 years - delighted to hear they're still going. I'll keep a few back and see if they make a tasty snack to compliment a cold beer or glass of wine.

The Anne Enright book looks like a winner and as for the Thornton's chocolate hamper ... will I be able to resist the temptation and not tuck in myself before posting it on?

Sending my son on a basic first aid course is almost visionary - a real "Father's Revenge". I can picture him with bandages everywhere-but-where-they-should-be, sticking plasters on every fingertip and quite where the sharp end of the safety-pins will end up is anyone's guess.

The Guess-The-Location-Prize goes to legalalien - although the countries are transposed. I am in the UK and d-i-l is in Japan - after that nationalities and cultures get complicated, but I'll keep it simple and say the English language is the more dominant of the several involved.

And with that in mind, I guess thing I could do is to simply point d-i-l to Mumsnet and move quietly to the background.