Advice needed regarding my DH looking after Ds as mat leave ending in a few months.

[Bumpandkind]

Due to EBF a sensitive baby and my DH working long, unsociable hours the pair have not spent much alone time together. Now I'm thinking about my return to work and I'm concerned they will both struggle to adapt. He is a capable, adoring father but has not spent more than 2-3 hours alone with his son since birth. (Ds will not accept milk from anything but the breast, so this physically hasn't been possible).

Now Ds is weaning well and started taking small amounts of water from a sippy cup so I can see light at the end of the tunnel but I think the last 6 months have left DH ill prepared for the reality of looking after a baby for a whole day.

Can anyone relate to this or suggest anything?

First off, a lot will change in the next few months so don't worry that things will be as they are now. But I would suggest giving your DH and DS increasing amounts of time together so they can practice.

I can relate.

DS (now 3.5) was ebf and a complete bottle refuser (as is dd 8.5m). DH did v little and i was anxious leaving them as he'd barely changed a nappy. Feel similar again this time.

What I'd recommend is:
Leave them alone. Go out for the morning (do a feed then leave some expressed or formula for the cup). Then the next time go out all day (popping back for the feed only). Leave him a brief note covering his usual day if he has much of a routine.

The only way he'll learn is by doing. Remember all those baby books you read but nothing prepared you for what it's really like...

Don't correct what he does unless dangerous. It really doesn't matter if the vest is done up over the tights and the jumper is being worn as a dress. Expect him to do feeding, putting to sleep, comforting all differently to you and that's ok.

Expect the house to look like a bombs hit it the first day he has the baby solo and don't comment. It's taken you 6m to get to the confident, multitasking stage.

Basically if he loves DS it'll be enough. They'll soon learn to be a fab little team.

With a young baby 2-3 hours is plenty - being awake time between naps if you have a sleeper. So maybe work out a timetable for him to follow at first, to prevent the "oh fuck I've done feed and tummy time, what now?"

When your DS was first born you had never looked after him before. He will cope when he has to, in the same way you did.

When you started looking after him (when he was born) surely it was all new to you. Same thing. He will cope because he has no choice.

X post!

Thanks everyone, really good advice especially barberry. The bit about not criticising their methods unless dangerous really resonates with me.

after my mat leave, my dh and I both started working pt. he does 2 days with our son as do I. At first I would leave him a rough timetable of a normal day, just so that he didn't do anything that might confuse our son.
be prepared for him to find things you could do better.. I could never get our son to nap in his cot during the day time, my dh achieved this on the first day. I was a bit 'oh'.

but defo GO AWAY. PROPERLY AWAY. if you are hovering around it won't help anyone.

k

katyN, exactly the same happened to me with DP and naps

Yep, DH is the only one who can get DD to sleep reliably in the day. He also does the vest over tights thing...