Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

My Son and His 'Father'

7 replies

emlou87xo · 14/01/2014 14:58

Long story short....me and my sons father split, my decision, he didn't like it, (he had controlled me and run my into the ground) he said he would take my child, make my family hate me and leave me with no friends. He did just that. For 2 years.

That's just filling you in on why what happened next happened.

4 months ago I was stopped completely from seeing my son, he started school (he's 4) his father moved in with his girlfriend and my son stopped seeing all my family he was close with.
Because of this DS's behaviour spiralled. He was pushed out, new girlfriend and her daughter became the centre of attention, DS wasn't involved in any part of that family, making him act out, wet himself, destroy things for attention, be naughty. I recall 1 incident, DS told us he had wet himself one day and his Daddy made him sleep in the Bath. It became that serious social services, CAFCASS and the NSPCC are now involved in his life because his Dad rang them to 'sort DS out'.
Cutting this down they saw it fit DS came to me, after 2 years of hell my boy returned to me. A shadow of his former self, broken and scared.

It's been 2 months now. He is such a happy boy again, wanting for nothing, well behaved, loved. His father on the other hand hasn't made any effort, he had him one for what was suppose to be 2 hours, it turned into 10 minutes as DS was that scared he wet himself and cried until I came ro his rescue. Christmas has gone, it was magical, my family all reunited. His father asked to have him on boxing day Aslong as I took DS to him, we love over 5 miles apart. I said no, he should make the journey to see him at Christmas, so he just ignored my messages and he never saw him.
Now I am getting abuse after abuse from him, making up lies that involve my son, CAFCASS and benefits.
He has 2 other children he isn't allowed to see because again of reasons to do with social services.
I'm torn between what to so for the best. My son hadn't indicated once that he misses his Dad, instead begs me not to see him, has panic attacks over 'the brown house' (where his Dad lives) and he won't accept any contact with his father.
I have a partner who has been in DS life for 3 years so they both love each other dearly. Both of them now 2peas in a pod. So I know he has stability at home.
Do I stop all contact with his father for now? His Dad threatens me about if I stop him seeing DS but that spurs me on even more, it's one thing to talk to me the way you do, but to have done whatever he did to make his own son fear him so much.
I am scared of his Dad, he is a bully, a nasty controlling bully. But I know that's not what DS needs in his life.
What's your opinions, what would you do if you where me?

Sorry to bore your with the length of my post lol.

[Message edited by MNHQ to remove identifying features]

OP posts:
ZebraZeebra · 14/01/2014 15:52

I'm so sorry you both had to go through this. Your poor DS. If it were me, and I was legally allowed to control the access to his father, I would prevent it. Judging from your son's time with his father and how he reacts towards his father, that would be enough for me to protect my son. I would wait until your DS is older to try and re-establish a relationship, if it was an option.

I don't have any understanding or knowledge of what is legally allowed in these situations. How did your ex get main care of your DS? Can you actually stop your ex seeing your son? Do you have any point of contact with social services to advise you?

Long and short of it, I'd do anything to protect my son. If I was able to stop access, I would.

OneForEachHand · 14/01/2014 18:42

I agree with zebra. If you can prevent access, do it. It sounds like your son is petrified of him and needs to be protected.

TheGreatHunt · 14/01/2014 21:30

Yes why would you even think of letting this man bear your son? What good can come of it!

None. Protect your son. Keep his father away.

Melonbreath · 16/01/2014 08:51

Your son doesn't want to see him because he's a terrible father. I would listen to your son and cut contact

granny24 · 16/01/2014 13:07

Please please put your son first. His "father" will destroy him. Talk to social services as they can be incredibly helpful in situations like this.

Jaffakake · 16/01/2014 22:15

I'd support your sons wishes & get some legal advice. At the very least, if required to facilitate access, I'd try and set some ground rules to reduce the impact & panic attacks such as find somewhere neutral for them to meet rather than the brown house. Again, legal advice & social services support may be necessary.

FlyAwayToMalibu · 17/01/2014 00:06

emlou so sorry you and your poor ds have gone through this! How on earth did a man like this win sole custody and prevent you from seeing your ds for 4 months??

New posts on this thread. Refresh page