Stay at home Dad, routine advice.

[TheVDM]

Hello all,

I have recently become a full time stay at home dad as I am currently unable to work due to health, my partner has now gone back to work after finishing her maternity leave with our second daughter and I have now found myself a 24/7 stay at home dad.

Before my employment was cut short I did have regular days alone with our eldest daughter as my partner and I worked slightly different days, I found it relatively easy to get on with one at home but I am struggling to create a routine with the 2 of them. Our eldest is coming up to 3 and our youngest is 8 months. Our eldest also goes to nursery 2 days a week (Monday & Thursday) on these days it's just me and the youngest and I can usually manage to get quite a bit done and even have an hour to myself during nap times!

I suffer with SDD or Server Depressive Disorder so probably don't make the best stay at home dad, but I'm trying my hardest, this can get in the way of me getting out of the house with the children due to the anxiety that often goes hand in hand with it.

What suggestions do people have for getting on top of things (I'm not fussed at all about having a show home, just a little more organization)?

I am also looking into some form of evening class to a) Help me get out of the house for a couple of hours a week b) A little time away from the norm c) Help me out a bit when the time is right to go back to work again d) Interact with people outside of the family.

Can you log your activities for a week and then review this for a sense of what your 'natural' pattern is (e.g. does your DC nap in the afternoon or morning? OK to nap in the buggy? What are the flashpoints of the day?).

But yes - getting out is the key

we try and have something to go to each day, a toddler group or swimming etc. this is either morning or afternoon. the other session (afternoon or morning) we might go to the park or pop to the shops but generally get out of the house. that is how I split up the majority of the day. inbetween times we watch a bit of telly when my son wakes up as it takes me a while to come round. then breakfast, get dressed. I load the dishwasher while he plays and maybe pop a load of washing in. then out. then lunch, nap, telly (while we come round). Out, back for tea, play and then my dh comes home and takes over.

We are each at home 2 days a week so have quite a strict rule that who ever is at work takes over by 5pm and does bedtime . the other person makes dinner.

In the hour or so of making dinner the at home person might hang up the washing etc.

try to not give yourself too much to do around the house. I really don't understand how anyone cleans their house with a child. we do that on the weekend (while the other person does the food shop with our son).

hope you manage to enjoy the time with your children.
k

My DP is a SAHD and has found that getting out and about regularly is the key for him. He has a fairly set weekly routine of at least one activity per day, which enables him to get quite organised:-

Monday is swimming day and in the afternoon they take the dogs for a walk
Tuesday he goes to the gym, where they have a creche facility - is this an option where you are?
Wednesday they usually go on an outing to town followed by Rhyme Time at the local library - again, check your area.
Thursday - DD is in nursery so he gets a day off!
Friday - back at the gym in the morning and I'm home by 2pm to take DD swimming again.

He finds that because he knows what he's doing every day with her, the week flows nicely and he manages to fit things like washing, chores etc around their activities and DD's naps.

DH is a SAHD and sometimes finds the routine hard too. He could have written KatyN's post. He tries to have a set activity every day, morning or afternoon. Some are formal - eg music class - and some are informal - eg their regular date at the local soft play. If the weather is nice in the morning, he tries to work in a trip to the park or a walk to get out the house. If they have nothing on, he will invent a chore or two and go into our local town and just have a coffee and buy bread/milk/whatever.

we also put DS into nursery two afternoons a week to give DH a break. Can you consider putting the baby into nursery for a few hours or perhaps with a childminder? This is essential for us as I work long hours and only make it home for bed time twice a week so for him to do 12 hours + each day childcare, alone, is pretty hard work.

I should add that I'm home for bedtime every night and we have a wonderful cleaner who does the hard work around the house. I cannot imagine how DP could fit it in, because DD is a pretty full on kinda girl. And I confess that the last thing I want to do on the weekend, after a stressful week, is clean.

So in retrospect, my advice would be:-

1. Something to do each day
2. Get respite where you can so check out creche facilities at gyms and the like, get a cleaner if you can afford it
3. Evening class sounds like a good idea. DP is thinking of finding part-time work 'cos he'd like an adult conversation once in a while!