How well would you need to know the other parent before you allowed your DC to go to a sleepover?

[LynetteScavo]

8yo DD has been to a few sleepover parties before - I've known the parents well enough to chat to if I meet them at a school fete or similar. I've dropped DD off at their houses for afternoon tea type parties, and had no worries about DD going to a sleepover at their house (worried more about the parents surviving the ordeal to be honest! ). A sleepover seemed like a natural progression as they got older.

Now DD has been invited to a sleepover party, along with a few other girls. She is desperate to go. The thing is I don't really know the mum, have never chatted to her at school (DD is in before and after school club, so I don't see other parents that much, but there are quite a few parents I'm on polite chatting terms with if I do bump into them). I also don't really know the other girls or their parents who've been invited.

For no obvious reason I'm really uncomfortable about letting DD go on this sleepover. DH doesn't see the issue.

I have this very issue with DS at the moment.... He came home today and told me he was invited to a sleepover, and tonight the Mum has text me asking me to call her. He is 7, I don't know the Mum apart from to nod at in the playground, and DH has already said (to me) that he wouldn't feel comfortable with him going.....

You could always phone the Mum in question and ask her what the plans are for the girls. Maybe mention your daughter's dippiness round roads and find out if any films are going to be watched.

If I was hosting a sleepover, I wouldn't mind a parent having a few questions.

Put your mind at rest regarding the above and then you can let your daughter go and not spend the night parked outside the house in your car!

Just to up-date. DD didn't go on the sleepover. DD to a present in to school for her on Monday morning.

She longer wants to be "in" with the sleepover girl and her friends. She admits she isn't really friends with them, and doesn't want to be. Apparently one of the girls who was invited decided to kick the other girls really hard...all of them repeatedly. The birthday girls mum got really cross and shouted a lot. DD has thanked me for not letting her go.

I muttered something about Mummy knowing best even though I know very little, except to go with my gut feeling.

If I didn't know tge parents or any of the other kids parents, it'd be a no from me.

Sorry, late to the party and didn't rtt.

Aww good call this time

One thing confused me though... Your main problem seemed to be that you didn't know the mum but then you said you'd have nothing to gain from having a coffee with her. If knowing parents of friends is going to be a big deal, dont you think maybe you should try a bit harder to get to know them? Sorry if that sounds a bit personal!

Very about the couple of posters stating they'd be worried about Dads/older brothers. Sexual abuse can also be perpetrated by women and regardless of gender is much more likely to come from a member of the family /someone you know and trust. It is a sad state of affairs if all men are suspect.

Yep, I find it very sad to think that, when we have sleepovers in the future, dh will automatically be suspect! Will all men have to leave the house and kids only have contact with women?

Maybe don't have sleepovers at all for very real fears of being wrongly accused because of an over suspicious mom and probing/leading questions afterwards.

Just want to point out i had two 'incidents' at the age of 10 and again at 14 with a friends adult brother we had known for years. You cannot determine what sort of people do abuse. Im generally a very open minded person- liberal infact! However , because of my own experience I will nevet let my dd sleep over at anyones house - no matter how long I have known them. She is only 10months- but I honestly dont think I would let her stay at extended families either ( apart from my own parents)

I know this could be deemed as selifish, but I would rather her be angry at me than abused. I know i sound way ott- but that the way it will always be. Kids can stay at mines instead!