You know those women on the news with a baby and a toddler who kill themselves and their kids?

[louloutheshamed]

Well I get it.

I feel like I am losing it. I have ds1 almost 3 and ds2 4m, who woke every 2 hours last night.

Have just tried to make lunch for ds1 and 1 whilst shushing/ feeding ds2. Ds1 puts a whole slice of ham in his mouth at once, chews it up, gags and spits it out all over the rest of his dinner on his plate. This sends me into meltdown, I shout and now we are all crying. I go into the living room to try and calm down ds2 only to find ds1 must have, while I was preparing lunch, emptied all his toy boxes all over the floor. I have another meltdown.

And the worst part is, I only have to do this two days a week as ds1 goes to nursery 2 days and my mum comes and helps me the other day.

Im so ashamed.

We are fed this image of a mother as a lady who has it all sorted, dinner on the table, contented kids blah blah.

Truth is, parenting is fucking hard work. In the first few years its hard in the physical sense, cleaning and washing and running around after them. Its an endless, thankless slog.

My kids are well presented to the outside world. Behind closed doors, they stay in their PJs til lunch, sometimes all day. They eat their meals on the sofa because its just easier, they watch too much TV because there's only so much "playing" I can take. My house is coming down with piles of clean washing that never makes it to its home. I have clutter all contained in one room, but its there giving me nightmares every day.

Please don't feel ashamed about feeling this way, you don't have to keep it to yourself. Be kind to yourself, tomorrow is a new day!

OP I feel your pain. Im a SAHM and Have a 3yo DS and 11mo DD and I feel like I'm about to loose it most days. I've never been more exhausted, more lonely or under more pressure. I feel like I'm close to breaking point. Fortunately DS is about to start preschool tomorrow and I'm seriously considering a part time nanny or nursery for DD currently.

Family never help. Never see DH in week as he works such long hours. I love my children and would never consider things u mentioned in the title but I do feel I'm ageing 10x speed of normal people!

There is light at the end of the tunnel (apparently!) so hang on in there!

I came on her to type pretty much what you have written OP. I have a 2 year old and a 7 week old.

The 2 year old was at full time nursery until I was off on ML, whilst I am off she is doing 2 days a week and today she has driven me CRAZY.

I really am not a very patient person at all and find my full time work of 12-13 hour days 5 days a week easier ! :(

She wouldn't put her clothes on this morning, then she screamed her head off in the car and took herself out of the shoulder straps of the car seat. She keeps saying "no" today and won't come in to the other room etc with me if I need to do something (I don't leave her in the room with the baby).

Have just had chance to type this as suddenly they are both asleep (she never naps in the day now so I have probably traumatised her today). I feel awful for shouting back at her and don't want her to end up living in a shouty household and then I just end up feeling very guilty as she is gorgeous and I do love her to bits. Lots of tears from me and her today.

Sorry no help at all from me, expect to say you are not alone.

Hope you are having a better day Cheshire.

I think getting out is the answer as I have been much better today as we have been out and about. Ds1 is a bolter and a nightmare in shops but even today going to get him new shoes gave us a focus for the day.

It's hard though...

How did it go?

Agree that getting out is crucial, however little you feel like it when you're in pyjamas that smell of sick and with greasy hair.

I think for some of us, relinquishing control over stuff is very difficult. For me it was (and still is) things being tidy and personal space/time on my own. Then the drudgery of cleaning up constantly doesn't help.

I am 5 years down the line from having 2 DC and am a little better

I only have one and she's nearly 10 now. Pregnant with second. But I found the baby days SO hard. Sleep deprivation is basically torture, so don't feel guilty about finding it hard. I phoned the samaritans on at least one occasion because I felt like a really terrible person and sitting in a messy house feeling unable to cope, even if it's only for afternoon, would drive anyone round the twist. Hardest job in the world as far as I'm concerned!