Does your dh/dp 'interrupt' your parenting?

[cakesonatrain]

I'll explain with an example.
DS (2.5) was playing with his baby sister's stacking cups. I was sitting on the floor with him, DH on the sofa on the laptop. Ds tipped up the cups so they went all over the floor. I said, in a normal voice, "DS can you pick those up please?". DH immediately came in with (stern voice) "DS, pick the cups up"

Similarly, at bathtime, DS was playing with some bathtoys in a way that meant they kept falling off the edge of the bath onto the floor.
Me (who had been present throughout): "DS, stop it please"
DH (who had just walked in): "DS, if you do that again you're getting out of the bath"

I find this really irritating. It feels like DH doesn't trust me to deal with a situation by myself which is ridiculous as I'm at home all day with the dc on maternity leave.
Or does he think he's 'backing me up'?

If roles are reversed, I never wade in when DH is the one doing the telling. I back him up by continuing to reprimand the same behaviour, iyswim, but I don't give an additional "no" for each instance.

How does it work in your house?

I would say he's trying to back you up tbh. If you're not happy with how he's "helping" you, tell him. Perhaps he feels he should be the bad cop in order to let you be good cop. Explain its not necessary and what you would rather happen.

I told dh not to do that to me because he always did. His voice is louder and deeper than mine so I found I was competing with him just to be heard when it was me speaking in the first place. I asked him not to jump in unless I was actually struggling; to let me get on with it instead. Sometimes I say, "Dh, I've started so I'll finish thanks," and carry on what I was talking to the dc about.

Dh has said that I also do it to him without realising. Now we have agreed to let the other start what they have finished and to offer back up only if required. Sometimes we slip but apologise and back off when we catch ourselves.

It is like they see it as though they're backing us up when they talk over us but I see it as dh taking my authority away; as if my words aren't powerful enough.

I have a son of similar age and sometimes we do back each other up as DS is already trying the old 'Daddy said no so now I'll ask Mummy' tactic. It honestly sounds as though he is trying to be supportive. Things like this can be very hardwired from one's own childhood, I reckon.

Do you otherwise have a 50 50 role as parents? I can imagine that would make a difference.

I'd just gently suggest that he only does it if you give a cue that you'd like the back-up.

That would really annoy me to be honest. We never speak over each other like that. If one of us is dealing with ds then the other will leave them to it. Otherwise I think you are just undermining each other really.

I'd just tell him straight - thanks dh but I've just said that. I'd be quite a upfront about it.

DH did this (still does sometimes), very much a case of backing you up in my experience. DH discussed it and he is much, much better now, I will sometimes indicate I need some backup from DH especially when both DS and DD are kicking off at the same time

Thanks for the replies. Glad it's not just me that finds this annoying.

"I see it as dh taking my authority away; as if my words aren't powerful enough"
Explains exactly how I feel.

Interesting that it sounds to you like he's trying to back me up. I hadn't really considered that until I wrote the op.

Not exactly 50:50 roles as parents, no! I'm at home all day, DH works late (made it home for bedtime twice this week) so I'm definitely the 'major parent'. DH has only twice had the two dc on his own for more than an hour.

My kids do this and it annoys me. I tell them that I don't need an echo

DH does this. I'm sure it's just because he wants to be supportive. I don't actually mind for my own sake, but I do for DS - if he's been told off by me, I don't think he then needs another adult wading in and getting on his case, it's too much for a 2yo when all he's done is eg bang his fork on his dinner bowl once too often!

If DH overhears me reprimanding DS then comes in wanting to know "what did he do?", I've taken to saying "Nothing, it's ok, it's sorted now" rather than rehashing the whole incident for him. It just seems entirely unnecessary.

Just thinking.

DH sometimes tells DS off even if he hasn't seen what's happened, but is in earshot and has assumed.
Like when DS was being a bit lively (as toddlers are) and then DD started howling because she had fallen over, DH told DS off. I snapped back that time "It was nothing to do with him!" and his response was "well he should calm down anyway".
Grrr

I think I do this to dp a lot.

I don't mean to but her level of understanding and her way of communicating is changing so rapidly and he doesn't see her very often so I have my own ways with her. So tidy up time for example I say right tidy up time and sing tidy up tidy up as I'm doing it (because I may have lost my mind a bit) anyway he told her tonight to put things Away. Different language to her really.

Anyhow I try not to and I don't mean to do it but I am trying to be helpful but he didn't see it that way. So maybe remind him?

I do this sometimes with DP.

It's good to read the other side of it & see how I can begin to change my behaviour as I'm sure it's really annoying not very nice for DP!

DS1 does it to me, too, when I'm reprimanding the dog and I don't like it either.

Becoming mpre

Becoming more self-aware!
I did it this morning
I'm so used to being the one doing the telling that I spoke over DH when he was telling DS not to do something.

I wish my DH would back me up.