Dd with new sibling waking at night and coming into bed

[DIYandEatCake]

Dd is 2.10, and for the last year has been a great sleeper, sleeping through in her own bed. 4 weeks ago her little brother was born, she's been very gentle and loving with him but quite sad and prone to bursting into tears over random things. She's also started waking at 2 or 3am and coming into my bed (I've moved into the spare room with ds temporarily as he's awake every couple of hours and dp needs to be able to function at work). This is abit of a problem as ds's frequent waking and crying means she can't settle and isn't sleeping enough, and her coming in and wriggling about in bed (and crying and needing comforting means I'm losing even more precious sleep. I don't want to be too tough on her as her little world's been turned upside down (she also has 2 molars coming through which can't help) but at the same time I don't want this to carry on too long. Any wisdom on whether this might be a passing phase, or suggestions on how to (very gently) get her back in her own bed all night? If it's relevant we sort of do the attachment parenting thing and me and dd used to cosleep. We've been giving her loads of positive attention since ds was born, can't think of much more we can do in the day to reassure her...

I have no suggestions but we have a 5 week old DD2 and DD1 (3yrs) is also waking at night and coming into our bed. Previously she was an excellent sleeper.

I suppose this may be a bit different for us as we have never co-slept and DD1 has been in her own room since 6 months but i would imagine that the motivation is the same. I think they just want reassurance and it may be a long process to reassure them fully. I am trying to may sure that DD1 has as much positive attention as possible, plenty of fresh air and exercise and enough good food. Check that you Dd is warm enough and that the room not too light or too dark and then wait for the phase to pass.

We are putting DD1 back in her own bed when she wakes but I'm not it matters what you do as long as you are consistent.

I know your dh needs sleep but I think he needs to help under these circumstances. He should take her and cuddle her etc and try to settle her back into her bed.
My ds was 17 months when his brother arrived and was definitely put out that ds2 would often be in bed with us. Cue dp taking him back to his bed and sleeping with him until he settled.
It will just be a phase, get your husband to help.

Our 2 year old did the same when her brother arrived. 2-3am she'd appear at the bedroom door or sometimes I'd even wake up and she was asleep in between us and we were that tired we didn't notice her get in! Previously she'd been a great sleeper. We tolerated it for a couple of weeks because it was easy and meant we got some sleep. Knowing it's not what we wanted long term, one evening we just put her back in her room when she appeared at the door. She did cry a little when we first took her back, then came back to our room again - but we just kept putting her back. At first I explained, 'it's still bed time, you sleep in your own room, see you in the morning' but after a couple of times taking her back, we said nothing but put her back into her bed. It did take about 2 hours of her coming in and us putting her back before she went to sleep and stayed there but the next night she slept through again.
My DH did have to help and whenever I was feeding DS he'd have to do the taking her back to her room.
This might not fit in with attachment parenting but I think if something isn't working for you, you need to do something about it.
Hope you get some decent sleep soon

Yes, my DH always got in with DS1 who was the same age-ish when DS2 was born. He cuddled him lots, explained that the new baby needed his mum to give him milk in the night and said we would go to cuddle mum in the morning. That helped.

Unless your DH does a job that means he is a danger when tired, I think this is one of those times when both parents need to pitch in and get through this time.

(DSes now 3 and 9mo. Both DH and I work full time and both get up in the night - I'm still breastfeeding DS2 in the night and DH goes into DS1, so both of us work and still get up at night. So alas nobody in our house ever gets a night's sleep on account of having a busy job but we haven't killed each other yet!)

Thanks. I've talked to dd about it this morning - I asked why she was coming in and she just said 'I needed a cuddle mummy'. I've suggested that tonight she can come toe for a cuddle and then go back to sleep in her own bed where it's quieter... She didn't look too sure but we'll see! I do really want to be gentle on her, she's being so good in the day and probably bottling up a lot (she often refuses to say what the matter is when she's upset, cuddles are the way she feels better, we're working on the talking about it..!)
It's reassuring that others do this too. Dp would try to help if I asked him to, and I may have to, but all she wants in the night is me. She comes in and wraps herself right round me and sometimes sobs into my neck... It's heartbreaking!

DIY, my DS1 wants me in the night too. So DH and I just try different systems to get past that in a positive way.

So I will come and hug DS1 and say "mummy's here, now daddy is going to cuddle you back to sleep, ok?"

Or DH will say "alright you want mummy, let's lie down and have a hug and then we will go and get mummy"

...and so on.

I don't think there is a perfect answer for this situation. But my DH took the view that seeing as I needed to sleep with the baby, we should work together and find ways to deal with it kindly that didn't involve me being the only adult on duty day and night. We were never harsh or let him cry but it did sometimes take a bit of work to find new ways to reassure him.

Hope she settles soon.

My DS1 did exactly the same when DS2 was born. I compromised by allowing him briefly into bed and giving him a cuddle (fighting desperately to stay awake!) for the few weeks but then returning him to bed, then when it was beginning to tail off we would go straight back to his room and have a cuddle there, then straight back to bed and just pats - it took a couple of months before his sleep returned to anything like normal.

Weirdly DS2 bawling his head off never seemed to wake DS1 even once they were in the same room. I think it was a genuine need for reassurance - catching up on some of the 1-1 time he was missing with the arrival of a tiny new brother.