Routine that works for a 5-year-old and a newborn - please help - desperate!

[RebeccaJames]

Hi there all. I'm trying to find a way forward for my month-old DS2 who is not sleeping more than 1 hour at a time still.

In desperation I turned to my old Gina Ford book to try and thrash out a basic routine, but of course with my DS2 (5) I can't stick to the times given. Does anyone out there have a rough routine of feeding/sleeping times for a month-old (or thereabouts) that works with the older child?

I am just so tired that I can't see the wood for the trees and need to have something rough to aim at. We're still in freefall and DS2 should be sleeping a little better by now. I need to have a pattern to aim at, so if you have something that is working for you, please, please share!

He lost 14% due to jaundice in the first 2weeks but now is still only 4lb above birth weight (9lb at birth). The weigh-in clinic weren't happy but waiting to see how it goes. Just about half an ounce a day, they said. They were VERY anxious to establish that I was coming back next week (which I am).

Oh and have tried the orthodontic dummy, over a period of 3 days, but having spoken to the lovely lady I burst into tears in front of this morning, perhaps I need to try for longer and also try a cherry teat one.

4lb over birthweight seems like a massive gain - or do you mean 4oz?

Maybe he is feeding lots as he needs to catch up after the rocky start. Are you switch feeding and doing breast compressions to up his intake? Which organisation was the bf counsellor from - I'd get a second opinion on the tongue tie I think.

He sounds like my dc3 (now 6 months) who was diagnosed with silent reflux at 7 weeks old - starting him on meds made a huge difference as he'd sleep for proper 3 hour plus stints at night rather than comfort feeding (to keep the acid down all night). Definitely sling him as much as possible and check for reflux.

I think you have maybe forgot what new babies are like at 6 weeks (my youngest is 7 months and my eldest is 4 and I know I was rediscovering all the stuff I'd forgotten even though it hasnt' been that long between them). However, sleep deprivation is hell and it's no wonder its making you feel all crap and emotional at times.

Neither DS1 nor DS2 could relatch by themselves at 6 weeks, both of them were closer to 3 months before that happened. The 4 hour between feeds things isn't based on anything in nature really and I'm not sure you'd find too many women with a 6 week old that does that.

At 6 weeks old, DS2 would be awake most of the evening until about 11:30pm (we could not get him down any earlier at that age) and then would wake 3-4 times between then and 7am. At 9 weeks he suddenly started putting in longer stretches at night (nothing we did) although he still wouldnt' go down at 7pm until he was about 5 months.

You might want to get a second opinion about your baby in terms of latch and tongue tie, experts do differ and no harm in getting someone else to look at him just to double check. You mention his poor weight gain, is he still gaining weight though or losing? Some babies just gain wait quicker than others (and health visitors make you feel like crap because of it).

Really hoping you get a better night tonight and remember it will pass, I can't believe my baby is now 7 months old the time has just flown by - I know it's maybe hard just now, but try and enjoy this time as much as you can - it really doesn't last for long.

i had a dummy for ds2. i also gave him a muslin that i stuffed down my top in his cot. he still has it now instead of dummy at 8m.

he used to feed and feed for hours, dh gave him a bottle of formula for the 7pm feed, so i could sleep until the next feed.

we kept this up but I swapped to expressing...everything changed at 3months...it was so difficult for those three months...it will get better i promise!

Hello Rebecca. I have a similar gap to you. DD1 is nearly 6 and DD2 is 5 months.

Definitely worth getting a second opinion from a BF support person. But also, at 6 weeks this does sound very normal.

The way I managed in the early days was to feed DD2 as DD1 got organised for school, this entailed getting out of bed pulling on clothes, brushing teeth and issuing orders from the sofa! Put DD2 in a sling for the school run.

Come home, turn on telly, ensure remote, cakes, flask of tea to hand, along with mobile. Park bum on sofa and feed DD2 until she crashed out. Put DD2 into Moses basket. Replenish flask, attempt to put washing on, clear breakfast dishes, snooze, etc. Continue on this loop until it was time to do school run again.

Having big sister about it entertain DD2 after school allowed dinner to be assembled.

Get DH to sort dinner when home or cuddle DD2 so I could do a few things, like homework and wrestle uniform off DD1.

DD2 then would sleep/feed through dinner.

Once DD1 in bed early evening, bath DD and feed until conks out. Keep in Moses basket before taking up to cot when I went to bed.

It gets easier as space between feeds increases - unless on a bloody growth spurt - and eventually they sleep a bit more in the night - until bastard 4 month sleep regression hits and stays around.

Lower your expectations and if you can, go with the flow for a bit, and you may find you fall into a routine as your LO gets older.

Hello all and thanks for your contributions. Lots to consider.

Update: things are a little better. He seems to love the Poddle Pod, to the point where I put him down in it today mid-feed to answer the phone, and he fell asleep after five minutes. Unheard of! And he stayed asleep for an hour! We also wondered if he maybe had silent reflux so we tried the stay-down anti-reflux formula (again, topping up after bf) and he even did two 2-hour blocks of sleep in the night. Also unheard-of. We don't know which is causing the improvement yet but we 'll soon know as I'm stopping the formula tonight to find out.

He is also ok with being put down for short spells, so I am not going quite so stir-crazy.

Fingers crossed we stay on a roughly upward spiral! Thanks so much for support. Cannot believe how much it helps in the really tough times.