Are you softer on your kids when they are ill?

[Ponka]

DS has the chicken pox, poor fellow. He is usually a very good boy but when he is under the weather he turns into a hitting, spitting, throwing, screaming monster for some of the time.

I'm trying to be more understanding, distract and cuddle even more and let him get away with more than I would usually but I want him to understand that these things aren't acceptable, no matter how bad you're feeling so I have been ignoring and using the naughty spot, too.

I've also given him a few more nice treats than I usually would, food- wise.

Are you softer on your kids when they are ill? Do you think you should be?

Yes and yes.

naturally and of course...

Yes and Yes.

Err yes, isn't everyone?

Oh yes ponka I think you have to be. Sorry that DS is struggling with it - probably even worse due to the heat. I think he probably needs lots of cuddles and treats. Hard when you've got DS2 as well, of course.

I aleways find this hard in relation to sleep. Ds always sleeps badly when he is ill. But if I am softer on him it takes about 2 weeks to get him back into his sleeping pattern. But if I am not I feel bad cos I know he is ill and needs comforting. Same with behaviour and eating too (he has problems with eating so it really mucks up any progress made).

Basically I don't know the answer - just I find it a real problem too getting the balance.

Yeah, cheers everyone. So far so good with sleeping here. He's not waking up in the night.

I guess it is common sense and natural to let things slide a bit, as I have been, I'm just going through a whole crisis of confidence in my parental abilities at the moment about discipline in general. One minute I think I'm too soft, the next, too harsh. I'm not sure why. I don't really know many parents of kids my age in RL because I was the first of my friends to have kids. I need to think less! It's just it's the most responsible, important thing I've ever done and probably ever will do and I'm so desperate to do it well

I am ....too soft sometimes, but isn't that the good side of being ill??? to be spoiled by mummy and daddy and get more hugs and everything else.

Don't let them get away with really naughty behaviour tho....but just be more understanding of why and be less shouty (I do that at least, but then I have five so have to beware the others picking up on the softer side of mummy).

the other 'good side' of being ill is being able to eat what you fancy just cos it is anything eaten rather than worrying about the 'five a day' rule (IYGWIM?)

I try to be!

Yes, I remember that from being a kid. DS is just a little' un, too. Just over 2. He'll not properly understand what's going on.

5! My god. I can't imagine that!

I used to say that to a friend with 6!!!

I did do it one at a time tho....tis so much easier to get used to slowly.

My god, I'm on the edge of loosing it here, I keep nearly sobbing in front of him.

We had about 2 hours sleep last night in total. Fine - I'm kind of used to that having just had a baby. The whole day has just been him crying, spitting, hitting, throwing, screaming and saying no to whatever I say. I don't think we've had more than about half an hour in total without this. He's had no food and hardly any drink. The house is a bomb site because he's just throwing everything in sight in a mass rage (O.K. I can cope with that but he's going to hit DS2 with something, soon). I'm not used to this. He's so good. Poor DS2 has only been acknowledged briefly about twice apart from the necessaries since breakfast because DS1 kicks off even more about that. Poor little boy, I want to give him cuddles and treats and look after him but he just won't let me. I'm at my whits end. Any suggestions? Distraction doesn't work. Treats don't work. Cuddles don't work. Ignoring doesn't work. I've ended up doing naughty spot a fair few times today, even though I am trying not to go down that route. I can't take the screaming any more and I'm drastically loosing faith in my ability. It's constant and unrelentless for us all.

I am softer on them when they are ill - when I'm ill I expect (and deserve) to be treated nicer and why should it be any different for children?

Ponka I think it's natural to want to comfort your child when they are sick, but sounds like your child isn't the kind of sick child who lacks energy and lies on the sofa wanting to sleep and loves the extra attention!! Does sound like you are having a tough time, sorry to hear that!
I am definitely softer on my kids when poorly, but luckily, it's not often .. dd1(7) has been sick/ill maybe 3 times and dd2(2.5) just once in total
Dd1 is just like me and finds it repulsive to be sick.
When she had the chicken pox she was good as gold .. a girl who likes to be pretty, she wouldn't scratch or anything!

Try to stay calm...count to ten and take deeeep breaths. And remember all this activity must tire him out at some point.
If possible put him in the buggy (he is 2,I think you said) and go for a walk. Fresh air and a change of scene can work wonders.
And most of all remember it will pass.

Yeah buggy. Definately. We've been waiting in for the NTL man this morning but I'll see if I can go out later or tomorrow for a walk. I've actually managed to settle him down to sleep now and eagerly ran downstairs to give DS2 (3 1/2 months) some of the loving attention he's been missing only to find him fast asleep! I guess it's worn him out, too. So I've just had a good cry to let it all out on my own and I might even try to have a snooze to catch up on the lost sleep. Hopefully then I'll be stronger for when he gets up. Thinking about having a small glass of wine, too. Is that bad?!

Wine is good .

Yes I'm softer but I don't put up with too much whinging and whining and silliness either tbh.

I would leave the wine until later. Right now....Get your head down and get some kip while you can