Shouting

[Sleepingugliness]

Do you do it? I do and then hate myself. I never used to EVER and I just never saw myself being that person but since we hit the terrible 3s all that has changed. I have dt (3) and ds (4). I never shout at ds1 actually but the twins will never do as they are told, unless shouted at! And with the constant constant whinging and fighting and all the rest sometimes I just can't hold it in anymore. I suppose i should get the star chart going again. They've never taken any notice of it though in the past. I just hate who I have become when I shout and i torment myself with what they will remember. It kills me because i try so hard to do everything right but then everything i've accomplished with and for the children feels so tarnished by this shouting. Will he children they forget/discount all the good stuff and remember the shouting? If you do/dont shout id love to know how many kids you have and old they are... Having three so close together does seem to push me over the edge. I'm just wondering if others are the same or if there are non-shouty mums out there with as many as close together i should be aspiring to emulate..

Thanks for that QTPie. Not got enough sleep this week and trying to find some me time but its hard... That was why I shouted last night. Trying to get them to stay in bed so i can do some pilates! Partner works away all week so the evenings are all me apart from some wednesdays when my parents have them all for the night. Hence why I am on mumsnet now.

Hey sleeping my resolution for the year is to try really hard not to shout. I have 3 under 3, twin DDs 2.6 and gorgeous DS 14weeks. The twins drive me mad as they constantly wind each other up and shout at me and each other.
I try to only use shouting for urgent things - you will hurt yourself - but some days are crap and I hate myself by bedtime when everyone's shouting and DS is crying.
I try deep breaths when I feel I can't hear myself think or walk into another room for 10 seconds.
I know it's worse when we've been indoors all day - roll on Spring.
Sorry, no words of advice there really but lots of empathy!

Thanks twinsplus. QTPie, i do all the usual routine stuff, bath, stories all together followed by some special time for each of the twins, songs, chat and goodnights. i pretty much expect the twins to stay in their room after that while i read to ds. He has his own more age-appropriate story then. It really makes me cross when they crash about/break things/pinch each other/come in and out because it ds' time with me, which he doesnt get a lot of. And they know this. I suppose i should try positive rewards and things but they are at an age now where i know they understand and they should be able to stay in their beds because thats what they should do and thats it. It probably has not helped me or them that ds was never like this and it just baffles me. I remember how he behaved at the same age and i dont think he got out of his bed once! They on the other hand literally leap outt he second i leave the room, attack each other and destroy things!

Hi Sleeping,
I'm afraid I am a shouter too and I NEVER raised my voice before I had children. I am single mother with 3 children - aged 3, 5 and 7 and I literally feel as though I cannot leave them alone for 2 minutes without them bouncing off the walls and somebody hurting/annoying someone else. On top of that, they are all coming into my bed at different stages during the night so with broken sleep it is alot worse. I do wonder if I have unrealistic expectations - I mean should they be able to sit for 5 mins on the couch together and watch something without the 3 and 5 year olds getting up and all running and jumping on top of each other, or should they be able to play a game/jigsaw without fighting over it? The problem is I always have housework to do (not that I do it!)/dinner to make etc. so cannot chaperone all the time, which is where I feel sad then that it is just me, as if 2 parents then one could be having a nice time with them whilst the other was getting jobs done.
My new year resolution is definitely less shouting and to help me achieve that I intend to be in bed by 10pm every night. It's just that my only down time is after 9 when they are all asleep and I have barely done even a drop in the ocean of the housework to be done ...
I am also now making a point of going over and kissing and hugging them and saying 'this is just you know how much I love you, just in case I am tired later' - just to build up a deposit in the love bank for later! Also, when I hear someone screaming that they have been hurt or hurt themselves, and even though in my head I am exhausted and my first thought is OFFS, I just give them a big silent hug first (as I know if I speak it will be - well you shouldn't have been doing that etc.) and then by the end of the hug we both feel better and I am able to gently enquire about what happened. Good luck, I know how hard it is! They are just little children and I don't want them to just remember a shouty, tired mummy :-(

Hi leepytime, i could have written your post word for word. Thank-you! OFFS is my exact response (in my head) when they start bellowing for the millionth time. I will definitely be trying the silent hug, as my first response it also usually ' well, i did tell not to bungee jump down the stairs' or whatever. Like you, i have to do a lot of cooking and housework with them around, leaving them in sight but not under my direct influence. And like you, it makes me sad. I'll also try the love bank thing. Such a good idea. I always explain, talk though, reassure and apologise almost instantly after i've shouted, but giving them a bit of love and almost a heads up for later is genius!

Thanks Sleeping! It was when the OFFS wasn't staying INSIDE my head anymore that I knew I had to take some action! ;-) And the wee hugs all round make everybody calmer so hopefully less madness down the line. Good luck! I can't take all the credit, I think the love bank might have come from that great book 'How to talk so your kids will listen, and listen so your kids will talk' - it's really good. Good luck, I'm away to give them a wee kiss now (I'm sure the love bank works even if they are asleep, even if only for myself) and then going to bed to ready myself for Round 2 tomorrow ... Ding Ding! ;-)

I didn't shout much at all with DS1, then when DD came along that's when I learned im actually prone to a bit of shouty mummyness. When DS2 came along I started shouting constantly and haven't stopped!

It's 3 kids. It's too much. Nice. But too much

Hi there, I totally empathise and am exactly the same as you in that respect - I try hard to be a good mum and then frequently feel I've ruined it all by losing my rag and getting impatient or shouting. I too worry about what they will remember. I constantly endeavour NOT to shout, but that easily goes out the window when I've had enough. My dc's are 5yo (ds1) and 14mo (dd2). I find between 4-6pm the hardest time, as dd2 is tired and glues herself to my leg and then screams when I prise her off to try to make their suppers. And ds1 is constantly wanting me to put on voices to play with his toy cars or angry birds, which is sweet but frustrating when I am trying to make food and dd2 is howling. I am wondering if a star chart would be appropriate... for myself!!! Or some sort of equivalent... I get to buy an item of clothing if I don't shout?! I can't see dh going for that.