I have one month to settle DS at nursery - WWYD?

[ClownLoach]

I'd really appreciate any thoughts.

I'm going back to work 3 days a week next month, and DS will be at nursery 8.30am-5.30pm. We decided to start DS (now 10.5 months) at nursery early to hopefully give him a bit of time to settle in. It's a lovely place which friends recommended and his key person (who will be there every day) is brilliant, but I'm still really anxious about how he will cope (ebf bottle refuser, fussy eater, never left with anyone before!)

He's had an hour there with me, and then an hour on his own the next day, and was pretty much fine both times. But I'm stuck what to do from now - should I gradually increase the time I leave him (by how much?), or will he settle in faster if he gets thrown in at the deep end and spends most of the day there? Or something in between?

I would increase the time but quite quickly so do say 3 hours in the morning one day then keep him home the next day. Day after drop him at normal time in the morning then pick him up after lunchtime, day at home then full day.

That way he has time to get used to it as do you. Ask the nursery what their views are too in case they have other suggestions.

Usually the nursery have their own method for settling in and will go by a schedule making adjustments where necessary depending on how the child responds. At our nursery we did 1 hour together, 1 hour DS alone, 1 x 3 hour session DS alone then finally a full 5 hour session.

I felt very apprehensive, same as you but he really, really surprised me & settled perfectly with no issues. He napped for 2+ hours at home in his cot, complete peace, blackout blind etc.i said there is no way he'll sleep on a mat in a room full of children but he did! He also eats new things there, is very happy and never cries. A lot of my friends had the same experience so I think kids are generally very adaptable if they're in a warm and loving setting.

Good luck!

Again, I would ask the nursery for their view as they will have most experience.

Personally I found for my children (both EBF, bottle refusers, started full time at 9mo and 6mo respectively) that little and often was the best technique. Often was the most important part, so they got used to it. I built up from short visits to longer ones over about three weeks each time.

At home, my DS2 (now 9mo) likes to breastfeed like a newborn, is rarely out of my arms and can hardly be arsed eating for me - he would rather hold out for a breastfeed. He is also a bit crap at napping.

At nursery, he quickly and happily falls into the routine there, eating and drinking all sorts. He still isn't really into bottles but can easily last with solids while I'm at work.

So don't worry - babies are adaptable. DS2 did try to breastfeed off everybody when he first started nursery () but he quickly got the message.

The nursery staff said they find it harder to comfort babies who are mainly breastfed because they don't have the equipment, but they have found their own rhythm and techniques with both kids.

And I think in the bigger picture, me feeding both children at night/morning actually helped DS1 and DS2 settle at nursery long term as they didn't lose that link with me and hopefully that helped them feel more secure. So even the clingy breastfed babies I make have settled at nursery.

Hope it all goes well. I know what a stressful and emotional time it is. (For you!)

Thank you so much Casmama, debbiedowner and RubyRoo, that's really helpful

The nursery manager advised bringing him in for the planned 3 days a week but for shorter days - she didn't specify how short but I'll ask tomorrow and see what is suggested. I think the increasing-length-but-quite-quickly approach definitely sounds sensible.

Thank you for reassuring words debbiedowner - everyone we know who has children in nursery has reassured us that they really love it (actually the children who are old enough to talk have reassured us of it themselves ) When I got back after leaving him for an hour he was happily playing with his key person and another little girl, he was in no particular rush to come home with me...

RubyRoo your post has cheered me up a lot. DS was also fond of attempting to breastfeed off sources as diverse as MIL and the cat when he was younger He has finally settled down into more of a routine so hopefully he will manage the day without missing it.