Worried about comments damaging dds' self esteem

[Tillylils]

Dd is 7 and spends every other weekend with her dad. They spend a fair amount of time with his dad and step mum.
Sm has always been quite rude, says whatever she thinks without regard for anyone's feelings.
When dd was getting changed for bed tonight she made comments that she was far and that she had a fat belly. Btw, she does not, she is small for her age and very petite. I asked her why she was saying this and she said grandma had tapped her belly and said, "what's this? A fat belly? I don't want a fat granddaughter, I want a skinny granddaughter."
I have spoken to dds dad and he said he will have a word with her. But I know this woman, she will behave herself for a while and will probably say something similar again.
I could ask dds dad to stop contact with her but I'm pretty sure he wouldn't. So how can I help dd ignore these comments? I have and do regularly tell her how beautiful and perfect she is but I'm aware that young girls worry enough about these things without comments like this.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Tell her yourself point blank that she needs to think about what she says, otherwise contact will stop. End of.

That's what I'd like to do but I'm not sure that I can enforce it. I believe dds dad is free to do as he likes on his time.

Bump

of course he isn't free to do what he wants in his time if it will hurt her emotionally.

So if her dad won't agree to it, what can I do?

Have you asked him if he will agree to it? Ask him if you haven't and point out the extreme damage comments like this can have on a girl. If he won't agree to preventing her from being exposed to this woman then you need to look again at the access.

I would also talk to your daughter about this woman because unfortunately you can be told 20 times that you look great, but you'll believe the 1 person who says your dress is too tight!

If you don't fight for your daughter then no one will!

Definitely say something.

I know a teenage boy whose stepmother used to call him fat when he was younger, his mother didn't know about it and his father didn't step up. Now he's been battling anorexia for years and has incredibly low self-esteem. Comments like these should be nipped in the bud immediately, children shouldn't be made self-conscious about their weight and the way they look.

What kickarsqueen said.

Totally agree with kickarsequeen this woman needs to be told and nipped in the bud before your daughter develops a complex.

And you need to pull dd's dad on it to, he cannot possibly think that this is acceptable for his daughter to hear?

If he doesn't agree, try mediation.

I don't know anything about your ex-MIL obvs but I would also speak to your dd and say something like, sometimes people call another person fat or other mean things, not because that person is, but because they are a bitch maybe unhappy themselves and don't know how to fix it, so they set out to make someone else feel bad too. That is not right and if people behave like that you should ignore them as they are probably making it up.

Horrible that she should learn this so young but better than becoming obsessed with her appearence.

Tbh this whole 'skinny' thing really gets my goat. It means unhealthy and underweight and is a horrible negative word (in this case like the horrible negative person it came from). Why would anyone want to be skinny? I would be