Do I have PND?

[Adreena]

My DS1 is 20 weeks old. He was a really easy baby at the beginning, still is really, but I'm finding it harder to cope as time goes on. He sleeps well at night but I'm worn out all the time. Mornings are ok but I'm struggling to cope with afternoons. DS is not good at napping and gets quite grumpy in the afternoon and when the grizzling starts I just want to hand him over to someone else to look after. I have no patience. DH is very good with him and works from home a lot to help me out but it still doesn't feel enough. He also does all the cooking but I would rather eat beans on toast and have the extra help rather than he be in the kitchen for best part of an hour (he enjoys cooking and takes it v seriously). This does not go down very well and I'm sure I come across as miserable and ungrateful.

I suffered anxiety during my pg and although I was fine after birth, it's creeping back in. I'm constantly stressed and in a bad mood. It's affecting my DH and I'm worried my son is picking up on it and that's why he's turning from a smiley, happy baby into an unsettled whinger.

I adore my baby (yes, really!) and had no issues bonding. I hated pregnancy and the birth wasn't great either. I think returning to work a couple of days a week might help me but as I was pretty much pushed onto mat leave early by my resentful, unsupportive manager (had lots of time off for various health issues/appts etc). She is unlikely to accept a request for flexible working. So it's either go back full time on shift work and never see my son in the week or stay at home and feel resentful for the loss of my job due to one spiteful woman.

I often think I might have PND but then I'll have a good day/few days and think no I just need to adjust to my "new life". Does it sound like PND?

God, I really do sound like a misery guts don't I??

Nope, you sound like a new mum who is juggling life like we all do.

Being the wife of a man who also likes to cook good meals, I suggest you propose a couple of nights a week with an easier meal so he can do bath & bedtime & give you a hand or a break. You could suggest it as you doing the cooking or just spending family time together.

My ds was ace too, but although he was a decent napper, he was more frumpy in the afternoons and these were my low points. I remember pushing him round the park in the pissing rain just cos it was better than him being grumpy in the house. I found it quite lonely at times.

Is it worth you chatting with your gp, just so you can get a benchmark on how you're feeling? I've though I was depressed before & by my gp saying "you're too well presented to be depressed" made me go away & decide to do more positive things.

Work wise, I suppose it can depend on what sort of job you & the company you work for, but they legally have to consider any request & can only decline on the basis of the needs of the job/company. Their hr dept should advise them on that. I went back doing 4.5 days over 4 days as I thought to ask for 4 days would be declined. May it be best to arm yourself with the legal knowledge so that you can strive for what you want? It sounds like you've given up before you've started the conversation with them - obviously I don't know the specific circumstances though. You can sometimes sell it to your employer on the basis that the day off you have can be taken up with child related matters leaving you to concentrate on work when you're there.

please go and chat to your GP. From what you've said, you may have pnd or you may not. so its important to get assessed in case. My pnd started as you describe, I went to the gp who like the previous poster, told me that I wasn't depressed and sent me on my way. He told me to come back if I felt suicidal or wanted to harm DD not helpful! So it then got a lot worse before it got better, as I did actually have pnd and noone realised apart from me. I finally went to a sensible gp and got some help. If you are at all worried, please see your gp or hv. it's better to be safe than sorry.

I will make a GP appt. I have seen the GP but am never able to tell the whole story. I don't know why I hold back. Don't want to be seen as an unfit mum I guess. I've been in citalopram in the last and really, really don't want anti d's again.

adreena try writing down everything you feel and 'the whole story' and give this to your GP to read

It really helps to articulate what you want to say without mumbling or holding back on important things if your embarrassed or confused when sat in front of him

X

What help is available via the GP, apart from anti-depressants? Or are anti-depressants the only course of action?

Talking therapy such as cbt is usually offered before or as well as ADs. Maybe that would be more helpful?