hi, first time on here..
i feel i need to give a back ground of whats happened so far to where we are now, so im sorry, its gonna be a long one!..
until dd was 18 months old he lived with his mother and her partner (though me and dh were unaware that she even had a partner or of anyone else living there).
we got a phonecall from the hospital when dd was 18mo that he had sustained bruises to the head and face and were in no way accidental (luckily we had been away for 5days therefore were out of the frame). the mother insisted she didnt know where they came from, said he fell, blamed her partner etc. dd is now 3years 9months old. last month dd's mother was found guilty of causing the injuries herself.
he was removed from her home when it happened, still has supervised contact twice weekly (only 5 hours a week(mums choice). this does not appear to affect him and he is happy to see her for the allowed times.
when this happened myself and his father worked away during the week therefore he stayed with his paternal grandmother.. this is where the struggle begins..
it was only ever meant to be a temporary situation for him to stay with grandmother, unfortunately she got her claws in pretty deep and found every excuse not to move him (my dh has the HUGE problem of trying to keep everyone happy). she said things like, 'hes had a huge trauma, it wouldnt be right to move him' and 'he needs me around constantly'. to begin with we went with it and moved to her house and continued to work through the week until we found alternative jobs/accommodation etc.
there have been all sorts of problems since she has been a full time carer, his behaviour, sleeping, independence and lack off learning anything.
she would not tell him off for being naughty/hitting etc, when we were there and tried to enforce discipline, he would run to grandma where she would over ride us. she refused to take him to nursery, he was massively falling behind. we managed to get him off his dummy, turned our backs and she gave it back after 2 weeks! we got no say in his up bringing, as she decided everything was her choice.
oh and she was also charging us £300 a month just for him, though we payed for his food, clothing, days out etc. this was on top of £300 each a month.. coming to £900 a month. clever woman, no chance of cutting work hours or getting a family home with them types of bills.
we have managed to save and moved in to our own place 6 months ago, we also no longer work away and i have vastly cut down my hours to care for dd, though grandmother still wants £300 a moth for odd bits of childcare!! in an effort to stop him from moving with us she then said if he had spent time with me he had night terrors and made himself physically sick from stress!! (i need no reassurance in knowing he loves me greatly, it is plain to see). when that didnt work she said he was allergic to cats(we have 2), she said he had been to the Drs, but they cant test for allergies till he is 5?!?!?! also, from what we have seen he is just fine.. basically, the woman is mental lol
we have moved dd in slowly, asking where he wants to sleep that night etc, he has now made the choice to live with us. he now goes to nursery 6 hours a week. we have got a handle on discipline(sort off), he is finally learning some manners, hhe is learning to count(can only count to 3 mind). he is turning out to be a wonderful child, which was hard to imagine possible when he was living with grandma
the main concern at the moment is getting him to sleep alone AND in his own bed.
we let him fall asleep with us (on the sofa or in our bed) then put him in his own bed(now he is used to the house). we would really like him to go to sleep in his own bed but he wont budge, i have tried bargaining with him, but he says he doesnt like treats/toys/sweets etc
in the night he wakes up 6/7 times, each time i take him back to bed, telling him to stay first time and silently after. the first 2/3 times he gets out of bed and comes to our room, after that he stands outside the doorway. when hes back in bed, he doesnt cry hysterically, he sobs, its heartbreaking, it can go on for well over an hour, falls asleep for 20 and back up..
i am looking for advice on the sleep but also anything else that you have any advice would also be great!!
im realising i needed a moan!! lol so sorry for the long post but please help!! :)
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step-mum in need of ALOT of advice!!
12 replies
Aahleigh1989 · 05/01/2014 01:43
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05/01/2014 01:51
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