Baby blues or PND?

[bellerous]

Hi,

I'm a new mum to an 11 day old baby boy. When I found out I was pregnant I was ecstatic and so excited this was how I felt up until I was about 8 months when my excitement turned to fear I was terrified of labour but even more terrified of becoming a mum and losing who I am.

Labour wasn't as bad as I had expected mainly because I had an epidural and couldn't feel anything and after he was born I was so happy but now I feel low I keep crying for no reason and miss the relationship my boyfriend and I had before and I feel like I'm mourning it because I know things will never be the same. We were so close and so in love and spent so much time just the two of us I feel sad that part of out life is over. It's only been 11 days and maybe things get better but I've already noticed things changing in our relationship. Earlier on I burst into tears because a song came on that was out around the time we first got together and I wanted to go back to then.

I love my little boy I really do but I don't feel happy I feel low and anxious. I dread bed time because I'm scared he's going to wake up and I won't know what todo or how to soothe him. I'm also dreading my boyfriend going back to work the thought makes me feel physically sick.

I was really a worried I would get PND because both of my sisters suffered with it.

Are the things I am feeling normal or is there something wrong with me?

Here's a virtual hug! The blues are normal, your body is adjusting after a huge hormone crash. And you've just given birth so you're knackered and leaking and bleeding and sweating and have a demanding little baby to look after too. It's normal.
It's also normal to mourn your old life, after all you've just had the biggest change to your existence that you'll ever have. It takes time to get your head around that.
Would you chat to your sisters about how you are feeling? They may be able to reassure you, and it's good if they can keep an eye on you too. If the blues don't lift in a couple of weeks have a chat with your HV or GP.

Bump

Sorry you are having such a tough time. I felt similarly to this - my husband didn't go back to work for 5 weeks because I just couldn't cope with the idea of him going back before that. I didn't really mourn my old life in terms of what I used to do, but I did feel like I had been picked up and plonked down into a new life with absolutely no idea what I should be doing. I still struggle now (9m later), and the day before my husband goes back to work usually ends up with a huge argument because I'll be worried about how I'm going to cope for the week.
It took a long time for me to gain a bit of confidence - I'm someone who likes to know what I'm doing 3 weekends ahead so having a baby has meant I've had to pretty much work against my whole personality in order to feel ok when things change minute to minute.
What you are feeling is completely normal and probably 90% of it is purely hormonal - there is a massive hormonal shift going on inside your body. From that point of view you can try to give your body a helping hand by eating really healthily and maybe also take a good multi-vitamin (post-natal ones will have vitamins/minerals that your body needs most at this time rather than just a basic A-Z one), and try to get as much exercise as you can.
From an emotional point of view, tell the people around you how you are feeling and get as much help from them as you can - practical in terms of cooking/cleaning/shopping/taking baby so you can nap for an hour, or just listening to you talking about how you are feeling. Don't be afraid to talk to anyone who will listen (maybe not quite as far as me when I poured my heart out to a stranger in a car park one time!)

Postnatal depression does have a family link and I think talking about it to your midwife, GP or health visitor would be a good idea. Your symptoms though are not the most typical for actual postnatal depression that tends to develop after the first two weeks. It is to a point normal to be a little more anxious/concerned because from an evolutionary point of view this helps ensure mothers take extra care with tiny new vulnerable babies(even if they end up feeling half-potty with it), and it is also ok not to 'instinctively' know what to do with a new baby in different situations, and it's equally ok to feel ambivalent about the loss of your past life without it being a mental illness. Be more gentle on yourself, sleep as much as you can but also make sure you let a few people know how you feel so that you have a support network looking out for you.

Oh you poor thing Bellerous. I remember wondering if I had PND (which I now know I didn't) as this is exactly how I felt at about that time with my first - in fact I don't know any mums who didn't feel like that! I missed my DH - even though he was sitting right beside me!

Definitely keep an eye on how you're feeling, if your sisters both had PND, but I think most mums feel just as you're feeling - so many threads on Mumsnet are about this. Read them - it'll help you to know you're not alone and your feelings are okay.

It gets better I absolutely promise! Just hang in there, get as much sleep as is possible with such a little one, eat yummy food, cuddle your partner and your baby as much as possible, and don't put too much pressure on yourself. This is just a stage - a difficult one yes - but it will pass! I'm sure you're doing brilliantly.

Completely normal . I had a right panic on my husbands first week back and he had to ring in sick one day so I could sleep. Give it a couple of weeks then try to get yourself out the house. The teary phase will go soon x