3 week old won't sleep in Moses basket! Help pls!

[Yankeedoodlenic]

DS1 is 3 weeks 3 days. BFing is going wonderfully & he's gaining weight just as he should. Usually falls asleep while feeding but as soon as I put him in the Moses basket he wakes up & screams/cries until I give in & pick him up. But then the only real way to sooth him back to sleep is to BF again until he does. Hence most nights he is sleeping in my arms for most of of the night.

Things I've tried:
Swaddling him (using one of those swaddle blanket/sack things)- seemed to like this early on but now just kicks/squirms his way out in minutes

Rolling blankets to make the basket more cosy (I know this is a cot death no no!)

Using a cuski (spelling??) toy that I stuffed in my shirt all day so supposedly smells like me.

Hot water bottle to warm up the mattress before putting him in.

He does like a dummy but won't keep it in his mouth & once he starts screaming there is no way he will take it.

Trying to let him cry & sooth him without picking him up but a) how long should you let this go on for b) how on earth do you stand it?? He looks right at me as if to say "mummy why aren't you helping me?!" It's awful. I usually give up after a couple minutes.

I've always been so against co-sleeping & so I don't really want to go down this route. Plus I'm so worried I'm going to make things worse for myself down the line.

Help please

Cuddle him, cuddle him lots, feed him whenever he asks for it and offer milk even when he doesn't ask. Sleep with him next to you, on your chest or in your arms. Give in every time but don't view it as "giving in", it's not a battle with a winner and loser, it's a wonderful special time with a brand new human who needs you to be close to him all the time. Treasure it. There are years and years to come when he won't need you so close.

Congratulations on your ds - it sounds as if you're doing great!

I'm 2 weeks ahead of you as my ds is 5 weeks old.

To be honest for the first 4 weels ds spent most of his time sleeping in our arms/on our chest. They are so tiny that they just want to be close to you. My ds also frequently woke as soon as you put him down.

Just this last week he has started settling more easily. We still hold him until he's asleep but this now happens much more quickly and we put him in his basket and he stays asleep

So honestly it will get easier. I don't co-sleep as it's not for me so took to just cuddling my boy to sleep and staying sat up and awake while settling him.

I truly believe you can't 'spoil' tiny babies by cuddling them to sleep etc - they are just too tiny to be able to understand being seperate from their mummy so I don't think you'll make things worse down the line.

Sorry not much advice except just go with the flow and cuddle your lovely ds as much as he needs you to. I just try to enjoy the lovely snuggles even at 3am as I know he won't be tiny forever

Lie in late in the morning and don't worry about housework etc. Good luck and enjoy xx

He's a tiny thing!!! Try waiting until he's been asleep for at least 20 mins (in a deep sleep by then) - during the 20 min wait, hold upright against your chest and wind by rubbing and pat very gently to wind him. Then gently pop into a cot. Moses baskets have crinkly mattresses so not great for babies! A cot might be better.

Firstly, congratulations on your little one! I'm really glad you're finding that your bf-ing is going well - it can be really hard work to start with.

In response to your question, though, please pick him up! He's not been here long and he wants cuddles - the world is so big and loud on comparison with where he's been, and he is so tiny. Is there something in particular about sleeping with him that you're concerned about? I get that bed sharing isn't for everyone but for us it was the only way we could all get sleep in the early days.

In my experience you naturally form a protective c-shape around where your baby is sleeping and this prevents you from rolling on him.

I also don't believe that you can spoil a baby. I think that the only "rod" you can make for your own back at this time is the trust and the love of your baby who currently can do very little for himself. At the risk of sounding twee, my view on parenting is that the overall goal is to give your child roots and wings. When they are tiny, you work on the roots. There's plenty of time to develop the wings.

The early days can be really hard, not least because of the sleep deprivation. But it does pass, it does get better, and one day your baby won't want the cuddles like he does now!

My eldest hated his Moses basket. My youngest loved it. My solution for basket hating was a cot pushed up against the bed and also co sleeping. I had a dropped sided cot. I couldn't co-sleep with Ds2 (medical reasons ) but having the cot pushed up against the bed was a good compromise.
I also learnt to breast feed lying on one side (it too a few attempts) and often would walk up and realised I had fallen asleep and Ds would either be still attached or had fallen asleep too.

Thanks so much everyone. Apart from now being in tears feeling like I've been mean to let him cry a bit I won't feel guilty about letting him sleep on me as I do love it. He's like my cuddly little teddy bear.

I have exactly the same issue with my wee girl and I keep being told that I will make problems for myself if I give in to her but she is only 4 weeks old!
Some nights she will sleep in her basket for a few hours and some days she will sleep in her pram downstairs but the last 2 nights she has refused to sleep anywhere but with me. Her dad works nights so I have the bed to myself and have resorted to lying her on top of the bed in her swaddle with a blanket (same covering she would have in her basket) as she seems happy to sleep next to me. I don't want to co sleep as it scares me (worried about squishing her or the covers ending up over her face) and this seems to be the answer for us at the moment. During the day I often give in and sleep on the couch with her on my chest, partly because she sleeps better and partly because I love it!
I figure just going with whatever works at the moment is the best way and we will work out a routine/ boundaries when she is a bit older. I am already gutted that she has grown out if newborn clothes so just want to savour her being such a wee tot :)

both of mine were like that and they both ended up sleeping with me. I soon learned to feed lying down which meant I got plenty of sleep.

you've tried all the things I tried. dd2 was better with swaddling but it had to be really tight dd1 hated it. dd2 still loves her cuski and I cant see her giving it up anytime soon.

Don't feel guilty!! As a new mum we're told what we should do which goes against our instinct yet we do it anyway out of pressure not to create "rods" etc.

Cuddle away!

I could have written your post. My dd is now 12 weeks and we can put her in her basket awake and she will settle herself to sleep. I did like sleeping with her in my arms but worried about rolling on her so didn't sleep well.
Found we had to wait till she was in a deep sleep before we could transfer her. Has got far easier so hang in there.

If you don't want to co-sleep (I didn't) I went down the pick down pick up route and it worked very very quickly. Put baby down awake and as soon as she was unhappy picked her up again and cuddled her until she was relaxed and calm and then put her back down, as soon as she was unhappy I picked her up and cuddled etc etc - repeat as often as required until baby is happy to lay in in cot/moses basket awake and drift off to sleep.

One of mine hated her moses basket as well. The others I put the moses basket in the cot for a few weeks until they were too big for it (I had very tall babies!)

Definitely another one saying cuddle, cuddle and more cuddles. And enjoy every minute of it. My ds is 14 weeks now and is very settled into his crib and will also nap in most places now. But it wasn't always like that.... We had many nights with him snuggled up on either dh or me and we both loved it. We did bed share for the first 10 weeks and it was the best decision we made and he was ready for his crib when we finally put him in (and I actually miss him not sleeping with us now!!).

Things will get easier but just enjoy the cuddles for now and ignore people's dísapproving looks!

Oh no Yankee don't cry you've not been mean at all! It's so hard to know what to do for the best, whether it's your first baby or a different baby. If it makes you feel any better, I didn't feed DS nearly enough the 2 days we were in hospital - I mean I fed him when the midwives came and told me off for not feeding him . It was new and scary and I was in some kind of hormonal weirdness after giving birth.
Don't feel guilty for cuddling your baby...But also don't feel bad for doing what you feel is right for you. Lots of parenting is instinctive but other bits aren't. You can always come on here for advice. Some of it you will think, "noooooo I'm not doing that" and some you will find yourself nodding along to and thinking, "hmm yeah that might work". It's trial and error a lot of the time, but there are always hands to hold here.

My ds wouldn't settle in a Moses basket unless really asleep already. We were lucky to be given a crib with bars which he much preferred. Our house is quite warm (1980s terrace and well insulated) and I think maybe he needed better airflow.

You definitely shouldn't feel guilty about cuddling your baby to sleep (they often don't like being put down in the first few weeks, going by my two - it does get better if you keep persevering) - but by the same token you mustn't feel guilty about encouraging your DS to sleep in his own space.

There's nothing wrong with babies sleeping in moses baskets or cots as opposed to on top of parents or in their bed. There seem to be a lot of mumsnetters who are a) able to sleep well with babies on top of them all night or b) able to function on very little sleep. I wasn't one of them! Keep your darling baby happy of course, and if you can sleep well with them beside you - that's perfect! But your own happiness (which is hugely affected by sleep) is VERY important too. It's hard to enjoy your baby every moment if you're deranged with tiredness!

For me, swaddling, stroking, dummy, muslin, propped up moses basket and sleeping on side (which you're not advised to do, I know) with rolled up towels to keep them secure. Also, at this age they're tired very quickly. One hour max (often less) and they need to go down again! If you put him down awake when you notice he's tired he'll soon get the hang of it. I wouldn't leave him crying at this stage (although DON'T feel guilty if you have! Wont' have affected him! ) but just keep trying until he goes down more happily.

Good luck!

have you got a rocking stand for your Moses basket ? I found this really helped , baby a little bit unsettled when first put in basket but with a dummy and the rocking of the basket , drifted off to sleep ... now I don't need to rock it at all ...

Thanks so much everyone for the kind words, encouragement and suggestions. MNers are the best.

I am going to just go with the flow for these next couple of weeks and not beat myself up about letting DS sleep on me or next to me during the night. I don't sleep brilliantly with him on me but it is decent enough.

WeeTeaJenny - no rocking stand but am wishing I would have splashed the extra £5 on one...

With my DD even though they say you should put them down awake blah blah blah, I used to feed her to sleep, then hold her until she passed the 'arm test' (lift her arm gently and it flops down without her stirring), then gently pop her down. I then started putting her down gradually in less and less of a deep sleep until I was putting her down drowsy but awake. At this stage just do whatever works :)