Not settling in at new school/neighbourhood.

[foxylady76]

My first time posting and I'm after some advice please.

We moved to a brand new area in the town from the country in Nov. The reason for the move was that my dd's dad and I split up and I could not afford to stay in our large farmhouse alone. However, we are now back together and things are vastly improved between us.

Our dd is finding the change difficult to cope with. Her new school has close to 600 pupils, her old one less than 100. She had great friends she'd known since playgroup (she's 7 now) but is finding it hard to make new friends now and often comes home from school upset as she's had no one to play with.
She's also way behind her class mates in terms of what they are doing in class. The school as a rep for being really driven and pushy and she is nowhere near at her class mates level, esp at maths. The teacher gave us a couple of books home which we have worked through but she had huge tantrums about it. She also hates her teacher, saying she's mean and nasty. The teacher is very strict and we have been to see her a few times about the school work etc but she doesn't really see why we are worried. I suppose because all she's seeing is a quiet little girl in class while we are seeing how much she's changed.
She just seems so sad all the time and it's breaking my heart. She frequently says she wants to move back to our old village, gets upset over silly things, wont tell me what's on her mind etc and I just don't know what to do. I'm trying to be upbeat and encouraging but I feel so bad for her.

Any advice would be appreciated.

Not had this but didn't want you to go unanswered. Bhopegully this will bump for you

Can you sign her up for Brownies or clubs (sports, chess etc.) where she can meet other kids in a smaller setting? This might also give you the opportunity to meet other parents and you can arrange some playdates for her to build relationships with other kids.

Being behind in her school work is a big worry. Can you see someone like a grade/department head to arrange extra help for her?

Well, she sounds like she's been through a lot over the last couple of months, poor kid.

Not saying that to make you feel bad but even if the new school was wonderful she'd still have had her world shaken by the move/problem at home etc so no wonder she's had her confidence knocked.

Re: the school, I suggest you give it more time, she has only been there a few weeks. Friendship groups do take time to establish at this age. Are the school giving her support in making friends- they really need to do so. And you can help by setting up playdates etc

As for the academic stuff - do you think she was badly taught at her last school? Do their NC levels for her match with what the new school has assessed her as? If you think there is a genuine mismatch b/w her abilities and the level the school teaches to then maybe it isn't the right school for her but a good school should be able to cater for a variety of different abilities and should certainly be able to support a child in reaching their potential.

A friend's daughter (8) recently moved from a small school to a large one. She's settling well and doing well but nonetheless found it a big shock not to be 'top' in everything - a natural consequence if you move from a class of 12 to a year group of 80.

Had a similar situation (move and lots of changes etc). We found that it was helpful to join loads of clubs as mentioned above, probably too many to be honest but we figured he could drop out of the ones that don't suit him. We've also tried a mix of clubs that have school friends that attend and ones that don't so he has a chance to 'click' with a range of kids. Also, we've made a point of staying in touch with other friends from previous school so he goes for tea etc still and has contact- is this possible? Finally, just be there to listen and don't try to convince then that all is rosy, just be there to hear their thoughts (which is tough to do as, as a parent, you naturally want to offer comfort)- sometimes just being heard helps. Best of luck for you all.

I have put her name on the waiting list for Brownies but currently all 3 groups are full. I've told her after the hols are over we will try to invite a different girl home with her after school on a regular basis so she can get to know some of them better on a one to one basis. As far as school work, she's getting extra help in class and is having one to one sessions with a retired head mistress who goes in to the school especially to support kids in the same position. I don't think her old school was particularly bad. She was top of her class in everything and always had good reports. I think her new school is very proactive tho and it certainly has a good reputation. She's very sensitive and I think that she's just finding the different ways they do things hard to cope with. She will take to heart the teacher correcting her spelling or asking her to change the way she writes an "f" for instance and will look on it as criticism and that she has done something wrong. I try to explain it's how we learn but she just says her teacher picks on her. I think I'll speak to the teacher again next week and see if she can shed any light. Maybe telling my dd that she's happy with what she's doing in class will give her a boost.