Baby will only sleep on me - advice received with gratitude...

[RebeccaJames]

DS2 is 3 weeks old and I am desperate to find a path forward with sleep. He does a lot of short naps on me during the day, but will wake up if I put him down.

At night is the worst. He goes to bed with me at 10 after cluster feeding all evening (I daren't try him any earlier because I'm so scared of missing out on sleep myself!). I feed him to sleep (no way anything else will work yet) and then put him in his hammock, wnere he will miraculously go 2.5-3 hours before waking. After he wakes and feeds it gets infuriating. I BF him to sleep and put him back in his hammock, wnere he'll start stirring 5 minutes later, escalating into wakefulness and rooting, no matter how much I rock the hammock. So I end up picking him up, feeding him to sleep, trying again with the same result. Last night I did this from 2-4 in the morning before I lost the plot and put him in the bed with me where I can sleep while he feeds. At some point he comes off the breast of his own accord, and I roll away from him, yet he then doesn't wake for at least another hour.

I can barely face the night tonight. :-( I need to find steps forward in order to carry on, but I've read a ton of different stuff in those lonely small hours and have no clue still.

Can anyone advise? Will it naturally get better as he gets older, or should I be taking some measures. I just can't let him cry, though. Not yet, anyway. He's still so tiny (well, 9lb, but so young!).

Any advice about timings (i.e. is 10 too late and I should have the balls to try earlier? My fear is I'll miss that single block of sleep of 2.5 hours and then get none at all!)) or how to get him to stay asleep in his hammock.

Please help... Getting pretty desperate now!

Rebecca

If you can sleep while he feeds, and then roll away and sleep until the next feed, why not do that? It sounds like the only problem is trying to get him to sleep in the hammock.

My DD was exact same. I fed her all evening and then she slept on my chest for the night as it was the only way to survive.
It is normal, physiological baby behaviour and it will get better without you 'doing' anything.
Congratulations on your new baby

Sounds pretty normal to me - new babies are bloody exhausting

Can you co-sleep rather than use the hammock and get a sling for the daytime? DS was a Velcro baby and a sling saved my sanity.

Leaving such a tiny baby to cry teaches them nothing (obviously if you're desperate to wee and need to put him down so you can go to the loo, that's not a problem!) so don't worry about having to 'do' anything to help him go down to sleep.

I coslept while mine was newborn for this reason!

Only advice is it does pass, sorry!

DS did this as well. I hadn't planned on co sleeping but did so to get some sleep.

I BF lying down and dozed, it got better very quickly.

DD was the same - I ended up co sleeping but managed to switch her over to her Moses basket by about 5 weeks. She's 9 weeks now and it is Much easier - the first few weeks are exhausting!

Firstly DH is banished to another room, as he does drink an he sleeps very heavily, so there's a marital impact, and I also worry about covers, etc., which means I sleep incredibly lightly and fretfully. Also, I worry about how to eject him from the bed later could just rather he sleeps in the hammock right next to me. I can hold his hand and keep contact but I know he is safe.

With a newborn I'd just worry about getting as much sleep as possible! It can't be having that much of a marital impact at 3 weeks can it?

Are those hammocks very safe btw? I thought I'd read about a recall some time ago.

Don't worry about getting him out of the bed later - babies are programmed to co-sleep but they do eventually sleep alone

Don't worry about 'marital impact' either. This newborn knackering stage feels endless at the time, but is over quickly.

Do what you need to do to get through, even if it isn't what you originally planned to do.

DS was the same. We ended up co sleeping which worked really well and everyone got lots of sleep! There are ways of co sleeping safely which you can google.
It does get better.
I now have a 2.5 year old who sleeps very well in his own bed. I miss all the cuddles!
Congratulations

Thanks everyone. I'm just exhausted and tearful this evening and so worried about covers and co-sleeping and how hubby feels! I tried sleeping in my dressing gown with no covers but my arms, hands and feet got so cold. Tried adding a sheet but no better. They say don't use covers but it is winter!

As to the hammock, we used it with DS1 and have read a lot since the safety recall. It seems to have been user error, as described here onelittlewordsheknew.blogspot.co.uk/2009/11/amby-baby-hammock-recall.html?m=1. We decided to keep using it - although of course he's hardly ever in it!

We put DS in a baby sleeping bag on top of the duvet, I went under the duvet.

Ahhh, it's so hard isn't it.
Have you ever read 'The no cry sleep solution'? There are some really good ideas in there about how to encourage babies to sleep on their own. We used it with DS when we kicked him out of our bed he was ready to sleep in his own cot.

I fed DS sitting up then lay down with him in the crook of my arm, then it was easy to wiggle over. If he fed loads I could half doze.

He was in a sleeping bag and I put the duvet over me but not him, it was fine

In fact I missed it a lot when he started going in his basket!

I think 6 weeks he went in for st least most of the night.

OK I will persist with the co-sleeping as it does buy me a little extra sleep. I want to enjoy having him so close but the anxiety does get In the way. To Flisspaps, I would be scared to put him on the duvet in case I give it a tug in my sleep and send him onto the floor! Unless bed was pushed against the wall - but then there's a risk they fall in the gap. Not sure how to do that safely...

Will read No Cry Sleep Solution, but have already read Gina Ford (not for me) and Harvey Karp (didn't work) so nervous of reading more. Maybe after a break I will try.

I was nervous the first few times, I didn't co sleep with my first baby but after a couple if nights I loved it. He used to cuddle up to my back.

He's 10 months now and goes into a cot with no problems at all.

I used to tuck the duvet under the mattress at the end of the bed so it only went up to my waist and I couldn't accidentally pull it up over the baby. Do you have a cot you could put against your bed with the side off?

No cry is about as different fromGina Ford as it's possible to get and come from a slightly different angle to Harvey Karp. I think with all of the books it.'a best to just pick and choose the bits that you think would work for you.

Just another thought. DH used to sometimes take DS downstairs after his 8pm ish feed then let him sleep on his lap while he watched TV for a couple before his next feed so that I could get some proper sleep for a few hours. Would your DH do that?

DH would do that but DS2 won't sleep on anyone but me at the moment. He knows when you transfer him to another person, even when he's asleep! :-)

I posted pretty much the exact same op when DS was 3wo. Was advised to co-sleep by the wise old owls of mn and was the best advice ever as I actually got some sleep.

I too was worried about squishing/suffocating him, so was really careful with covers. Have you considered a cosy onesy? Admittedly, might not help the marital impact but you'd be snug.

What reassured me was that DH once watched us sleeping and he reported that we were so in tune with each other. Every sigh, or moan stirred the other a little and I would sort of check on him with a pat or snuggle in our sleep. Sounds weird but I've read that it was happens with bfing mums and babies.

Our son was exactly the same, would only sleep on myself or my husband and we just weren't getting any sleep. I was really worried about the co-sleeping. He was slightly better in the carry cot than the moses basket, so we used to rock him lots in the carry cot and that worked for short periods, but never more than 30-45 mins.

However, he was much better when we moved him to the cot and (controversially) put him to sleep on his front. I know this will spark a reaction and obviously it isn't what is recommended, but our son is so much happier on his front. I was really worried about this too for the first few nights, but was so desperate to get some sleep we gave it a go. He is now 8 months and obviously can move himself around in his cot and roll, but still chooses to sleep on his front. In the end I decided it was either that or co-sleeping - neither of which is recommended!

Hope you find something that works for you.

Co-sleep otherwise you will loose your sanity! It will be ok in the end but for the moments needs must! Good luck

OP you are doing well, it is hard. Sleep (for both you and baby) is so important. Two things helped me with DS1:

1. in the daytime I let him sleep on my chest. To begin with I felt I had to stay awake but after a while I realised that if I propped myself up in the middle of the bed with cushions I could nap too. I felt he was safe as I was semi-aware of him and it was better for him overall if I had enough sleep. Not so easy with second child I know so this may not help - a sling may be easier in your circumstances.

2. re nighttime - I read that it takes a newborn 30 minutes to get into a really deep sleep. If I BF him to sleep then waited long enough I could put him down in his cot without him stirring again - if I tried too soon he'd do what you describe and wake after 5-10 minutes. I used to even have a little clock in sight to time this. This only worked at night - if I tried to put him down in the daytime even after 30 minutes he'd wake up again, hence the sleeping on my chest in the daytime.

Hope you find something that helps.

Thanks, everyone. I can now face the night. I've tucked my duvet in at the bottom of the bed and I am going to wait 30 mins before attempting a transfer of any kind. So I am definitely further along than a few hours ago when I was earlier when I burst into tears at the thought of the night. And I'm going to break out the sling again tomorrow. Tried it last week and he still only wanted to nurse but might settle for sleeping in there now.

Sanity can be clawed back! My swaddled little cherub is now next to me in bed, filling his boots, and may drop off soon, who knows. "Drowsy but awake" is still a few paces away for us! Hate that phrase from all the books!