Four year old girl keeps on wetting herself

[shell1980]

Can anyone help my daughter is 4 and has been dry for ages but recently has started to wee herself, i think she is being lazy as she usually does it while out playing and she is so engrosed in what she is doing she either forgets or just cant be bothered Grandma thinks its for attention but im not convinced i have tried the nice approach of never mind it doesnt matter but we are now at the telling off stage its happening that often i hate telling her off but this cant go on she starts school in 6 weeks i dont want her to be the one that wets herself anyone got ideas on how to stop it happening?!!!

How long's it been going on for? Any chance she could have a UTI?

Try not to tell her off for it; she's only little and chances are she's not doing it deliberately. Plus, if she's attention-seeking, telling her off just gives her the attention she needs.

I dont think she has a uti but saying that she was complaining that her back was hurting but when i took her to the doctor ( who is rubbish) he just said he didnt know!! She had an operation a couple of months ago was put under anasthetic and was really bad after that but she seemed to sort herself out after a while! I know i shouldnt shout at her but its so frusrating when she has been dry since she was 2 and a half!!

My 4 year old went through a phase of this which ran its course. It was very frustrating but only lasted about 2 months.

If you think it's for attention, then don't giver this behaviour any attention. My DD who is also 4 also occasionally wets herself, she's also starting school in September. When she does it, I just tell her to go and change her pants (and clothes if necessary) so that we can carry on doing whatever we were doing. I don't show any irritation (though I sometimes feel it), I'm just very matter of fact. Don't worry about her being "the one that wets herself" - you'll make her worry about it, cause her stress, and make it more likely to happen. Also, the teachers are used to dealing with this now that kids are starting school so young (at my DS's school, we are asked to provide spare socks and pants for reception children). It really isn't that unusual, honestly, she won't be the only one who wets herself, loads of them do at least once in the first year.

The ohter thing if you think it's an attention thing, is to give her praise when she remembers to go to the loo even in the middle of a game. Or to remind her, and then praise her loads when she does a wee-wee, so that she gets the message that when she wets herself there's no mileage in it but if she doesn't, she gets loads of positive attention.

As it's a recent thing, could it also be a slight worry about starting school? Or as WWB says, it could be an infection, it might be worth getting it checked out.

HTH

Thanks for your help it means alot to know we are not alone

If the surgery is only recent it could still be having a knock-on effect. Changes of routine and things like hospitals can really knock children sideways, and it might be the root cause of your dd's wetting.

I'd get the GP to test a sample of her urine to rule out an infection first, and if that's clear then try to address it in other ways. I know it's frustrating but yelling at her is very counter-productive - if it's attention seeking you are giving her the attention, if it's because of illness or the surgery then she needs cutting a bit of slack really.

Hiya just wanted to let you know i took on board all your advice and had a much better day today she didnt wee at all today which is fab and every time she went to the loo i made a big fuss of how cleveer she is and her dad took her out with him this evening for being a big girl she was buzzing off the attention in a good way rather than a negative way!!

Great shell, glad it went well today.

My four year old daughter is doing the same thing. She'd wet herself just minutes after we've asked her if she needs to go potty. What I've found is that what she is doing is far more interesting than the potty. Although she knows she can stop what she's doing there's just no incentive. Trust me, we've tried reward systems in the past. What I discovered is the bathroom is boring. White walls, no kid decorations, nothing. So I've started posting cards and kid artwork on the walls. They're dispensable for the most part so when they get wet from humidity it's no big deal. Each time she goes potty, we post a new card or piece of kid art on the walls for her to look at. Heaven knows adults take magazines with them - why not preschoolers?

My niece did this the summer before she started school. She was always very babyish and I think she just didn't like the talk of being a big girl for school etc. You just have to not make a fuss about the weeing or school.
Have a look for some big sized washable trainer pants for when she does start, they look like real pants and hold a dribble so she'll feel a bit safer if she gets nervous about wetting herself. And pack spare pants in her bag basically.

Just picked up this thread feeling a bit guilty myself as have just gone loopy at my 4 year old who peed all over the carpet - a huge wee near the loo but didn't get there on time. Trouble is it happens 3/4 times a week at the moment and we also get bits of poo in the pants before she decides she needs to go quite regularly. You don't mean to get angry but esp as we are still having quite a few sleep problems sometimes you feel knackered and can't help it. The accidents happen because shes busy or engrossed although we know very well she can go in good time.
So yes it does happen quite a bit and I think you would have to be a saint not to get angry occasionally. Am sure they will all grow out of it soon!