DS's 4th Birthday party - no one came!!!

[EmmieMac]

This was on Sunday and, OK I did exaggerate a bit. Actually one child came - an hour late and only after I'd rung the mum to ask where they were. (She'd forgotten). In desperation, I also got some neighbours to bring their 6yo DD and 2yo DS to make up the numbers. And we do have a DD of our own, so that's 5 children altogether, including ours.

I only gave 7 invites out because our house is tiny but, if we'd had some cancellations, I would have invited others. I only got 2 sodding RSVPs (the boy who - eventually - came and a text from another mum to say they couldn't come, on the morning of the party). My big mistake was not making sure I got people's numbers when I gave them the invite. Then I could have chased them up. I only had the mobile numbers of the 2 who RSVP'd.

We'd made a big deal out of the fact that DS was having his first proper birthday party and working out what games and food he wanted. I just feel so upset for him and so furious with the sodding bastards who can't even RSVP. If we'd known no-one was going to come, we'd have taken him out somewhere for the day instead. DS doesn't seem that bothered, although he does keep asking when he can have another party.

One of the mums texted me today to say she was so sorry, she'd forgotten and gone away leaving the invite behind. I said "thanks for getting in touch. No one came." or bitter words to that effect. I am a bit worried about alienating DS's friends' parents, so now I'm thinking I should have accepted her apology more graciously.

It is a tough time to have a party and people as so bad at RSVP (this never gets much better) - it is hard enough to have it in school holidays, let alone Christmas when everyone is scooting about visiting family. Going forward, a nice thing might be to have his party on the last day of school, so before the Christmas madness starts. It would make a nice end to the term and DS could have a party and a second family birthday after Christmas. My DS had a party like this for a friend who too had his birthday after Christmas and everyone was saying what a nice end it made to term. He got a good turnout. I'm glad your DS still had a nice time.

sorry to hear that but glad you were able to get a few people along anyway

lesson learned I guess, you need to chase up invites at the best of times, never mind over xmas!

hope he had fun anyway

Both of mine have parties in the holidays. You need to send out the invites way before you normally would so that you have time to chase everyone one up for an RSVP.

And yes, you should have been more gracious...

Oh that's terrible. It's hard in the holidays, my cousin always has an early party on the last day of term for her DC, after a few experiences like this.

It's no excuse but people just forget over Christmas and I'm sure would have made more effort if they knew what would have happened.

Hope DS isn't upset

OP that must have been really hard. DD has a birthday during this period. We're having her party mid January because people simply don't come and quite often don't reply over the festive period.

Hope your DS had a good time anyway.

Sorry but you really can't hold little kids' parties during the holidays, especially not Xmas/New Year time when people are often away visiting family.

A friend of mine with a birthday in August always had his birthday party on the last week/weekend before end of term otherwise no one would've come (middle of summer = holidays, people forgot etc).

Sad this time but at least you know for next time, maybe make it the first weekend after school starts in January?

Thanks for the replies. I have never had this problem with DD's parties because her birthday is in term time: I just invited people and they turned up. But also I know the parents a lot better and have their numbers. DS started in the nursery class in September and I haven't got to know the parents very well.

I do like the idea of having a party at the end of term. I think that could work. Thanks.

I think getting knocked up in March was my big mistake.

Sorry to hear that. To not RSVP in just bad manners. Two of my boys have summer birthdays and the other boys birthday is a few days before Christmas. This year we had a big combined Halloween party for them at a local community centre. It was fab just about everyone turned up and they all had a good time. Only downside was no birthday presents but with 6 kids in our house which is like smyths toy shop at the best if times it worked for us.
Hope your little boy had a great time regardless.

Ohh that's really sad :(

Glad you had a few friends round.

Parties in holidays are hard but come one its rude not to RSVP and to just not turn up!

My ds3 bday is 23rd Dec we did his party 22nd and that waa fine.

Parties in holiday are fine as long as you give notice. If people were away fair enough bit to not let you know is rude.

Hope your D's still had a lovely birthday xx

Hello. I am sorry your experience was so bad but I understand it from both sides as I have a Christmas birthday but I am also a busy mum running here, there and everywhere.

What I'd do next year is save the actual day for family or a special treat - pantomime? When everyone is back at school (say mid Jan), invite a few friends over for a tea-party type thing after school (but not on a Friday). Parents can accompany their child to your house or they can pick up from your place. It makes it all a bit more personal and once they know you and where you live, they will be more approachable and understanding.

Don't hassle/ chase up - people genuinely are busy at this time of year.

My daughter is older now but I frequently have her 'birthday' party weeks later. This year it will be a whole month later (maybe more) as we have to wait for a specific film to come out on DVD - it's in the cinema at the moment. She's of an age where they can just have pizza, popcorn and watch the film together.

It gets easier, but do things differently so that your child is not upset. This way, there are 2 things to look forward to!

That's a shame. Glad DS seemed to have a good time anyway. DS has an August birthday which is equally hopeless both for people being around and because I don't see anyone to chase up for replies.
I compensate by:

Doing a first week in September party
Sending a save the date email before term ends
Sending invitations to more people than we really want there
Making a few phone calls to chase if numbers are looking low

It sounds like a rigmarole but you do just have to put in a bit more effort for badly timed birthdays.

I'm so sorry that your DS's party went this way, it's awful. :(

I took DS1 to a birthday party in the middle of the year - I think 4 children from the little boy's (and DS1's) class came, but I asked the mum how many she'd invited (to get an idea of how bad this sort of thing would be) and she said she'd invited the whole class, all 20 children. Most of them hadn't even replied.

I was prepared then, for DS1's party, to get a number of no-shows and non-replies. As it turns out, he was very lucky and most people invited DID reply and DID show up - but the boy he considered to be his best friend, neither replied nor turned up and I had to warn him that this was likely to be the case.

I can NOT be doing with the rudeness of people who do not reply, and who do not consider it important enough to make a note of. It's little children, FGS! These things matter to little children!

I do know accidents happen though - I am still smarting over the one invitation that DS1 had, that I couldn't reply to because DH took it upon himself to bin it, knowing that I wouldn't be able to get DS1 there as I'd just had Ds2 (and DS obviously has no manners ) - I had no way of contacting the mum to let her know DS1 wouldn't be going and I felt so guilty!

So sorry to hear that. That must have been disappointing. At least you know how to improve things next time.

Just wanted to say though, if you hadn't got knocked in March, your DS wouldn't have been your DS. (I have a January baby and its not the ideal birthday time but I wouldn't change her for the World).

got knocked

I'm glad you gave one woman a grumpy response. Not RSVPing is inexcusable.