How would you deal with this?

[littleraysofsunshine]

Do & I are pretty relaxed with our parenting and understand that grandparents or aunts uncles who look after our dc's . But how do you go about it when they do the opposite of what you do, and even when they know you don't do it a certain way.

And when I say no we do it this way, or no we don't give our three yr old a bottle or sweets or whatever else. How else do you go about it??

And I'm then made to feel like I'm the mean one by dds.

Also when round aunts/uncles they let them play on iPods, etc, phones. Which we do not allow unless it's a tiny go on our iPad like once a month for five mins.

and understand that they have a different approach as they're not their parents *

Just keep repeating "We don't do..." "We prefer to do..."

Be polite about it, but firm. The DC is yours, not your relations.

But if it's something minor then maybe try to not sweat it.

I agree with you though - DH and I can be quite strict about certain things, and I understand it's irksome when people ignore your good intentions to do your best.

Not entirely sure from your OP, but do your relations give regular childcare, or just help out a little bit?

Does it really matter? That's what you have to think hard about and only you can really answer that. I think it's fairly normal for children to be indulged when visiting relatives but how much this is tolerated depends on the frequency of visits and the amount of indulgence I think.

We visit my mum for a week once every year or two. Because it isn't very often at all I bite my tongue and try to ignore her feeding my children a diet of sweets, crisps and chocolate. If we saw her more often I'd have to say something as she'd feed them to death.

I'd pre-empt it and be quite firm. For example, we didn't want our son getting chocolate under the age of two and we were both firm with all our family (spoke to them separately out of earshot of child to tell them what we wanted) now that he's 4 we still ban chocolate as a present (xmas etc) but we let him have it as a small treat on normal days and don't worry if grandparents give him a choc biscuit during visits etc (MIL gave DS a bag of chocolate coins when he was 3 months old, so we raised the issue very early!)

Early doors, we told potential babysitters our views and made it clear what we expected - they knew the rules and they respected them - if they're not respecting what you want, I'd speak to them (away from child) and ask what the score is.

They'll all do things differently, and wee variances here and there aren't a problem, but if there is something you feel strongly about then as 'babysitters' they should do what you want regardless of their own beliefs as aunties/grannies etc. I wouldn't mention it in passing (e.g. we prefer it if you don't) I'd be more upfront and serious, (we don't want you to...)

The bottle thing is a bit odd but the sweets are normal and so is playing on their phone. Just accept it and stop worrying.

From personal experience, I think that growing up in a stress-free family environment is much more important than enforcing rules about sweets and iphone useage. When DD was 4 weeks old, my MIL asked when was I going to wean her, so she could give her chocolate? My DH and I both repeatedly and clearly explained to my in-laws that we didn't want DD to have any sweets or TV until she was 2, but they just ignored us. FIL even said he didn't care what I said because he had no respect for me and my stupid rules. It escalated into massive rows and I began to wonder whether we should even allow DD to see her grandparents. That was crazy. I'm glad I caved. DD is now a TV- and chocolate-obsessed 6 year old but happy and I get on with my MIL now. Still hate my FIL, though.

It matters when it effects their behaviours and come home being really naughty or out of character.

We're just going home from all staying at in laws but dd1 kicks off as MIL gives her stuff we don't.

Although I appreciate it is frustrating...it is normal for family to indulge - so long as its not ridiculously so ....