Struggling with 2 kids

[2811]

Hi,
I'm new to MN and after a bit of advice. I'm currently really struggling - I have a DD who is 3 and a DS who is 7 wks. I'm really struggling with having 2 children, I had no idea it would be this hard. I feel like everyone wants a piece of me and I'm sinking - I'm BFing every 2 hrs and DD only wants me to do bath, bedtime etc and DH thinks he's helping but he's really not - his fav line is 'if I could BF...' But doesn't really do any of the other stuff. It doesn't help that DS isn't the most settled of babies.

DD is also really testing her boundaries and is also waking 2/3 times during the night (presumably due to arrival of DS) so I'm not getting much sleep and don't get the chance to nap during the day.

I'm just so tired and I feel like I'm losing myself - any advice?

Thanks in advance!

Firstly, your feelings are legitimate - it really is fucking hard work with two!

I had a similar age gap and your DD will be working through jealousy. Can your DH start treating her a bit, so she is happier to spend time with him?

What saved me was introducing a bottle a day, at bedtime. My DH wasn't always home in time for bedtime, but if he was then at least he could take over with DC2 whilst I did DC1's bedtime.

IIRC I even managed a day out with DC1 when DC2 was about 10 weeks old, which helped my relationship with DC1 no end.

FWIW it's still hard (sorry) and my DC2 is now over 2yo. I've just muddled through the best I could.

I feel the same. It is HARD work! My daughter is 22 months and son 2 months. It ain't easy and I wonder how some people make it looks so easy! I feel like I've got a million things to do and constantly tired! Sometimes I feel it would be easier if we bottle fed formula! Bc I breastfeed and feed expressed milk.

Oh yes - I could have written this. I fact I did. I remember my ds was 9wks. I will link to it as I had great advice.

They're 6&4 now and it really does get easier.

Be kind to yourself x

Here it is - www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/912833-Miserable-and-regretting-having-2nd-child

I just typed in 'miserable and regretting' and this was what came up!

Hope it helps.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/parenting/912833-Miserable-and-regretting-having-2nd-child

Oh I remember it well. It's so very very hard, you can't nap when the baby naps, and you have double the washing, need to give double the attention, whilst trying to ease the jealousy of the. Older one.

It does get easier. Somehow it becomes the new normal and you start to cope. I found it helped if I went to bed at the same time as my eldest, giving me about 12 hours in bed. I co-slept with number 2 which minimised night time wakings, although I still vividly remember changing newborn nappies at 3am whilst my DH snored away and I just wanted to stab him!

Now mine are almost 5 and almost 2 and starting to properly play together. DS1 tolerates his brother and DS2 hero worships the older one. There have been months when I thought I would go mad, or strangle one of them, or jump off a tall building. There have been months when I couldn't imagine it any other way and I want 3 or 4 more babies. It is worth it. It was not easy but it is worth it.

Get what respite you can, use extended family and friends for babysitting whilst you sleep or shop or whatever. Sod the housework and live in your pjs. If you get through the next couple of months you have won the war.

HI 2811 , I totally relate to how you are feeling, i could have written that post myself a few weeks ago...
I have DC1 ,2 and a half then a 15 week old. I felt the same, like I wasn't cut out for 2 kids and that my toddler was playing up, that I was being snappy with him and combined with the 2 hours sleep at a time I actually felt like I was going crazy. Sleep deprivation makes you feel like a totally different person and I thought am I ever going to get through this... Well now here I am almost ten weeks later and totally in the swing of things...

Toddler has settled and loves his new sibling, very affectionate
Baby is now sleeping approx 3-4 hours at a time during night , so yes I'm still very tired but thats a world of difference to only getting 2 hours at a time
I have found that I'm getting into my own little routine , my partners back at work working very long hours (out the house at 6am , back after 7pm) so basically I do everything but I'm getting along fine.
At first I was bathing my baby first but this was a nightmare as toddler was still running round wanting to help,stepping near baby etc so I found through switching him to be bathed and into bed first then i could relax and deal with little one in peace and quiet and bedtimes became a lot more enjoyable. Its just one big learning curve going from one child to two...
I'm sure its also to do with pregnancy hormones leaving the body around the 6 week point and I think my system was just sleep deprived, hormone levels all over the place and first few weeks on my own after partner going back to work after paternity leave ... but you will get there... It definitely gets better and you will begin to enjoy it xxx

In the early days I used tv a lot. Probably more than I should but it did save my sanity. It is really hard.

2811 completely understand where you are coming from. Ds2 is 6mo and Ds1 2.6 and I've been in pieces today. Actually everything was fine until the last few weeks where I expected everything to get better (things really did lift when Ds1 was 6mo) and they haven't yet.

Whatnamenext thank you for linking to your own thread. It is great to hear things do improve. My rational brain knows this and says all the things yours did (particularly about how lucky we are) but the irrational bit is sad sad sad. Have the HV coming out in a few weeks but will see if I can get to the GP sooner.

It's so so different dealing with children as opposed to toddlers/babies.

I can still remember how cripplingly low I felt. It was the most awful joyless experience I can ever remember.

I wouldn't wish it in my worse enemy.

It was strange reading it back though, but the advice still seems relevant and helpful (I hope!).

Oh god I really remember counting dine the days until it was supposed to get better...

Oh he's 12 weeks, he should sleep more
Oh nearly time to wean
Should be crawling soon
Oh he should be walking then it'll be better....

Do absolutely anything you can to get an afternoon snooze with both your dc's. I co slept or put the t.v on if they didn't both sleep in their cots at the same time, and I had many near hysterical afternoons trying to get them to both sleep at the same time! After lunch the 3 of us would often have a cuddle on my bed so a 3 way co-sleep.
Also eat well and often. I ate a lot of sugary junk food and my blood sugar levels were a mess. We used to go out for morning toddler groups and I'd be practically hysterical with hunger by the time we got home - always have decent snacks in your bag and buggy!

Keep it basic, focus on a vague and simple routine, give yourselves time. It's a big learning curve for all of you and you only gave birth a few weeks ago.

Yy to doing the basics to keep afloat. Whatever gets you through.

This too shall pass

I went through the same at first, my ds1 was a bad sleeper since 18 months old so it didnt really effect him when ds2 came along but it was exhausting for me i was up with both of them, i was getting about 5 hours a night in all but broken, i would get both asleep by 8, get a fe jobs done or watch tv in peace, grab a couple of hours hten be back up at 12 with ds1 he would eventually go back to sleep about 4am, ds2 would also wake up at some point during that 4 hours if i was lucky they would both be asleep by 4 and id get about another 3 or 4 hours but usually ds1 would only sleep for 3 or 4 hours at a time.

I was like a zombie through the day i wouldnt leave the house due to temper tantrums of ds1 and was too hard with a new born in the pram and dealing with it was too worrie about letting go of the pram etc. Im just lucky i got loads of support of my local childrens centre i used to get family support of them, they helped me loads. Got ds1 a tempoary crisis place at their in house nursery just 10 hours a week but unfortunately because wasnt on benefits i couldnt keep him their after the time was up, so i was back to square 1.

My OH tried his best but bit hard when leaving house 7am and not home until nearly 5, he would help with tea time and bath time and settling at bed but hes already missed most the tantrums and the constant up and down like a yoyo, he would gt up a bit in the night but it was doing him no good wit his job going like a zombie.

Try not to beat yourself up about it i know its a cliche but it does get easier, just try and get yourself into a good routine and try find some good groups to go to so your not stuck in, it will send you mad like it sent me mad, i cried nearly every day and would fly off the handle at the slightest thing. Ive since had 2 more and i can tell you its not been nearly as hard maybe because im used to juggling family life now and all the sleepless nights etc.

Also if your kids have naps (say if because my ds never did from about 1 and1/2) then try grab a couple hours then, thats what ive always been told but i never have because mine like een akward and either dont sleep or slep at different times lol

It definitely gets easier, it is still full on with 2 little ones but think it takes a good couple of months to get into the swing of it and for dc1 to get used (and maybe even help out) with baby. Be easy on yourself and don't be afraid to ask for help, there will always be ups and downs but generally keep in mind that it will only really get easier from here. Sleep deprivation is evil and post pregnancy hormones don't help but as baby gets bigger and starts sleeping for longer you will begin to feel normal again.

It definitely gets easier, it is still full on with 2 little ones but think it takes a good couple of months to get into the swing of it and for dc1 to get used (and maybe even help out) with baby. Be easy on yourself and don't be afraid to ask for help, there will always be ups and downs but generally keep in mind that it will only really get easier from here. Sleep deprivation is evil and post pregnancy hormones don't help but as baby gets bigger and starts sleeping for longer you will begin to feel normal again.

Thanks so much for all your advice - it's nice to know that there are others in the same boat and that it will get better!