Did you regret having a forth?

[princesspants]

As the title suggests, i'm toying with the idea.

I did hemorrhage after number 3 so this is putting me off but that aside (I will discuss with a Doctor if I take this more seriously than just a thought) I was just wondering if a 3-4 jump is the straw that broke the camels back or just a bit more of the same with a bit more washing!

Love to hear experiences, good and bad!

We call DC4 our luxury extra - completely unnecessary, probably unjustifiable, but lovely to have.

I did regret having four children once. DC2 had just sat the 11+, and it dawned on me that if we'd stopped at 2 we'd never go through that stress again!

Honestly, I love having four.... but we did have an empty bedroom. Which felt wrong. Actually, nearly 7 years down the line it's still a junk room office - but we know that we can let the children have their own bedrooms.

I have an empty bedroom too Jeez - I know what you mean with that! It does come in handy a lot. Visitors, babysitting family and when DH has man flu but it just seems - wrong!

Jumping from 3-4 in my opinion was the easiest, dont get me wrong it is tireing but because the age gap between her and her sister was only a year and a week i was still in baby mode. I still had all the equptment and clothes etc so was also the cheapest pregnancy, all i had to buy was a double buggy and and a few extras as a luxury but tbh i could of done without. Oh and a cot i had to buy but got a second hand 1 just replaced matress, but didnt need this until she was over 4 months.

I can also understand your worrying about heamorraging (sp?) I did with my eldest the birth and labour was horrendous and was obviously worried for the second but all went smoothly, my 3rd was my easiest and fastest birth. The 4th was quite hard and lost alot of blood but nowhere near as bad as the first. I dont think you can predict it happening its just one of those things, my sister has heamorraged after her 3rd and had to go theatre

Thanks tiamaria.
I think it's because I was told the older you get and the more children you have, the fast labour followed by the hemorrhage (which was my issue) is more likely.
It's to do with the tone of your womb. It's looses more tone with each child and with age. So after the baby is born the womb doesn't contract enough to go back down and shut off the valves hence the blood just pouring out.

I am 37 so would be 38 by the time I had my forth. Putting myself at great risk of hemorrhage. Hmmm, even typing that makes it sound mad to even think about it!!

Ahh i see i dont know ive never had it explained to me why it happens. Im sure though if you talk it over with a midwife or doctor before hand they would be able to work through the best care plan for you. I never realised at first heamorraging was so common, was surprised when telling birth stories how many others said oh that happened to me.

If having another is really what you want then go for it, it may not even happen :)

My fourth is just lovely. I've loved having her. Can get my head round that she was ever a 'maybe'.

Btw - I'm also prone to haemorage . The worst was #2. With #4 the midwife was totally primed for the risk - she had me jabbed and was massaging my womb down almost before she'd cut the cord! Effective & prompt treatment was more of a factor than the number baby it was.

My actual birth for number 4 was the easiest. Failed induction resulting in emergency c section for dc1 then 2 elective cs for breech. Dc4 was an unplanned home delivery woke with back ache at 36+6 went to make a cup of tea at 6am and as stood in the kitchen she arrived!!!

Family life has been much more difficult I'm now a line parent although xh does have them every other weekend and 1 evening in the week. But ultimately number 4 ended our marriage. Xh believed I stopped taking contraception to fall pregnant. I didn't! In fact I didn't want dc4 but felt as I was then pregnant we both had stable careers, good family life and plenty of spare cash/room that there wasn't a reason to terminate. He was adamant that I choose and I made it clear that just because I was going ahead with a pregnancy didn'twan I wasn't choosing him just that I couldn't justify a termination and couldn't live with myself if I had.

It really depends on how it will work for your family

DC4 is 3 and it is only now that having 4DC works for us as family. It has been hard going, DC4 was a surprise and neither me nor DP wanted a fourth and it had a very negative impact upon our relationship. I feel I need to clarify that it was a fourth child that was the problem, not DC4 who is very much loved and adored by us all.

If it is something that you both really want, are ready to go back to the baby stage as well as maintain the attention that older children need, are prepared to take another career break etc, are ready to have to work even harder to just maintain a realtionship with your DH/DP as IME its the time as a couple that gets put to the bottom of the list then it is lovely to have a baby again. I was breast feeding youngest and getting oldest ready for GCSE's and it was a very stressful time. And it's sobering to think that I'll be doing the exams, uni etc 3 more times in the next 17 years and my oldest could well be a parent themselves by then!

But I wouldn't be without DC4 for the world now.

Yes I forgot to say that as thought it was obvious but wouldn't be without dc4 (dd2) she's a lovely child in many ways the easiest of them all. I have quite big age gaps though 16, 11(12 in a couple of weeks), 7 and 4.

Four is a LOT when you end up with three of them at Uni at the same time . It's bloody expensive! Yes they can get loans and jobs but it is much, much better if you can help them out to some extent.

Ditto the teenage years. Hand me downs etc don't work so well with teens. I am not talking about fancy clothing or holidays but basic stuff like food. Teens eat more than adults on my experience.

We love travelling but taking six adults (that don't fit in one car/taxi etc) abroad is really expensive. It's not an essential but it's what we like to do.

...and don't get me started on family tickets

Dontletthem Wow - what a prick. If he'd felt that strongly about it, why didn't he organise a vasectomy?

I'll happily oblige with these rusty garden shears

He's had one now!!!! But a bit late. He was supposed to have had one after dc3 but he chickened out. I actually had a copper coil and wasn't on the pill.

Im with procrast on this one Dontletthem! What a prick indeed!

frankfurt do you think it would be much cheaper with 3?
My DH thinks im on another planet when I say I don't think one more will make that much difference now - and I probably am !

We drive a van now, we have a 5 bed house sucking us dry every month and a family holiday deal is now out of the question.

Do you think a forth still costs way more?

Buckbuck Again, did you and DH have much time together with 3 or is the jump to 4 much worse?
Maybe now he/she is 3 it will ease up as you seem to be saying.

I have never been out of the bit as such as by the time each child is blowing out their 2nd birthday candles im a month gone!
Number 3 is 16 months so that time is looming close lol!

Princess, I have age gaps very similar to dontletthemgetyoudown so a lot of the time there is no "switch off" time at bedtime as the oldest is up until we go to bed.

Yours all sound close together and I have since said we could've had no5 too as we were so thick in the middle of babyhood again that another one would not have made that much of a difference.

I think the fact that we were well out of the baby stage, all dc in school, fairly independent in terms of dressing, getting up in the morning etc that it felt like a big step backwards.

But now 3years old has been reached life is feeling 'normal' again and Dc4 rules our roost and none of us would change it :-)

And a big Grrrr for dontletthem!!!!

Never and number 4 was 4/5 (twins). Best thing I ever did

I do think Number 4 adds to the cost but it depends on your lifestyle. It's really not an issue when they are little but it's more scary at teen/Uni age.

Kids can and do manage with no parental help but maybe it's worth concentrating your money on fewer kids?

The car issue isn't relevant if you don't have a car or stay close to home but, if you are like us and like to travel it is a pain in the butt trying to get around sometimes. Our family motto is 'Divide and Conquer'

It's impossible to quantify the additional cost but each time a kid has left to go to Uni I have been stunned at what a difference it makes to everything - cleaning, washing, food, noise, access to bathrooms etc etc. I am down to having one at home now and it's so easy. I feel like I am on holiday.

mary1972 OMG!! I hadn't thought of that, eek. I do think 5 kids would make going anywhere impossible. Forget holidays, am I right?

Frankfurt You make a good point. I have no concept of what they will cost when they are older and at Uni. We are comfortable just now but not well off. We also spend what we have and are not savers at all so that might be tough later. Hmmm

We had the 4/5th after a 10 year gap and I was glad it was two so not like an only child at end of the family (and I always wanted 7 or 5 so it was perfect although not for everyone of course). We had to get two rear facing seats in the back of the Volvo for the rare times all 7 of us went by car.

Sounds lovely but not for us. My kids are now approaching University and I have enough funds to be able to help them through. With 4 kids that wouldn't have been possible.
We have also had lots of lovely foreign trips, we continue to have great trips abroad- we have to pay adult prices after the age of 12.

Absolutely not! But then DD3 was very much waited and longed for and her arrival was like a miracle after 6 years of infertility.