Perfect Mummy/Crap Mummy

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Whats your definition of a great mum??

If I'm completely honest, a perfect mum is a sixties stepford-wife caricature with a good dose of Mary Poppins and Sound of Music thrown in for good measure. Always smiling, everything calm and lovely, lots of yummy homemade treats, always ready to play and bring out the best in all of her children, completely self-denying and uncomplaining.

Of course, I realise that a) she doesn't exist except in the fervoured minds of journalists and b) the situation described would probably be bad for the kids as well as the woman... but hey

Do you think there are mums out there though that are almost like this, and how the hell do they do it??

Equally - how do you define a crap mummy!??

I don't know - I think some people are better at putting on a "I'm coping well" front on than others. Equally there are people who find they can do kid stuff more easily, or who get more enjoyment out of it. I think some of it is down to inate preference over the activities you enjoy (I have certainly found motherhood much more fun now I focus on the stuff that I do enjoy doing with the kids - board games, tickling games, reading etc - rather than the stuff I loathe - mainly art & craft activities, crawling around on the floor with cars or action men).

Crap mummy? Someone who doesn't give a toss about how they're doing as a parent, ignore the kid for most of the day unless it's to yell at them, hit them or abuse them. I.e. fairly far along the scale of abuse and neglect, tbh.

perfect mummy exists only in the eyes of her children!

I think I'm a good enough mummy. I don't think there's any such thing as the perfect mummy but, at the risk of sounding sentimental, I do think that as far as our children are concerned we are their idea of perfection, mostly. And I think there aren't that many crap mummys, there are women struggling with difficult circumstances (poverty, domestic violence, disease, drug addiction). Good, sorry, very PC sounding answer there but it's not as simple as perfect mummy/crap mummy aimo.

WWW - very eloquenlty put!

Someone said recently that Mothers who go back to work full or part time, are no good mothers! i was thinking of going back to work part time but this lady said women who have kids should stay at home with them, or dont bother having kids at all!!! Although i like to think i respect other peoples opinions this one kind of stick with you doesnt it? as im sure this has been done to death for years and years, its always an issue! my dp thinks i should get off my ass and get to work but if i do i not only stand to get similar comments as above, but i also have my own guilt to bargain with and thats not to mention that financially we would be no better off as a result! My kids are 5,3, and 10 months, and i would much prefer to devote all my time and efforts to them rather than a job out of the house where i dont see them as much! My mum thinks im a good mum because i saty at home, dp's mum thinks im not that great because i dont work - so i effectively sponge off dp! How the hell do you define yourself as a good mum or a not so good mummy if your family (and society i suppose) judges you in so many conflicting ways?????

Thinking about the people who I think are fantastic mothers, one thing they all have in common (that I strive for and fail) is to always remain in control - i.e. when the child has a tantrum, they deal with it in a measured way, they don't just 'react' like I do. Obviously I don't see them in private, but I would love to be like that, rather than getting wound up by whinging etc. But I guess by nature we are emotionally entangled with the children!

Great mums look after their own needs and the needs of their kids

As long as you do this you are a great mum - and there are myriad different ways it can be achieved.

I dont mean as quite so black and white as that WWW, its not just other mums but how you feel as a mum yourself? do you feel like a good mummy, a great mummy, or a sometimes not so great mummy? The other night i got really busy with dd as she got overtired and i had to get her to bed and so in the fuss of things i forgot to reward ds1 for eating all his tea up, and i never remembered until the next morning, and i felt so bad, and i also forgot to take his school book bag back to school for 3 weeks running and i told ds2 off recently for putting paper all over the floor when really he was trying to make dd laugh, but i didnt give him much chance to explain that much! and im crap at keeping up with sticker charts when i did take ds1's book bag in i kinda got a very dissaproving look from his teacher, and i felt like such a crappy mummy! - these are my mummy sins am i beyond help!??

You sound pretty normal to me

Well for me and my kiddies, I am, for 3wks a month, their perfect mummy! The other week I am most definately NOT.

I think, in all fairness,(and like someone else has already said), to our children we ARE perfect. Even the ones who spend their time screaming and swearing at their kiddies.....to their kiddies they still are perfect because, sad to say, they don't know any different.

Altho, at times, I claim to be the perfect mum, tis just that I got the wrong kiddies.

In all honesty tho......there is no perfect mum, just 'the best that you can be' mum. And it is always easier when they are happy and you are also happy.
Get me on a bad day, the girlies on a hormonal day and the boys on a 'run mummy ragged' day, and this house (and me) would definately qualify for the psycho award.