DH is having big problems changing DS (8 months) because he's crying, wriggling and twisting so much when his nappy is off. He doesn't do this with me. Having watched what's going on I feel that DS is reacting to DH's disability. DH has HFA and dyspraxia. So nappy changing takes him longer and requires a lot of concentration. This means that his communication with DS dries up as he can't cope with 2 difficult tasks at the same time. Naturally DS gets upset because Daddy is doing 'Still Face'. DH tries his best and tries to talk to him but it just becomes a stuck record of the same phrase over and over again, so he's talking but still not actually engaging with DS.
DH has floated the idea of using a harness so DS can't twist out of his grasp when changing. This would solve the immediate problem and stop the downward spiral of upset baby=upset Daddy=more upset baby=more upset Daddy. But it doesn't feel right to restrain the baby when his actions are because he's distressed, it's treating the symptom not the problem. But then there's not a lot we can do about the problem as it's part of DH's disability.
What do you think, should we go ahead and use a harness? It's only at changing times that this problem arises.