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Parenting

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Original poster

Baby no3 due...but mum off on hols! Am i being selfish

10 replies

bakingbuns · 23/12/2013 11:49

I've got 2 kids, 1 who's 6, 2nd just turned 1! Baby no 3 is due in May.
We had my mum over for dinner this wknd and she proudly announced that she will be going away to Paris the week I'm due with her friend, who's never been married and has no family....chuckling she said her friend said my mum has her own life and shouldnt worry! I wouldn't mind...but the week I'm due is half term which means we had already asked her to help out. She also booked to go away last year when I was due, with the same friend...she did cancel it in the end so was around to help with my eldest.
Am I being selfish for wanting my mum to be here just incase? We live about 40 mins away from nearest hospital and I'm classed as high risk so naturally very nervous about birth and possible complications. I have no other family around for miles and my husband works about an hour away and had very little holiday.
I'm terrified of being alone and not being able to get to hosp in time and someone to watch kiddies.
Help!

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crazykat · 23/12/2013 12:04

You're not unreasonable to want your mum to be there just incase but it would be unreasonable to expect her to cancel her holiday. It's very thoughtless of her friend to ask your mum on holiday when you're due.

If you're high risk I assume you have a consultant so would they induce you early especially as you're a distance from the hospital? I'm not suggesting you ask to be induced to fit with your mums plans but I had gestational diabetes with my last dc which classed me as high risk and I was induced a week early.

crazykat · 23/12/2013 12:06

If your mum does go away is there another family member who could house sit for your mum and help with the kids if you need it? Not ideal but its an option.

prettywhiteguitar · 23/12/2013 13:30

I'm surprised she has booked it really, doesn't matter what her friend thinks she's still done it.

To be fair the last person I would want around is my mum but if you're close that is quite hurtful.

Is there anything else going on? Does she think you're relying on her too much ?

I'd be pissed off but I'm not sure you should really say anything, just quietly seethe and then let it slide.

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rootypig · 23/12/2013 13:32

Once is unfortunate, OP, twice is careless. Perhaps she is booking when you're due for a reason?

You say 'we' but you don't mention a partner. Do you have one?

rootypig · 23/12/2013 13:35

Ah, sorry - missed the bit about DH. You need to have a talk with your mum, I think, so that she knows how much she's needed - but ultimately YABU for expecting someone other than your DH to pick up so much slack.

prettywhiteguitar · 23/12/2013 13:40

Not really rootypig is it unreasonable to ask some someone to look after your dc for a night while your in labour ?

I don't think so, especially your mum !

specialsubject · 23/12/2013 18:20

not clear why this is all your mum's problem. Your decision to have the children, you need to make arrangements to look after them.

rootypig · 23/12/2013 19:08

I get the sense from the OP that if her mother were on this thread she 'd raise an eyebrow at 'one night', pwg.

The OP has a partner. I find the entire post pretty unbalanced, in that sense. They need to work something out together.

TheGreatHunt · 23/12/2013 20:06

The OP had already asked her mum to help out. Now she's going away?!

The stuff about sorting something with the DH is irrelevant - she had plans and now the mum is swanning off.

Rude.

Original poster

bakingbuns · 24/12/2013 15:06

Thank you for all your opinions.
I suppose I just felt if it were me I wouldn't dream of leaving the country if any of my family were in hospital or needed me, but that's just me, I'd view it that there are another 51 weeks in the year to go away.

I did discuss it with my mum briefly and she simply said of course she wants to be around but just 'didn't think' as (her meddling old friend was eager to book it.) Personally I think her friend is a bit jealous that my mum has family and grandkids, and I've definitely noticed my mums been more distant since they've been friends.... mum even rings her to 'check in with her' when coming to stay as she doesn't want her to feel neglected...weird I know. Me and my mum have always been close and able to rely on one another in times of need despite not living in each others pockets... I hope my mum hasn't felt to depended on, we only see her once or twice a month...tho she adores the kids and would of normally relished in being here with them.

Normally my husband would watch the kids of course...if it were the hairdressers or shops I were nipping to...but somehow I think he wont want to miss the birth of his child...LOL...he enjoyed it more than me last time and, not being squeamish like me, said it was the most amazing thing he'd ever seen!! I had to stop him filming it, ....think the crazy excitable guy out of "Nine Months".

My main concern though was as we literally live in the sticks in Shropshire getting to the hosp on time while waiting for a sitter etc to arrive...scared as its no3 it may drop out in the car on the way! lol!! Or next doors Vet will end up delivering me in the barn....ooh what a thought.

Cheers guys.x

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