Bloody hate dummies but dd is driving me to distraction- talk me down!

[littlecloud]

Dd is dc3, I hate dummies & both my boys never had a dummy. I just don't like them for many reasons. But dd well she's something else.
She hates the car Fgs? Cries her little heart out on most journeys. Won't be put down for more than 10 minutes, won't sit in the pushchair. She lives in a sling, & co sleeps. If she isn't in the sling or being fed or held by me she'll whinge. She's only a month old but then it's were such chilled babies and she is not! A dummy is looking very tempting right now but I don't want to go there!! Please tell me she will chill out?

As mum to one ex dummy user and one thumb sucker my take on it is you can take a dummy away when they're ready.........not so easy with taking a thumb away!

I used one for ds2. Just a handful of times wjen he really needed extra comfort. I think when he was u der 3 months. Then weaned him off it quite quickly

Didn't need one with DD1, a calm child. DD2 was a different sort altogether - fussy, wriggly, on the go from morn to night, a nightmare in the car wriggling, straining, whingeing. I was happy to entertain and soothe most of the time but it was just impossible all the time, eg when driving to collect DD1 from school.

My mother suggested a dummy and I tried it despite having misgivings but it helped so much I never looked back. At last some longer stretches of sleep, as when not actually hungry she very quickly learned to find it in the night and pop it back in by herself and settle again.

When she got older (2 ish) I had a rule 'only in your bedroom' which worked well on a couple of levels as a) she didn't walk around with it all the time and b) sometimes she chose to go into her room and amuse herself for a while in bed with books or pottering. She seemed to need that calming-down, self soothing time.

Invaluable when ill, too - some children are just very sucky and a little bit fretful and it can help them to sleep a little better when poorly.

She gave it up rather later than some I must say - she loved her dummies so much she would sleep with one in her hand and one lodged under her nose, as well as the one in her mouth (aargh!) She's grown-up now and just as lovely as her non-dummied sister

Try it and see if it helps, perhaps. And remember the 'only in your bedroom' thing when she's old enough to understand that.

Why are people so anti-dummy? I'm just wondering because ideally I never wanted to use a dummy but after everyone telling me my DD was a "very sucky baby" we got her one and we wouldn't survive without it! She only ever has it for naps and bedtime, I don't see how they can be so evil

My mum who usually manages to be quite non-intentionally critical of my parenting choices says a soother is a babys first toy.

DS1 had one and it was fantastic, DS2 and DD weren't fussed.

DS1 stopped having it on his first birthday. We had two upset settling for the night nights and that was it. He had it for sleep in his cot and in the car. Not out and about and not in the pushchair on his midday nap.

I don't think they are evil, i just don't like the look of them really. Especially in the mouth of a toddler. They are a very western thing and babies really don't need them. But I can't hold, feed & sling dd constantly like I have been doing especially with two other children to care for & tidy up after. But i'm going to get a couple today & like others said I can take it away at anytime or she may give it up in a few months. No doubt it will change her temperament no end. And i may be able to actually get some washing put away! It's the only job that I find tricky when she's in a sling. And the talk down comment was obviously a joke - just clearly at my whits end!

None of mine had dummies because I hated them. Did try with DC1 but she spat it out each time I tried and I was pleased to be honest.

Looking back, I'd probably have been a bit less stressed out some of the time if the younger 3 had had them.

I won't be having more, but if I did have another DC it would have a dummy.

Wish DC3 had had a dummy - she's 6 now and sucks her thumb so much that her teeth have grown into the shape of her thumb. No amount of reasoning will make her stop.

At least with a dummy, you can get rid of it when they're 3 or so, or earlier if you want to, I know people who's DCs have had to leave it for the tooth fairy/dummy fairy, or leave it out for Santa so that he knows they need big toys and not baby toys.

If it settles your baby, and in turn means you get a little let up from the crying, there is surely no harm being done.

I think if you set some rules for their use then there is nothing wrong with them. Ds2 was like your dd- dear god he was a nightmare. He used to get sooo much comfort from his dummy I would have felt cruel not to let him have one. As he got to be an older baby I made sure I took it off him as soon as he was happy, he also only ever had it for sleep including in the car if needed or if he was crying. He got used to handing it to me when he woke up or if he'd stopped crying.

I HATE see babies toddling round with a dummy in and when they're perfectly happy playing. That's when it seems out if place. The worst thing is when they try to talk with it in - I always want to shake the parents and tell them to take the damn dummy off the baby so it has some chance of being understood!

My DD tries to talk to me whilst she's sucking her thumb if she's really tired. Drives me mad!

Agree with Curly - have some boundaries, and if you stick with them I think dummies can lead to a calmer life all round!

When ds1 was born, he was such a crying, unsettled baby that the midwife in the maternity unit, (coincidentally the local nct breastfeeding counsellor) was the first to suggest he might be much happier and more settled with a dummy. She was right!

If your dd is still unsettled after the Christmas break, maybe you could consider cranial osteopathy for babies? We only tried with dc3 as I was a bit meh, but it was fantastic. Really helped her to settle, and she never really bothered with a dummy afterwards as she didn't seem to need it.

I hate dummies too! I think they look common . No child of mine would have one etc etc. but then along comes DS2 who just would not sleep and we cracked. It really settles him and saved our sanity and possibly our marriage and now I think how silly I was, it's a dummy, not a bottle of gin. We do try and limit it to nap and sleep times though and I can't see how this would affect speech as DS1 has his fingers for sleep..... I would recommend you get the dummy string/clip as they can be a bit pricey if they keep falling out and getting lost when out and about.

Genuine question: why are people anti-dummy? If it soothes the baby, why deny them that? And unlike a thumb, you can control when it is used.

I was determind to not give any child of mine a dummy. Then I had a baby who sounds exactly like your dd, OP. My mum just went and bought one when dd was 3 weeks and begged me to give it a try.

It was blooming fantastic. . Dd got a lot of comfort from it and it meant she wasn't grizzly all the time. Give it a go.

" He is now 9 and no less smart than his brothers!" Well obviously, it's a dummy, not liquid mercury.

I genuinely don't get the anti-dummy thing at all. Imagine you're a tiny helpless baby and nobody will give you something that will soothe and calm you.

It's a lot of snobbery I think. We don't all trail our dummy-loving kids round Primark with a Greggs sausage roll and a Fruit Shoot you know.

I wasn't keen on dummies. Both mine have been utter Velcro babies. Tried a dummy with both. Failed miserably.

It's worth a go OP. May not even work but at least you'll have tried.

It's worth a go. Personally I think you should do what you can just to get through each day, but that was my parenting motto generally

I don't get the anti dummy thing either. Babies soothe themselves by sucking, let them suck, it's no biggie unless you let them chomp away on them for years on end.