how long did you stay when dc started nursery

[jessikaka]

my ds 3yrs is due to start nursery in Jan. we have visited twice but only for 40 mins each time during general play time.

I have told him after xmas he will go there and I will go home but come back to get him after a few hours. he has got quite anxious about being left. so I modified things and told him I would stay with him till he was happy to be left.

I haven't discussed how long I will stay with the nursery yet so not sure what they allow. it is a nursery class in a school.

do you think it would be ok for me to stay for the whole of the first few sessions till he felt happy or do you think they will want me to leave? what have others done?

tia

No, it is not in the best interest of your ds for you to prolong this.
You also shouldn't have made a promise you may not be able to keep.

Nursery teachers are usually very strict about this. Overstaying parents make it very difficult for ALL children in the class.

I'm sure the teachers may try to accommodate you for a short time on the first day but I would question why if they allowed you the full session [hmmm]

I can promise you though that if you are strong for your ds, he will settle quicker.

!!

We were offered similar and suspect you may not be given the luxury of staying particularly as its mid year with many children having started in September. The school will be used to dealing with nervous children and your child will definitely reflect your feelings, so however you feel keep a big cheery smile until you are out of sight. We found giving a business card to my child stressing how he needed to keep this safe until I collected him at lunchtime gave him something to focus on and provided the reassurance of when I would be back helped. Good luck

It really depends on the school. Ours encourage you to sty until they're completely settled (in fact they overdo it in my view).

Will you have chance to ask the nursery before he starts in Jan?

I would leave off talking about it in terms of leaving him for a bit - instead talk about all the great stuff they do at nursery. If you can find out what the settling in process is before he goes then you can be very honest with him about what will happen. We used to use the mantra - 'mummies always come back' to help.

Ours have a no settling policy. Just turn up on the day, 10-20 mins and go

some of the other parents with children there give me the impression tat they stayed a bit. I will try and find out what the policy is when he starts in Jan.

I was just hoping that some people stayed for the whole session so that what I want to do wouldn't seem so odd!

He has speech and language issues and can't easily be understood by those outside the family and I think he is anxious about that as well.

I've told him also that if he really doesn't like it he doesn't have to go! Maybe I shouldn't have but I really don't want to upset him and force him to do something if he doesn't like it when it's not yet compulsory.

Is your son ready to start nursery? Does he want to go?

We felt our eldest was not ready to start at just turned 3 so held him back for 9 months, when the next school term arrived. Youngest is due to start nursery school after Christmas but again won't be starting until next September. Do what feels right for you both, it may be that you are not ready, but he is?

DS nursery did a visit for about an hour with parents, then a visit where you stay for a bit to settle them then go to the parents' room for an hour so you're on hand if they need you, then they visit on their own for an hour or two. If children struggle then they can do more short visits I think, but DS was fine so after the 2nd visit he just went full time.

Everywhere has different policies but IMO staying is not helpful. it can distress other children who can't understand why you can stay but their mum can't (and although that doesnt affect you now of nursery always allow parents to stay it could be your D's in a term or two). its better to start as you mean to go on, with a short settling period and maybe reduced length sessions to reinforce that you will come back.

I am a bit suspicious if they will not let you stay till your kid is ready.
I was expected to stay for the first 12 sessions which was three weeks. When I did leave after this my ds was settled, and loves school so even though I thought it excessive it has turned out for the best.
He was 3.8 when he started.
So bollocks to this, it does them harm for you to stay....it might be harmful to the convenience of the nursery but not the child. Ask them if you can stay the first weeks least, if your child needs it.

I told ds2 I would do 3 puzzles with him and then go. The teachers were aware of this and it made it very easy for them, him and me. He settled very quickly

I think if you stay too long it indicates your reluctance to your child and implies there's something to be anxious about. Ds's nursery do a home visit first so ds got to meet his key worker in his own environment first. When I dropped him off she came to meet him straight away and I just said "have a lovely time, I'll be back to pick you up really soon!" And off I went. He settled very quickly.

Oh and the expectation was that I didn't hang around for long.

It really does depend on the school unfortunately. But they should bear in mind that good practise in the Early Years should allow a child a settling in period appropriate to their needs, and if that means you staying for a few sessions they should really accommodate that. I teach Reception at the moment and have taught Nursery, and I am happy to say that we would always allow a parent to stay if their child was distressed. We try to work on an individual basis according to what is best for each child. There is a big difference however between a child who cries for a short period and is then easily distracted and starts to have fun, and a child who is sad and upset for the majority of the session and who doesn't seem to snap out of it. You may have to play it by ear to see which your son is, and then work with the nursery to set up a suitable settling in programme.

I disagree with uptheanty that it isn't in your DS' interest to prolong this- our DD wasn't well and I deliverately chose a nursery where I'd be able to read a book in a corner for as long as was needed. I felt much happier that she at least knew the teachers she was being left with (as did I) as personally hated the fear of being left as a child and I withdrew. She quickly learnt to love nursery in a way I never did.
Our DS will cope better I think so I haven't even asked what the settling policy is where he'll be and will probably have to just drop him cheerfully and leave. But I strongly believe that emotional happiness at this age is the most important thing and certain children are ready while others might need support.
You could ask him to look after £1 for you until you come back in case brings comfort

I wouldn't send a child into nursery with money in case someone swallowed it. The same idea could work with a little keyring (can attach to belt loop) or ds had passport photos of me which i put kisses in for the day in the morning.