3yr old hitting 8 month old baby brother

[rach1]

Our three yr old daughter hits our eight month old every now and again - once a week it seems over the past 6 weeks or so - usually when she is tired and he steals her barbie doll etc!
we abhor hitting. we put her in time out for 3-5 mins and explain firmly this is very bad and daddy doesnt hit and mummy doesnt hit and neither must she.

...but this has happened 4 or 5 times now.
I'd be interested to know if you think its possible to actually stop the hitting completely ie should we be making more of a deal of this with her (20 min timeouts/very strong disapproval)

Well I am sorry if this sounds a bit flippant, but your three year old has only hitthe baby 4 or 5 times, it's more like that in a day here!! I can't offer any useful help or advice, it is something they may or may not grow out of!! I remember as a child fighting like cats and dogs with my brothers!

Anyway I would suggest keep doing what you are doing, I wouldn't make a huge deal of it, I honestly think you are expecting a bit too much, particularly if the baby has just nabbed the barbie doll. Imagine if someone just took your favourite thing or stole your handbag, wouldn't you lash out? That is what it is like for your daughter at the moment, she is still little and unsure if she'll get the doll back, and also if she's tired then all good intentions fly out the window. I know I can be a right stroppy madam and snap if I'm tired. Put yourself in her shoes and stop worrying. I would only be concerned if she is hitting so hard as to draw blood or knock the baby flying (actually on second thoughts that also happens daily in our house, I obviously cannot control my kids!!)

Must echo Crunchies thoughts too. My 3 year old is constantly having a go at his 1 yr old brother. We too use time out and a strong telling off when its particularly bad (he did go through a couple of days of biting that I put a quick stop too). If its only a once a week thing then I wouldn't worry (its a daily occurrence in this house too). I'm hoping he'll grow out of it eventually or when the younger one is a bit older they can play together, probably wishful thinking though.

Hi rach1

I agree with Crunchie and Maia, hitting and "sibling rivalry" is pretty much inevitable! Not to make light of the hitting, which of course is not acceptable, you really should be glad it is not worse (like biting and pulling hair!) One thing I was told when expecting no 2 was to make sure not to be too over-protective of the baby as it makes the toddler or older child resent them, and I really think that's true.

It sounds like you are already doing the right things with time out etc, but be careful you don't give her too much attention (albeit negative attention!) for this behaviour or you may end up with more of it! When it happens, give your ds plenty of attention/comfort first, before you take dd aside and explain that she hurt her brother, also that you know she is usually such a good big sister...then ask her to show you how she can be gentle with ds, stroking his hair, holding his hand etc, and praise her up big-time. Then if she hits again within say an hour, tell her she is still hurting her brother and she has to go to time-out. (Btw I think 3-5 mins is plenty for a 3 yr old, 20 mins is way too long, she will have forgotten why she is there by the end of it!)

Also try to notice times when she is playing well alongside her brother, or sharing with him - even if such moments are rare! - and praise her for playing nicely, being gentle etc. You may of course already be doing this! Lastly make sure she understands it is the hitting which is bad and not her, ie you still love her but you don't like her behaviour...again this may be something you already do...sounds like you are all doing pretty well really!

thanks v much for your advice.
you are all right, of course!