not enjoying being a mum

[drjoneshat]

Hi I don't know if anybody else feels like this but my baby is nearly 10 weeks old, and I'm just not getting to grips with him. I just feel I can't cope- the squealing at feed times, having to get up in the night, having no life of my own anymore and the constant worry of if I'm doing things right. My DH tells me I need to go to groups, but it's not that easy I can't just walk out the door anymore, trying to get to an appointment time is so stressful. Also I can't drive so it's horrible going out if the weather is bad. I'm beginning to resent the baby, it's awful. Please someone talk to me.

Hello, just to say it does get better. What helped me was to make a conscious effort to cherish those night feeds, cuddles etc even though you're tired as it's only for a short while.

Also they get better (less screaming) at around 3-4 months. You get smiles and interaction. Once they get a bit older they get so funny and you start getting more affection back.

Get a sling. Try to relax in the day, get lots of box sets and enjoy this time.

I also found it really stressful getting out so maybe invite friends to see you instead? Do you have family nearby who can babysit so you can do stuff on your own for a few hours?

Ah dr, Big hugs from me.

My son is 13weeks -we go out everyday, I know what you mean about the pressure of times to get out by but it is good. We walk with the pram. I bought a good jacket and flat warm boots. We just go for 40mins. I buy the paper or light a candle in the chapel or post a letter, Always go out unless its pouring. I joined a mother group. It's not really for me but I still go. I met one friendly girl and we keep in contact a bit outside of it.

Can you get a taxi somewhere? Also have you support? I book a hair apt early sat mornings so dh minds baby. We rent DVDs to try and have a date night indoors and breaks up baby talk.

Also a few weeks ago I wasn't coping very well. Dh wasn't really home much etc so I had a good talk to him. Also batch cook and don't feel guilty using microwave rice etc and freezer dinner if it means you can read a magazine or have a bath while baby is sleeping.

Be good to yourself, I am finding it easier this past fortnight so maybe things will ease

Aww, bless you. I felt like this at times, but trust me, it does get better! I found I just had to get out. I don't drive either, but used to walk her everywhere in her pram, rain or shine. I had waterproofs and she had a rain cover. Going to groups will help, it did for me. Also finding a hobby, even if it's crafts you can do at home or writing will help. I'm sure you are doing everything right. It is hard with the first, but I'm sure you're doing a fab job. Hopefully someone will come along to offer some more useful advice. Take care!! x

Hand to hold. There is a thread on the bf topic board from another 10week old's mum... It must be the age! My DS2 is 10 weeks on Sunday. It is hard in the beginning and nothing can prepare you for it IMO. Have you talked to anyone in RL? It really does help to see others in the same boat. Is there a sure start centre near you? You could ask the hv for local groups? Try to have a change bag permanently packed and by the front door then when you decide to go out you can just go. Do you have family who can help? It is hard and relentless and a bit lonely BUT it will all change, spring will come, you will get out more and your baby will grow and develop. If you can, go out even just for a walk the fresh air will help. Invest in some good waterproofs, a thermos cup, stick your iPod on and tramp the streets, that's what I did with my first and it really helped... This post is a bit rambling, sorry - I'm tired! Hang on in there OP, you are doing a great job

I don't know if u are using bottles or bf but you shouldn't have to do all nights. Try and express or go to bed earlier and let dh do a late feed.

I know exactly where you're coming from. My Ds is 8 weeks and to be honest it's been a very difficult couple of months. I've posted here and found great support. I don't know about you but I feel the change has been a huge shock. I knew things would be different, but I really underestimated how much. Sometimes I find myself wishing for the pas. Dh insists I'll feel better once Ds settles down (he has colic), but I can't see that happening. I am with you on the going out too, I also worry about other mums judging if Ds cries. Lots of people say by this point you know your baby, but I don't have a clue.

I do love Ds very much, it's me that needs to adapt better. One of my friends suggested trying to use a routine, just to make the days more focused, I'm clutching at straws so I'm giving the baby whisper's E.A.S.Y routine a go, it's not exactly working as Ds does it all on his own terms but at least it's giving me a sense of structure!

Felt the same as you, took a little while to bond. The first few months are hard with little reward but I promise it gets better. By 12 weeks it's much easier. They cry less, you know what to do more and they become a joy. Just get through the next few weeks and then it just gets better and better it really does.

Hang in there OP. My dd is eight months old now and things are a lot easier but I remember feeling completely overwhelmed with it all especially the first twelve weeks. Getting out of the house on its own is a mission but if you can I would definitely recommend some local baby groups if there are any near you. It doesn't matter if you turn up a bit late or harassed I found them to be very supportive. If baby will take a bottle could your partner look after Him while you go and get your hair / nails done? Or even to let you just get out to the shops on your own with a coffee and a good book.
I really feel for you OP I can truly empathise but it DOES get easier

Thanks for everyones support I feel much better for talking about it. Will try to get to a group in new year and give driving lessons another go! Dh says he'll try to help more too.

OP
I know how you feel. I was really down and hating the first few weeks tbh. I said some awful things about completely regretting having my DC and failed to bond.

I spoke to HV and DH. It was hard but good to get it out if my head.

Once I stop analysing it all the time and just went with the flow I found it a lot easier. Obsessing about hue miserable I was and was I bonding just made it worse iyswim.

Second what others have said about getting out, groups etc. I am BF and can't express but DH sometimes takes DC for a 2 hr shift - I can pop to shops or catch up on sleep.

Hello just wanted to say that I took driving lessons when mine was similar age to yours- really helped me to have a couple of hours concentrating completely on something that wasn't the baby.
It is a huge adjustment at first but it really does get easier and the main thing is to give yourself a break. Try not to pressure yourself about 'doing things right' - you are with your baby 24/7 so you would soon know if you are doing something they don't like.

Try to relax and sleep whenever you can and if there's anything practical you need to know I have found MN to be incredibly useful- there is wisdom and support on here. Good luck - and remember the old standby 'this too shall pass'.

My ds is 11 weeks and my local children's centre has been a god send to me. Without it I would be very lonely and depressed as I'm new to this town. I've made friends with other mums and it gives me a reason to get up and dressed and out (even without make up/hair unwashed/sick on shoulder) It was really hard to walk in there the first time but I did it, and I'm a shy person. So many mums I'm the same position. Now I'm signing up for all the classes there as it's easier now while he's a baby than when he's a toddler. The classes really are about mum at this age. Please find the courage to go even once. I had to make a choice of facing my fear or sitting at home being sad.

Hi OP, I can sympathise and have posted similarly yesterday! My DD is almost 17 weeks and its hard work. I also need to take my own advice on getting out to groups but they do help - also are you seeing family over xmas? Hopefully it will be an opportunity to have a break and we can all go into the new year with renewed vigour!

Hi yes we are going home for Christmas which is a 3 hour drive, all our family is back there unfortunately so don't have them near by for support. Really looking forward to next week!

Same here drjones, family not near, its hard isn't it? I have been feeling quite lonely recently, everyone else I know with babies has parents/relatives close by who always pop in and help.

it is bloody hard! you just dont know - and nobody could explain, pre-baby how difficult it is. It gets easier as they get older - its still tiring when they are older, but as they grow you have a relationship with a real little person and that makes all the difference.

I know its not easy getting out on a winters day - but its not for the baby you are getting out its for you - dont bother with anything unless you enjoy it. My son didnt get anything out of baby groups until he was about 1 - but I had to go out and meet people.

Keep bag packed next to buggy and get a winter outfit you wear - look at the week ahead every weekend and make sure you have something to do every day - personally I find if I get out it only has to be once, and then the rest of the day is easier -

Presume you dont have an NCt group? I found really friendly people at NCT coffee morning, you dont have to be a member , look up your area - and hard as it is, make the effort to do it.

childrens centres - is there a BF support group if thats what you are doing? baby massage/ etc? there will be an under 1s drop in somewhere near, for when baby is a bit older.

do you have friends with babies you can invite over or meet in a pub/ cafe etc? at this age they are a lot easier to take around than a toddler in some ways - even if baby sleeps in the pram while you have a hot chocolate and read the paper - mornings are usually quite in cafes...

library for singing groups...

its exhausting - but sitting at home always made me feel more tired and crap - once you have had your daily outing, get a dvd on and just sit on the sofa!

personally next time round I will get dp to do a dream feed with a bottle at about 1030 pm so I can go to bed early - would that work for you?

also - if you are really sruggling, could you afford a bit of help at home - mothers help/ local woman who will come and cuddle the baby while you have a shower/ eat dinner? remember, women have never traditionally in human history done baby raising alone! its not meant to be like that.

ime 4 months is when it starts to get easier. 2-3 hardest because the novelty has worn off but its still really hard.

It will get better .

Bless you! I know how you feel! I've been there too. I think I had a touch of baby blues in the very beginning. But like the other mums here have said IT GETS EASIER! So hang in there. Totally understand about it being hard to get out. It seemed so stressful for me at first that I started to get anxiety about going out and when I was out I felt anxious the whole time. But keep going. I found it was always better to take someone else with you hubby, mum or a friend to help.

My turning point was when my DD was 3mths! she's 11mths now and I feel like my old self again. Just takes time to adjust! You'll get there