What makes for a happy childhood...?

[clarexbp]

The recent 'are your children having a better childhood than yours?' thread got me to thinking about this.

There are the obvious things, like not being abused or neglected. But after you've ticked the 'not being completely crap' box on the parenting checklist, what else makes for a really happy childhood?

So, if you had a happy childhood, or if you've done things as a parent that have made noticeable changes to your children's quality of life, come and share...

I had a really happy childhood. It's hard to say exactly what made it happy. But I think a few things helped: always feeling confident in the knowledge that I was loved, and that my siblings were as well. Having the freedom to play for hours outdoors (quiet village), to explore and be imaginative - I remember spending hours pretending to be fairies, or building dens, without any adult "interference"! I think luck comes into it as well - we were financially secure (although not wealthy), and i don't remember anyone in my family having any serious illnesses until I was much older.

Thanks for coming along SpanielFace :-) Yes, I agree entirely about the running wild without parental interference. Some of my happies memories come from that sort of thing, and I really don't know how I'm going to provide that for mine...

Interesting that you raise the financial issue. I wonder how much money is enough to be a happy child. I know there are some interesting studies showing that any more than about £15k doesn't really add to happiness for adults, and I wonder if it's the same for children.

Happiest! arg.

I think it's about being loved for who you are. Being given the opportunity and freedom to develop who you are.
Also stability - I don't necessarily mean being in the same place for your whole childhood or parents staying together- but knowing that you have a safe, secure home and the adults in your life are dependable, reliable and not sad (I think as children we are too egotistical to know if our parents are happy, but we do know if they are sad).

To answer your second question, I moved around different parts of the country, attended 7 different schools and come from a broken home.
I have been with my DH happily for 20y, our oldest DS is 15, he has lived in 2 houses (when we did move we only moved 2 streets away) and has attended 1 primary school and 1 secondary school.

Yes, I agree charming, having an unhappy parent is unlikely to ever be part of the recipe...

I struggle more with the 'being loved for who you are' thing. I mean, I KNOW that you're right, but how do you actually do that, as a parent, and where do you draw the line? Is it sometimes part of the parent's job to make a child do things that they don't enjoy or don't come naturally? Making them do homework, or stay in education until they are 18, or perhaps, be a bit more organised than they would be naturally...? I expect,as in most things, it's about moderation and being sensitive.

You just avoid comparing them to other children, let them pursue the things that interest them rather than what you would like them to do, trust them to do things for themselves, praise them for trying if they don't succeed, accept that they may have different outlooks and opinions to you. I think bottom line it's about teaching them how to behave in society without suppressing their personality and quirkiness!

Love - which includes teaching values and self discipline. I often have to remind myself that saying "no" can be much kinder than agreeing without reservation to any request and rebuiking, vene to the point of punsihment, can be another aspect of loving a child.

Feeling loved and having parents that have time to spend with you and are not too stressed. Not moving around too much is also a good thing.

When you are in secondary school I think friendships become really important too. However, if you have a happy family life you are probably more likely to be more secure in yourself and therefore more able to have good relationships.