DS (6) wants to be 'funny' but is just annoying!

[fasterthanthewind]

DS seems to be experimenting with being the class 'funny guy'. I don't have any experience of this - was always the specky one reading a book at the back.

A lot of what he does is 6 year old humour ('look I can pull my nose off'; 'I'm the most important one here'; singing silly words/silly tunes (which wreck the music)) and (some of) the other children think it's hilarious.
But adults, very much including me, don't, and he's in danger of making himself pretty unpopular with grown ups who see him as attention-seeking, bumptious, noisy, mock-aggressive.

I'm not sure what to do. As I said, he wants to be 'funny', and so I've been trying to think of other ways of making people laugh that aren't so disruptive/ annoying/ attention-seeking.
But I'm rubbish at jokes/puns/being witty, so I'm not much help - does anyone have any suggestions? Or do I have to grow a thicker skin, and allow him to work this through himself?

If you want to discourage him doing it with you, then perhaps the best thing is to ignore it completely. In particular, avoid giving it negative attention because one possibility is that is is using silliness to get attention precisely because he feels as though he is a bit "silly" i.e., he maybe doesn't have enough confidence about being as mature as he feels expected to be, so he reverts to trying to get something positive out of the "silliness" itself, seeking safety in acting out the very thing that he knows he will be criticised for.

I've put that very badly, but I think my DS1 did that a bit at one point, precisely because he knew I was hoping for a bit more maturity at the time.

If you ignore it, that might have a knock-on effect in how he behaves with other people. But also, you could remind him of rules about the proper time and place for mucking about.

Buy him a joke book. Encourage that and don't laugh at anything else, say 'that's not funny' if needs be. He will soon get the message

I have much sympathy, my 8 year old is trying his hand at wit and sarcasm at the moment and it is AWFUL! When we are with a group of adults he's literally bursting to say something "funny" at every opportunity.

I don't want to crush him but I don't want him to be an annoying sod either!

Is this not just an age thing? My ds thinks he's hilarious but sadly he's just very silly and annoying.

I have started telling him what's funny and what isn't. I tell him off if he's rude and explain to him why its rude. I give him an alternative. He has loads of silly jokes and stupid dancing. Anything naughty or toilet related couldn't be funnier in his small world!

The rest I ignore. He's too young to know what's funny and what isn't but wanting to be popular and make people laugh isn't a crime. At least hrs confident!

I feel for you that other people are labelling your son's behaviour so negatively. Most 6 year olds are full of annoying energy. My daughter is 6 and drives me nuts half the time with daft, attention-seeking and really silly behaviour. To be honest I think it's in their job description unless there are other things at play like ADHD. All the mums I know with our age children are moaning about their behaviour. Mine has her brains in her tushy most of the time! Are there any other things going on in your son's life that would mean he is seeking extra attention? There is a lad in my daughter's class who was singing the wrong words at the top of his voice when supposed to be singing Happy Birthday at a party. I suspect he's similar to your son. I just assumed he was being over-excited and thought no more of it. I certainly wouldn't think negatively of him. Maybe your son would like doing some drama? I think you're being very creative with your suggestions though. I would just say he's only 6. Year 1/2 seems to bring out some interesting behaviour if our household is anything to go by. I think it's all the having to work in a more structured way. It's really hard on them and a big transition and some of them just aren't ready to sit quietly at school. Have a word with his teacher if you're concerned and see if they can find creative things for him to do at school and offset some of his energy and need to entertain. I'd be inclined to say don't worry. People can have their opinions. Most children just grow out of these things and move on to the next phase ;) I hope it sorts itself out for you both.

you're right - it's an age thing, and a confidence thing - and I DON'T want to crush him, at all. Thinking about it, I think it comes out most in situations when he's either feeling a bit uncertain, or is tired/wound up in some way.

It's just a bit of a surprise. He's always been unusually good at relating to adults. From what he's said about it/how he behaves if/when told off, I don't think he is doing it for negative attention...

ifcatshadthumbs: yes!

x posted, 3become4

The negative labelling thing is complicated, and I think relates to my sensitivity to the judgements other adults make (hence my comment about needing to grow a thicker skin!)

He loves drama stuff, he's a real performer - but his teacher (NQT) is about as clueless as me about constructive ways to channel his energies and enthusiasms.

Perhaps the other thing that worries me is that, behind the bravado and bumptiousness, he's a sensitive little soul, and (wrongly?) I want to protect him from the disapproval/telling off these bits of behaviour bring on him, as I know how very much they upset him...

I agree with others that it is something very common around that sort of age and nothing to be too worried about. I guess that it is a natural consequence of the way that we parent these days. We want our children to know that their words are valued and that they are great, interesting people to listen to. They need all that encouragement and positive attention but also they naturally take time to learn the difference between being valued/respected and being the person in the room that everyone wants to hear from all the time! If there isn't any question that he is doing it out of anxiety or lack of confidence then perhaps it is just a necessary bit of social "practice" that will help him to develop a better sense of when he should chip in with joke or whatever, and when it is better not to.

It's not wrong that you want to protect your ds from hurt and harm. Surely that's you being a lovely mum! Its part of his growing up though.

Its hard having to sit back and watch your ds being an annoying tit. Believe me I know I do it most days. I think its just a self discovery thing. A bit like a teenager wanting to not conform and wear different clothes.

I let ds get on with it unless its rude. I also think ds does it to annoy me because he knows it gets to me.

it's specially helpful to hear from parents of older children, because I suspect this is just the beginning of me having to let him learn by himself, and behave in ways I don't like much. Because, after all, what's happening needs to be about him/his behaviour, and not my reaction to it.

As cupcake says, it's hard to sit back and watch...

They all do it-it is a phase.