Daughter rejecting daddy.

[viagrafalls]

Right, I'm now officially at the end of my tether with this situation.
DD (2 and a bit) is such a loving little thing but when it comes to her father she just isn't interested. He works away from home 4/5 days a week most weeks, sometimes works from home, but as a rule is generally around at the weekends. some examples of things she says/does;
"I'm making pancakes, for mummy, not for you Daddy"
"Don't kiss me"
"Don't look at me"
She refuses to kiss him goodnight, she just constantly excludes him and although he is saying he can deal with it its starting to get to me as its exhausting being the only one who is allowed to do bedtime, bathtime (without a fuss) etc, and I'm afraid tonight I lost it and told her she was being a horrible little girl and had made me angry. Cue sobbing and apologising over and over to me and then finally gave Daddy a cuddle before bed. I've tried ignoring it, gently explaining that Daddy loves her too etc but I'm now asking you lot.
Some backstory - OH isnt the most hands on when he is home, i've had to ask him to be a bit more involved and to take the initiative a bit more. The problem is that when he tries to take her out she has a huge meltdown and then cries for up to half an hour and so he is miserable, she is miserable and I am left feeling very guilty about sending them out. He works and so cannot be here all the time.
Any advice would be most appreciated.

Parental preference happens all the time with kids even with dads who are very hands on and there during the week. My son always liked daddy doing bedtime (to the exclusion of me) until he was about 20 months and then suddenly I had to do everything for about 5 months and daddy wasn't doing any stories at all. We used to beg/coerce/plead for daddy to do story time (at that point we used to sit with him after stories until he fell asleep which could take 1-2 hours, so it was long boring nights for me!) and occassionally we won out but that was it.

Eventually, we manged to persuade him to let us take turn about and then his preference eventually settled down and was 50:50. Now he's 4, he still has 'daddy days' and 'mummy days' and we just go with it as it doesn't affect us, I think it's pretty normal for them to have favourites.

However, based on what you've posted, there's maybe more an issue of the fact she doesn't see her daddy as much and he doesn't involve himself with her as much as you/she would like.

You need thick skin to be a parent and accept the 'I don't love you anymores' and 'i dont want to kiss you goodnight' as just things kids say, you can' take them personally. My son has said both to me on several occassions, I never take it seriuosly and I think he has a right to decide who he wants to kiss good night, and sometimes I miss out.

I think you either try and make it so that when daddy is home on saturday he has to do certain things with her (park or bedtime routine or bathtime) and you spend the week building her up to this happening (telling her it will happen even if she complains) and you force her to accept him being involved. Or, you just wait and hope it passes over, whilst encouraging your DH to offer to do things with her all the time. If you're starting to find it exhausting (can imagine you're looking for a bit of a break at weekends!) you might be wanting to push things along (as you have been doing, even if they are both miserable) as for all they need daddy/daughter time, you might need some 'you time' too.

Yes, I think you are totally right, I spend all my time feeling frazzled!
I know she does love him, and the thing is, when I do push them together there is always a subtle but noticeable difference in how she behaves with him.
It's just so hard!
Thanks

It can help if you are sometimes too busy to do what she wants but Daddy is free.

So you're sorry you can't read a story to her at the moment but she could ask Daddy because he's not too busy. If you bath her it's in wash out but Daddy will let her play because he doesn't have to do xxxx like you do.

Allow her to make a free choice every time because they can be quite oppositional at this age so by encouraging her you may be making her less likely to do it. Reverse psychology works quite well with two year olds but don't let that turn into you engineering her being disobedient because that can be confusing.

Ah gold thats also a good bit of advice.
thank-you also