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Original poster

Too old to breastfeed?

69 replies

Mummybo · 13/12/2013 06:56

So I was walking through town yesterday with husband and baby and this short lady strides past us, up hill, boob out,carrying and breastfeeding I'm guessing a 3 or 4 year old. This kid looked huge, but maybe it was because the woman was about 5 foot tall....
Me and my husband are definitely pro breastfeeding and are not easily shocked (i thought) but our jaws were on the floor! Our response was, WOW she was amazing! Partly because I don't think I could walk and breastfeed our 8 month old, let alone with my boob out, in public, up a hill, with a giant kid....
I kind of felt bad for being shocked, and for telling people that id seen her, as it shouldn't be a shocking sight, should it?! I also felt like she was doing it just to shock people.... It has left me feeling like a judgmental mum which I never thought I was!!
I guess she made me really think about breastfeeding in public (which I do all the time) and how old is too old.....
When will you guys stop? If you haven't already.

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Sizzlesthedog · 13/12/2013 07:41

I'm impressed with the walking up hill and bf a heavy child. I always had to position cushions etc.

hercules1 · 13/12/2013 07:42

Sadly boobs are out a lot in this country and are used all the time to sell products, mags, porn etc.

GingleBells · 13/12/2013 07:50

I used to be judgmental about BF till I had my own child.

I guess the only people I knew (or knew they did it - probably plenty did but I wasn't aware of this) who fed beyond about 6 months were the 'weird' or hippy sort of person who complained when they came to my house that the TV was on. (they didn't like mainstream media - well I get this now, but at the time, I thought wtf?)

So my impression of it was Oh, it's what weird people do.
Then I had ds1 and it all changed.

Normal people BF for a long time, too. That's all really.

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GingleBells · 13/12/2013 07:52

And I think the fact I wasn't aware of any 'normal' people breastfeeding long term was that people are ashamed to in public, because of people who judge.

It's something that can be reversed with enough oomph behind it, but the thing is, people need to be brave enough to begin to do it in public and only then will it become accepted and then more common and so on in a positive cycle.

Eletheomel · 13/12/2013 09:33

I've never manage to bfeed either of mine whilst walking - that's a skill in itself

Before I had DS1, I always thought I woudl stop bfeeding as soon as my baby started walking, but then once I had him, I realised that that was such an arbitrary view and definitely influenced by the fact that I'd never seen anyone breastfeed a walking baby/toddler.

I'll confess that once DS1 was about a year old I stopped bfeeding him in public and Id make him wait till we got home (usually not more than a half hour or so) as i felt awkward. I did go on to bfeed him until about 26 months as I wanted him to self-wean, which he more or less did (influenced by drop in my milk production).

The more we see of it the more commonplace it will seem tho - good on her!

NoComet · 13/12/2013 09:49

DD2 BF until she was twice that age!

Not in public, because she wouldn't have wanted to.

I don't give a flying fuck what people thing of me, she does. By two she'd have felt awkward.

BertieBowtiesAreCool · 13/12/2013 09:53

Oh come on, she was on a fucking hill! It's not like she stood in the shopping centre and announced it by megaphone.

I fed DS until he was 4. It was really, truly, not intended to shock anybody. In fact hardly anybody knew about it, mostly due to attitudes like yours that I was somehow doing it "for attention" or, even worse, thinking it was some kind of sick sexual practice. It's hurtful. It was completely between me and him and nobody else's business. He still got comfort from it - that's all it was about.

EauRougemasTree · 13/12/2013 10:00

DD2 is still BF in public at 2.10yo.

I've been breastfeeding for 5 years and I've heard every criticism in the book. I'm all out of fucks to give about what other people think.

Original poster

Mummybo · 13/12/2013 10:03

@bertiebowtiesarecool it was in the city centre outside the main shopping mall at midday. I mentioned it was uphill because I was impressed!
I didn't think she was doing to get personal attention but my gut reaction was that she was making some sort of lactivist statement. I realised I was being judgemental and felt bad so came on here to address how I feel about breastfeeding and reconsider when I should stop breastfeeding.
So whether or not she intended to make a statement or not, she has inspired me and got us talking!

OP posts:

EauRougemasTree · 13/12/2013 10:06

OP, after 3 or 4 years of breastfeeding multiple times a day she probably doesn't even notice she's doing it. So definitely not a statement, although it's unusual to see.

NoComet · 13/12/2013 10:12

I'd have loved to make a public statement to judgy people like you!

As I say it's my really socially astute DD who would have refused.

The fact that by 2 she never saw another baby BFing in public (she knew a friends DD her age still did) and didn't ask makes me and

GingleBells · 13/12/2013 10:40

'I didn't think she was doing to get personal attention but my gut reaction was that she was making some sort of lactivist statement.'

I think that says more about the fact that most people never see anyone breastfeeding in public apart from 'lactivists' - because 'lactivists' do (I think? Is that the term for someone wanting actively to challenge mainstream opinion?) want to challenge mainstream opinion on it - and thus they are the most likely people to be seen to breastfeed in public (flashmobs etc, media related stuff).

And that only correlates with the fact that a lot of people refuse to do it in public as they fear that they are seen as wanting attention or making a statement. And in fact, often are.

It's a vicious circle. You only assumed lactivist because those are the only people likely to breastfeed openly in a public street. Which is just really sad.

littleredmonkey · 13/12/2013 10:43

Do what feels right for you and your little one. Who cares what others think as long as you are both happy that's all that matters. I am still feeding my 14 month old and getting comments. I fire back at em dont get comments from that person again!!!! People will always judge what we do how we do it blah blah blah. Sod em happy mummy happy baby

BertieBowtiesAreCool · 13/12/2013 11:00

Lactivist statement really.

You know, if you see me with hairy armpits in the swimming pool, I'm not doing it to make a feminist statement, whether or not I do happen to consider myself a feminist, the truth is I just couldn't be arsed to shave them.

The most likely situation - her child wanted/needed to breastfeed, she didn't feel self-conscious doing so (or her child's need outweighed her self consciousness) and so she did so. That's it. No political agenda, no attention needed, just a mother looking after her child.

Do you think that parents who smack their children in public are making some sort of pro-smacking statement? Or are they just parenting in the best way they know how?

SoloXantiaClaws · 13/12/2013 11:00

Wow! that's impressive!! good luck to her :)

I fed Ds until he was 18 months and Dd until she was 4ys 10 months! It was what she wanted and I would've continued had my milk not dried up, for as long as she wanted within reason.

I used to think that breastfeeding beyond 2 years was for the mother, not the child! What was I thinking?!!! at the time, I'd only had Ds and I'd stopped nursing him at 18 months because my Mum said she thought I 'should stop' . She tried the same 'suggestion' with Dd but she only said it twice! I put her straight as I wasn't ready to stop and nor was Dd. I didn't feed her outside of my home or those that I might be visiting after 2.6 years as it just wasn't possible as both my Dc's are incredibly tall and I felt it unnecessary anyway at that age. We went to just morning and evening at around 3.6 years.

SoloXantiaClaws · 13/12/2013 11:03

Oh yeah! I thought your thread title was about the age of the Mum!!!

Faverolles · 13/12/2013 11:11

I still feed my nearly three year old, in fact I'm feeding him right now.
I've fed him in public, in front of people and I have yet to have a negative comment (actually, I have had negative comments, but only before ds was a year old).

Obviously no-one dares comment negatively now, because I'm making a lactivist statement. :o
(Btw, I'm not, I'm just feeding my toddler, because it's nice to have warm cuddles, and I get to sit down quietly MNing for a few minutes)

bytheseaside · 13/12/2013 11:49

Why should a mum feel pressure to feed discreetly? Obviously a comfy chair would be great, but you often just feed where / when you have to. Or maybe she is a lactivist and does it all the time to challenge perceptions of where / when / who you can bf. Either way, I'm all for supporting the 'hardcore' bf mum! Its fine to be a bit surprised, but not fine to project disapproval. If I am shocked, that's my issue, not hers - as OP says.

Original poster

Mummybo · 13/12/2013 11:53

@ginglebells I totally disagree, I breastfeed in public all the time and would love to do a flash mob.
But this was a sight I've never seen before. I guess surprised would've been a better word than shocked.
I do not consider lactivist to be a negative term.

OP posts:

Original poster

Mummybo · 13/12/2013 11:55

@bytheseaside thanks, I wholeheartedly agree :-)

OP posts:

BertieBowtiesAreCool · 13/12/2013 11:56

I don't think it's negative either, just pointing out that not everything is a statement.

GingleBells · 13/12/2013 12:10

'I totally disagree, I breastfeed in public all the time and would love to do a flash mob.
But this was a sight I've never seen before.'

It's the same thing. Okay, so it wasn't that she was breastfeeding in the street that made you think that.

But you probably assumed she was a lactivist because you had 'never seen' someone doing whatever she was doing, before, and therefore assumed she must be an extreme breastfeeding advocate of some sort.

I'm not having a go. Just saying that might be why you assumed, iyswim.

GingleBells · 13/12/2013 12:11

I didn't say it was a negative thing either fwiw.

Womnaleplus · 13/12/2013 12:19

OP I think your heart is in the right place, although your thread title and the start of your OP are fairly provocative, it's clear from your responses you're actually intrigued and considering longer term feeding yourself.

I still feed my 3.1yo, and am tandem feeding him alongside my 9mo. I'll feed him as long as he wants to. I'm not keen on feeding in public because I worry about the type of idiotic comments we've had examples of already. I'm also perfectly boringly depressingly normal.

MummyLuce · 13/12/2013 13:11

Totally understand the OP! I would be shocked to see that! Why couldn't the kid just wait? I bf till my dd was 14 months (stopped when I was preg) and when she got to about 12 months and started to tug at my clothes in public I'd distract her by playing with her and letting her carry stuff etc. at that age she ate plenty of solid food and cows milk and other drinks so it wasn't that she was hungry! She didn't need a couple of gulps of milk at that precise moment so why would I get my boob out and get all cold and embarrassed for no good reason? She can have her breastmilk later! That's how I approached it... But still, impressive that the woman would do that! That's commitment!

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