I walked out 5 mins into an exam today...

[somethingwillturnup]

...and I feel like such a failure .

One of the servitors saw me sitting crying and took me down to his desk and gave me a drink, and the course organiser came looking for me when she realised something was wrong. I feel so shit. I just couldn't do it. I haven't slept for more than 2 hours at a stretch for about a fortnight with worry and this morning it took all my willpower not to throw up. I turned the paper over and it could've been in any language apart from English as far as I was concerned.

I spoke to the CO and explained very briefly what had gone wrong (I had a miscarriage 5 weeks ago - only me, DH, FIL and 2 close friends knew I was pregnant) and she was so kind. She has told me to fill out a special circumstances form and not to worry about anything. And I will. But...

I don't want to turn into 'one of those' people who have special circumstances all the bloody time! Last year I had to fill out a special circumstances form because my brother died. I did manage to pass 2 out of the 3 exams first time and passed the third on a resit all As and Bs so I'm not just scraping, but I just want everything to go right for once!

Someone tell me I'm being silly and that's what special circumstances are for, and it's not like I'm some young thing straight from school with no cares (42 and feeling it, with 6 kids - 3 still at home -, DH out of work atm and the usual stresses and strains of being skint and responsible for young things) and shurrup and get on with it. I'm rubbish at accepting sympathy but I'm feeling really sorry for myself (and kicking myself) today.

Sorry for the long self-indulgent bollocks. I'm writing today off and getting on with the rest of my revision tomorrow (another exam on Tuesday).

Good luck with the rest of the exams, you've obviously got a lot on your plate, don't be too hard on yourself. The fact you're still carrying on with yoyr exams is in itself admirable.

Your

Lack of sleep can do that to you. You do have special circumstances and a great amount to deal with. I don't think anyone is going to judge you for it. I filled out a special circumstances last year and would have no problem doing it again if I needed to. You should be proud of yourself for working so hard to study and being a mother to 6. Tomorrow's a new day and going forward is your only option.
xx

Thanks Gunz and tanya. I'm annoyed at myself and judging by what some of the other students have said I don't think I would've had too much of a problem with the questions - had my brain been working properly.

I usually manage to have 'one of those days' (or months) in private and for some reason it decided to be yesterday. I feel a bit better having spoken to student support and the lovely woman there said she would send me out all the appropriate forms/info and let anyone else know that needs to know what's been going on - it saves me from having to explain two or three times to different subject departments.

Feeling a bit more optimistic today