10 month old Jealous of her sibbling

[mrsdoubtmom]

Hi,

I need help with a case of sibbling jealousy. But unlike most threads here, it is not my older one who is Jealous. I have two DDs. The older one is an angel and loves her sister to bits. I always noticed my LO does not want to play with her sister as much other wants.

Yesterday at bed time, it all got a bit uncontrollable. I was reading a book for my older one and the little one screamed, jumped on me and wanted to sleep on me and pushed her sister away. She even kept turning my face so that I dont see the older one. My first one tried to console her sister by offering her favourite teddy, tried to give her cuddle but all she got in return was a biff. I dont know what to do. I am a working mom and we try to give enough time for both though I do have a lot to do with my elder one like getting her ready to school, doing homeworks etc.

Please suggest. i am very scared about how they would grow up. I am clearly more worried about my eldest as she is already in tears as her sister does not like her. I keep reassuring it is not so and she is just a baby.

Excuse the long story

I don't have any experience of this (my second is just 6 months) but didn't want to read and run.

Can I just ask whether DD2 has always shied away from DD1 or is it just over the last month or so? Just thinking that a lot of babies suffer separation anxiety from about 9 months and that may well be accompanied with her wanting your attention all the time (and not wanting you to give it to DD1). Hopefully it might just be a phase she'll grow out of?

Really feel for DD1, DS1 also loves DS2 to bits and has been so generous in giving him all his old toys and clothes (willingly) and loves playing with him, he'd be devastated if DS2 went through this kind of phase. I think all you can do is reassure (as you have been doing) DD1 that her sister is just a baby and going through a really insecure stage and that it's not that she's pushing her away, it's just that the phase she's in just now is that she wants her mum all the time, and that she'll grow out of it (not sure if htat is true, but hoping it is)

Hopefully someone wiht experience of this will be able to give you better advice/comments.

Please don't worry too much - google 'wonder week 55' and be reassured that this can be a normal phase around that age. My dd2 was just like that and would get very upset when I hugged ds1 - she would cry and try to intervene and climb onto my lap. Ds1 got a bit upset at times. Dd2 is now nearly 14mo and adores her big brother. She is more likely now to join in for a group hug rather than push him out the way to get at Mummy. x

My two are 17 months apart and it was a big problem in my house.

I read Siblings without Rivalry and it really helped me to find the tools needed. 2 years on and apart from a few squabbles they're so much better.

It's important not to let the one trying to get your attention to 'win' to explain they need to wait until you finish doing x, y or z with the other sibling. This makes them feel valued and teaches the other one that this tactic doesn't work and the bad behaviour isn't rewarded.

I have more ideas but I'm in a doctors waiting room.

Hope things get better for you soon.

Hi Eletheomel,

Thank you very much. Yes, it has been like this a lot for the past month or so. But, I do remember even when she was three months old, my LO would refuse to look at me if I elder one was sitting on my lap.

I hope it is just a phase too.

Mummyxtwo & DMR, thank you very much. It is quite reassuring to know you had a similar situation that got better with time. yes, I am consciously trying to ensure that neither of them get the " who ever shouts the most gets it" attitude.

I've got two who are three and nearly nine months. I also work full time.

I wouldn't call this stage "jealousy" as that makes it sound way more calculated than it is. This is prime separation anxiety time for a baby and I think it is pretty normal for your DD2 to want to be near you.

I have a very relaxed DS2 but at the moment, he is fretting if he is not on me at all times, especially if I'm hugging his elder brother. He doesn't understand why he is on the outside of any situation. He just wants to be involved and doesn't yet have any social graces.

Also, DS2 doesn't yet know that "bashing" is bad, nor does your DD2. They are just seeing it as the quickest and most effective way to get what they want. I'm trying to teach DS2 to stroke instead of bash, which he thinks is hilarious.

I deal with all situations with a dose of humour. So if DS1 is upset because DS2 is hitting him, we say together "babies don't know - silly old babies - we know not to hit...come on DS2, no hitting please!" Or if the baby is crawling over him to get to me, I say: "Ahhh I am covered in boys" and make light of it. I never make too big a fuss of anything, otherwise I feel like I am making a bigger deal out of it, when it's really minor.

Anyway, you're not alone and I think this stage is pretty normal!

Ruby, thank you. I really like the way you handle the situation. I shall try the same.

No worries mrsdoubtmum!

I just think humour makes it all more bearable. :-)

I'm sure your girls will grow up loving each other. The siblings I know who don't get on are those where their parents set them up to compete or showed massive favouritism. It sounds like you are trying to be really loving and fair to both.