Would it be easier to give up work if having a second?

[delilah89]

That's it really. I have a good career which takes a lot of effort. It can be done flexibly but it's like freelancing -- you have to constantly be doing the next thing.

We're on the cusp of conceiving a second and I'm wondering whether it would be better to just take 5 years not 'off' but working much less, until both kids are in school. That way I could look after them (which I love). The other option is keeping on with work and getting a childminder/nursery, but I feel upset about that as I so love raising my DD (14 months)... Obviously the third issue is money, but I think we'd break even between these two options.

I'd be very interested to hear from others who've made this decision. Did you have a break in a good career and get a more flexible, local job? I'm quite successful in what I do and a feminist but wonder if, realistically, it is irresponsible/silly to have two children and then not actually bring them up myself?

I'm irresponsible and silly. I bring up my kids myself as well as working, as do all parents, working or otherwise. Childminders, however brilliant, do not raise your child for you.

Surely it depends what works best for your rather than it being irresponsible or silly. Some mothers find it difficult to take a break in their career because they get shunted out quite quickly.

Personally I found that after a year with DD I was dying to have some non-baby stimulation and eased myself back to work with one day a week moving to 3 and now 4. We're about to have our second now as well and I think you're right that it will be much harder to arrange (and pay for) childcare for two.

I'm back at work with 3 kids, aged 6,3 and 1. What makes you think I'm not bringing them up myself? I have a brilliant CM, but DH and I are doing the 'bringing up'. We both work flexibly (me part time, DH full time but can move hours around) to accomodate sick, nativity plays etc.

And I though feminism was about being able to make the choice for yourself and not feel pressured into anything? Sorry if I've misunderstood, but that's how my Mum explained it to me - that I could do anything I liked and nothing should stop me. She would probably be horrified if I did decide to stay at home, but would never say anything detrimental - feminists fought for our right to choose.

I don't think guilt helps. You are independent, so be independent, and not to mention successful. Why give that up? You can take a short break if you like.

Marking as interested, pondering similar dilemma here. I'm not at the return to work stage yet after ds 1, but I think if you're asking the question then maybe you just fancy spending your time with your children. I have a career that can be be pretty full on, late nights, international travel etc, and I'm not even sure I want to be exposed to it. I don't want to be asked to step up in this way, because I'd be constantly declining things. Wonder if it isn't better to be 100% - children and then career when I can actually give something to it.

I've managed to juggle my career with my DD by working evenings, during nap times, and weekends. I'm not advancing career wise as quickly as I could if I worked full time, but at the same time my DH and I decided this was emotionally and financially the best route for us.

I couldn't give up work for five years as I'd really struggle to make my way back to where I am. This seemed like the most sensible option. We're also ttc no.2 though - not sure how well the balance will work when there's another one on the scene..!

If you have a job with set hours, 9-5, weekends off, bank holidays off etc then it's very doable, many manage it well.

If, like me and my DH, your hours are not set, you both sometimes have to work both weekend days, finish at midnight or later due to the nature of the industry we're in, then I would have to quit work for a second child. At the moment we're running a tight ship with a lot of help from grandparents but another baby would put a stop to it.

It really depends on the kind of work you do, if you're self employed or not, if you want to be at home full time, if you can afford very flexible childcare or au pair and if you mind or don't mind using childcare 40 plus hours a week.