How to deal with friendships where DD is left out?

[audreyandrustygriswold]

DD is 3. I have been friends with a mum with a DD (lets call her A) the same age since the kids were babies and through her I have gotten to know another mum with a DD the same age too (lets call her B). A and B are very close, the mums work the same days and are off the same days so see a lot of each other. But I get on very well with the mums.

However, more and more when the six of us get together DD is left out. DD is pretty shy which probably does not help, but a lot of the time it is as if she doesn't exist. DD then just retreats to me or doesn't try to join in, which is fair enough.

But last time we got together, it was round at my house. DD was just completely ignored, which is fine, it happens. But it irked me slightly that neither mum tried to get A and B to play with DD. I am not a helicopter parent, but if I saw my DD ignoring the child whose house we are round at, I would take steps to encourage her to play with them.

After they left DD told me she didn't want them to come around together again.

So, I suppose, my issue is how to deal with this - not the leaving out, that will happen, but I don't want to put DD (who is a sensitive wee soul) in that position again, it cannot be nice for her, but I do like seeing the mums. How do I handle this?

Do you have another friend with a child that is friends with your dd to make up a group of 4 children so that you dd doesn't feel so left out?

Honestly, it can be hard enough to get the 3 of us together, trying to add another one into the equation won't help!

It is more how to approach it next time they suggest getting together - I feel like I don't want to have to put DD into a situation which is uncomfortable, but I can't body swerve the mums forever!

How about setting up group games or activities? Eg invite them over to decorate fairy cakes or biscuits, so the girls are all interacting more equally. There are also lots of lotto type games that they could play together. Unfortunately these are all going to need much more input from you - so less time drinking coffee.

Thanks Shelby, that is a good idea, but it means I will have to do all the work IYKWIM, and the others mums will sit and natter with a cup of tea!

I try to get the three of them playing a game together but DD had no interest at all, and really I cannot blame her, after the other 2 running riot over her toys and ignoring her for the previous 45 mins!

Does your dd actually want to play with these other children? 3 year olds have very poor social skills so it is actually a case of one or more adults putting in some effort here. It's not simply a case of one of the other mums saying 'include audrey'sdaughter' and then the others knowing instinctively how to do that.

I realise that Barbarian. I tried to get DD more involved, by encouraging the others to do something all 3 of them could do. The point is I suppose that I noticed and tried to act on it, whereas the other two mums didn't notice or did notice and not act. Which disappoints me a bit.

I don't think DD does want to play with them (as a twosome) anymore as she is very aware how left out she is (she has commented on it).